Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this behaviour towards children really really disturbing?

12 replies

KBabs · 17/07/2013 14:34

On holiday abroad last week visited DP's mothers place for a few days whilst there. On our last day there, DP's mother was looking after DP's cousins little girls (5 & 2) for the whole day as their parents were both working and their paternal GPs (the usual alternative caregivers in this case) were away on holiday that week.

DP's mother said she was about to take the kids for a walk whilst DP & I were setting up a BBQ in the garden. I popped back into the house to get some stuff from the freezer in the garage and I overheard DP's mother saying in a very flat tone of voice several times:

"your parents have abandoned you, you are all alone" Shock

Now my command of the said language is reasonably good in that I have spoken this language for 20 years, can hold a conversation and also understand nuance of tone of voice. I don't have children myself but I'm thinking that this is a pretty strange thing to say to children (regardless of language or culture). It did not appear to be part of a 'story' being told or part of a game or anything like that. Certainly in the case of these 2 children this is not true. Instinctively, my blood run cold.

Not the most elegant intervention I know, but the only thing I could think of at the time was to disrupt the flow of what appeared to be a really creepy monologue. So I walked into the area and asked DP's mother where I could find something for the BBQ. I then asked the children whether they liked sausages (yay!) and emphasised to them that the children's parents would be with us very SOON.

When I stepped into the room the children did not appear to be visibly upset or crying but were not happy or excited either. They had neutral expressions. DP mother did not give me much eye contact. I suggested that perhaps we could all go outside together. I asked the children if they would come and help us lay the table, make table place settings for everyone (including of course, their mum and dad).

I am still at a loss to understand what was going on here. This situation did not feel 'good' to me at all. AIBU should I have waited for something more concrete as evidence before clumsily stepping in?

I am not that familiar with the children's parents, only met them a few times. Without wanting to invoke the often discussed MiL/DiL dynamic (I don't really have a good relationship with DP mother at the best of times but put that down to personality preferences and try to remain civil) but this was really odd behaviour regardless IMO and because I am not that closely connected to the people involved unsure how to flag this up and with whom in a constructive way.

WWYD? Confused

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 17/07/2013 14:38

did the children look upset? how is the general relationship dynamic between this woman and the children usually?

sounds to me like it would be better if you kept out of it..

wonderingsoul · 17/07/2013 14:42

that sounds quite twisted

im not sure what i would do, prehasp tell the parents?

phantomnamechanger · 17/07/2013 14:42

that sounds freaky TBH - not sure what you can do, other than make it into a joke "haha MIL was just telling the kids you had ABANDONED them LOL" and see how the MIL and the parents react?

phantomnamechanger · 17/07/2013 14:43

then the parents could say "silly granny , we would NEVER abandon you!" while still keeping it pleasant

BlackeyedSusan · 17/07/2013 14:47

are you sure the word abandoned does not have another meaning in this language?

does sound unpleasant though.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 17/07/2013 14:50

I would ask my partner what the exact translation of was.
Then, when he told you and asked why you asked, say cos his mum was saying it to the kids and you assumed something must have been lost in translation because you can't believe she was saying what you understood her to be saying.

And I'd never forget what I'd heard her say so that when my own kids came along, I'd be watching...

GreenSkittles · 17/07/2013 19:36

Some people do have sadistic sides, you never know...

But I would talk it over with your DP, not in an accusatory way, but as if you couldn't quite understand the translation. See what he makes of it.

RiotsNotDiets · 17/07/2013 19:44

I would definitely speak to DP to check your translation. Then assuming you got it right I'd have to do something about it.

And like Hecsy said, she wouldn't be left alone with my children that's for sure.

DfanjoUnchained · 17/07/2013 19:53

She sounds pretty unhinged tbh. I would tell your dp what you heard and let him deal with it.

DfanjoUnchained · 17/07/2013 19:54

How many times did she say it?

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 17/07/2013 20:34

I think tell your DP.

There's no way it might have been a poem, or a line from a song, or something?

Turniptwirl · 17/07/2013 20:38

I think you handled it well and didn't make it confrontational

I'm still learning that young kids don't get sarcasm maybe she was trying to joke with them???

New posts on this thread. Refresh page