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Original poster

To want to die

100 replies

Meh84 · 17/07/2013 21:01

I don't want to kill myself, but I want to die.

Never in my life have I felt so fucking low in my life. I will cars on the other side of the road to hit me, so then someone will see me. Me, and that I'm still here.

No one wants to care, no-one cares and no-one ever will. I'm 28 years old, I don't deserve to live because I've wasted my life feeling like this.

OP posts:
QOD · 17/07/2013 21:03

Ae you on anti depressants? Do you have a dp children etc? Have you seen your dr xx

Lilicat1013 · 17/07/2013 21:04

I am sorry you feel so low. If it means anything to you I care, I care very much that someone feels so low they don't want to live.

Have to go any real life help at the moment?

foolonthehill · 17/07/2013 21:04

sorry you feel like this...to be a bystander in your own life must feel terrible. Do you need professional help do you think? Can we help in any way? You are not invisible and you do matter

TreborMint · 17/07/2013 21:04

Oh gosh - I'm so so sorry. Do you want to talk?

I'm not very good at this but I can listen and I'm here for a while - sure others will be along soon with advice.

Would you consider calling the Samaritans?

x

DoctorAnge · 17/07/2013 21:06

Darling you need some medication. Have you spoken to your GP.
They have changed my life after a breakdown earlier in the year. Please get help.

pinguwings · 17/07/2013 21:06

Deep breath. Doctors ASAP.

You matter.

You won't feel like this forever.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/07/2013 21:08

Hi, am so sorry you are feeling like this, can you tell us a bit about yourself?

We can try and help if you help us understand why you are feeling like this.

I care, I don't know you, but I don't want you to be feeling so low and will help in any way I can. xx

ilovecolinfirth · 17/07/2013 21:08

Hi there, I'm sending big hugs out to you. I really think you need to get professional help straight away, you obviously need to talk to someone.

Be strong. X

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/07/2013 21:08

I'm on fluxotine 20mg, I've had 4 good days but shit this is a bad one. I have two beautiful children and a DH who has done nothing but hold me whilst I sob, it's still not enough.

Please make me stop feeling like this

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 17/07/2013 21:10

You havnt wasted your life. You are 28, which is no age at all.
Please go to the GP and tell them how you are feeling.
Trust me, just asking for help will start the process of getting better.

HooverFairy · 17/07/2013 21:11

Oh op, I'm sorry you feel so awful. I'm not a dr but it sounds like you are suffering from depression - something completely out of your control. I doubt others see your pain, please don't think that no one cares.

You need to see your own self worth, but I think a dr needs to help you to do that. Don't let feeling like this rule your life, you'll miss the good bits.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 17/07/2013 21:11

X post.
Not all anti-D's are suitable for everyone. Go back to GP-tomorrow. This is an emergency, so treat it as such.

lessonsintightropes · 17/07/2013 21:12

Or if you really are feeling like acting on these impulses, please, please, please, take yourself to A&E. You are ill, not unworthy, and need treatment, not judgement - and (out on a limb here but do work in the MH field) in need of it.

laloue · 17/07/2013 21:13

Please call Samaritans, you don't even have to talk,you can just cry, blub, say what you want, or nothing. Please? You do matter.

greeneyed · 17/07/2013 21:13

meh how long have you been on the meds, they take two weeks to start working and you are on the lowest dose. Go back to docs, fwiw fluoxetine has changed my life. You WILL feel better one day this will be in the distant past and you will find joy in life again. Hang on in there. You are worth it and people love you.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 17/07/2013 21:14

Definitely go back to the gp and tell them how you are feeling, they can only help you if they know about it. Sometimes it can take a few tries before you find the right medication and dosage for you.

How old are your beautiful children?

pjmama · 17/07/2013 21:15

How long have you been on the fluoxetine? My dr told me when I started taking it that if I had suicidal thoughts, to stop and contact them straight away. It's awful feeling the way you do, but it can get better - please see your gp ASAP xx

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/07/2013 21:15

I've never hurt so much, I can't breath.

I've got some stress management courses and some counselling to go on soon, but I'm just waiting for the appointments to be set.

OP posts:
LEMisdisappointed · 17/07/2013 21:16

What greeneyed said, they take time to start working but PLEASE go to your doctors because it is known that these type of drugs can, rarely, give rise to thoughts of suicide in the first few weeks - your doctor needs to know how you are feeling.

Can you tell us why you feel this way, how you got to be on the meds? Do you have children? You write intelligently - you sound like a good person.

We can see you and hear your anguish, we are listening xx

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/07/2013 21:17

My children are 18 months and 3 years old. How can I leave them? They need me.

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 17/07/2013 21:17

call the samaritans they really do help xxx I am sorry you are feeling like this - please remember you are ILL - if you had had surgery you would expect it to hurt a bit before getting better slowly - be kind to yourself x

Paintingrainbowskies · 17/07/2013 21:17

The Samaratins will always listen 08457 90 90 90

londonrach · 17/07/2013 21:18

You matter. Please talk to someone be it the gp, friends or family. You matter alot more than you think. Xxxx

Snoopytwist · 17/07/2013 21:19

Hang on in there - this panic and pain will pass. Focus on getting through the next five minutes, then congratulate yourself, before on to the next five. We are all here with you xxx

Original poster
Meh84 · 17/07/2013 21:19

I've lost the bestest friend I ever had. We had a huge falling out, she done something so utterly stupid and I judged her for it.

She needed me and I wasn't there. Now, she won't respond to emails or texts and that's it. It's hurting me so much, 14 years down the pan. It's finished, I can't do anymore and I don't even know if I can forgive her, but I just want a hug from her.

OP posts: