A bit miffed re new colleague

[bluedayinjuly]

Namechanged because not very proud of how I'm feeling.

Basically a senior position where I work has been vacant for the best part of two years and I have been doing that work. It's a public sector organisation and promotions are embargoed at the moment. So they have now got sanction to recruit someone from outside on a three year contract.
The new person arrived yesterday and is a good bit younger than me, seriously intelligent, very successful, really good looking, has a little baby while I had to have a hysterectomy last year and have no kids, head of organisation singing her praises and even bought cakes for her arrival (unheard of normally!).
AIBU to be feeling a bit blue and not want to come into work anymore?

Did they give you the opportunity to apply for the role?

I think you're just feeling jealous/ envious. So green, rather than blue.

Remind yourself that sometimes life isn't fair. And then work out how to make the best of the situation you're in.

I do empathise - I'm in the public sector too, and in-house promotions are highly unlikely.

No! In fairness, I got loads of praise for how I did the job but suddenly a new requirement was introduced and I think they wanted someone with this background to bring to the table(hence going outside the public sector).
I know I'm being stupid but if it had been someone older or from within the PS I don't think I'd find it so bad.

It's hard not to feel jealous in that situation I would imagine. Just don't act on it
Don't be too hard on yourself, she may turn out to be quite lovely. But for now I'd probably be looking for faults,

Well, you're only human so no need to feel ashamed or stupid about feeling that way.

However, try not to obsess about it. I'm sure this new person has her problems and insecurities as well. I've got really upset about work things in the past and look back now and wonder what on earth I was getting into such a state about. Jobs come and go. You'll look back in a couple of years and it won't matter a bit.

I don't blame you for feeling jealous. I often do. I work in a sector where 22 year old's turn up straight out of uni and automatically get paid about twice as much as me (different job, mind) and sometimes it's hard not to stew.

It's not her particular fault though, so don't blame her personally. And brush up your CV with all the extra work you did to cover over the past few years!

I remember feeling a bit like that about a colleague years ago. I really really got angsty about her getting better work than me, being more confident and so on, and would often go home from work in tears.

We have long long since gone our separate ways, would probably not even recognise each other in the street, and yet I wasted all of that energy getting worked up about her.
Seriously, it's not worth it. Do your job as best you can and don't worry about her.

Fast forward three years. Her contract ends, you still have a job.

But I think in your shoes I would feel exactly the same.

Meh. I'm on the fence here.

I'm young, and get judged a lot for that. I look a hell of a lot younger than I am, so I'm doubly-judged. It bothers me a lot that people will hate me automatically. I worked hard to get to where I am in my career.

But, I do understand how you feel, too. And I can't blame you for being jealous. Just maybe try not to show her? You could become good colleagues.

Do you know the worst thing? She'll actually turn out to be quite nice so you'll want to hate her AND feel guilty.

You don't know her. You don't know what sacrifices or hardships she's gone through to get this job. Or what difficulties and traumas she has ahead of her. Everyone is different, but few people have everything on a plate.

If you work somewhere where others genuinely hate you automatically you really need to find somewhere new to work. But I doubt if that's really true.

There will always be people who are good at things you're not as good at, and if you're so minded you can make yourself feel like crap about that (which I think you've done). It makes no sense to mope about not being perfect at everything, since clearly that's impossible. Just figure out what it is that makes YOU stand out and look for roles that optimise that.

Yep like a PP I've been on the other end of the situation before now, and it's hard for the other person too. But if you treat it as an opportunity maybe once you feel a bit better about it, it might turn into a situation where you get promoted/more money/more responsibility especially if you're seen to be gracious about it. That, or learn stuff off her and get a better job somewhere else

I remember a long time ago being desperately jealous of my boss. She was the managements darling, every man and some of the women were in love with her, she was a gorgeous size 8 to my messy, not very well groomed size 12/14 and was always head to toe in designer gear as she lived at home with very posh parents.

Her weekends were spent in ibiza. Mine were at best in the local pub. At worst trying to decorate my house single handedly.

Jealous much?

She eventually got found out for embezzlement and spent 2 years in prison.

Not saying that the one in your company will do the same. But things are not always as rosy as you think!

Thanks everyone. I do actuallly think she's a nice person (which makes me feel worse really. If she was horrible I could just tell myself 'well at least you're nice and considerate, not like her'.

Glad most people feel my reaction is normal (if not one to be sustained). Will just have to get on with things. On the plus side it means I can relax a bit re work as I have been covering for two people for ages - and also won't feel guilty about doing less than she is as she is getting the bigger salary and title.

Good positive thinking there.

Would you rather work for a nasty person? Is she setting a positive role model for othe women in the organsiaition?