To not want a nanny

[YellowJug]

DC2 due in two months

DP has suggested we hire a temporary nanny to help me and partly to look after DS1 (currently 18months) for 6 weeks while I establish bf and recover from birth etc. also says nanny will be able to take DC2 for short periods so I can have some quality time with DS1.

this is lovely of him and i realise i am very lucky to have these options, but I can't help worrying it's a bad idea

DS has a wonderful nanny a 2 days a week anway as i work p/t, and we are going to keep her on during my maternity leave but unfortunately she cant extend her days with us so the temporary nanny would come for the other 3 days

I can't help but think that introducing another stranger into the mix when DS will already be coming to terms with the new arrival would just be too much to deal with. I think better for us to establish a routine for the three of us (me, DS and new baby) ASAP, even if it's hard going to start with

I struggled to cope in the early days with DS1 and DP and I argued a lot (although I think nothing beyond the realms of normal with a new baby nd hormones!) and DP says he is really keen to try and avoid it this time around

Another nanny sounds like too much.

Maybe get a cleaner or post-natal doula to come the other 3 days? If you have money to spend getting someone to do the cleaning and cooking and maybe hold the baby while you play with your DS1 would be nice.

I agree with maja00. My mum 'bought' me a cleaner for 8 weeks after DS2 was born and it was seriously the best present ever. Keep DC1s nanny 2 days a week after the birth and for as long as you need. Get a cleaner so you don't have to worry about that - or even a mother's help to do washing etc. Just not someone to look after DC1.

I found that DS2 slept a lot for the first few weeks so my time with DS1 wasn't that interrupted and really it was only bf and I could still play doing that. I found it so much easier the second time than the first and I would be worried that DC1 would feel pushed out by having another nanny.

Yy. Cleaner & ocado delivery 'allowance' bringing yummy ready meals. Plus a tactical 'from baby' present to dc1 (eg some garden play equipment)

I agree, another nanny would be too much. Do you have family who can he out?

As maja says, if you have money to spend, I would "contract out" domestic jobs like cleaning, laundry, ironing - may a temporary housekeeper, if such a person exists - so you can manage the kids ypurself and DS1 can feel included, but you're not too shattered.

Cook and freeze masses of food now!

I agree, a cleaner would be the best thing. I had one when DC4 was born and it was the best money we've ever spent.

You may well find you don't struggle as much, as you know what you're doing this time.

I had a cleaner for 6 months when DTwins were born and it was the best thing.

Bought DS a sandpit where he spent hours driving DH's old toy car collection round and round.

Thanks for comments
I do worry about how I'm going to keep DS entertained while feeding new baby- he was a difficult feeder, fed little and often, threw up a lot, fed again, had terrible back arching wind, so feeding and winding felt like a full time job for at least three months last time. I also had to express and top up on advice of HV (possibly dodgy advice in retrospect)

I don't think I could have paid attention to another child with that going on. But hoping for a more chilled-out feeder this time!

We do already have a cleaner but just two hours fortnightly, as our place is small, but could look to extend that. No family nearby sadly :(

We had a boring old routine (it was a few year ago)

Morning DH would get up and give DS breakfast, I would feed DTs.

I would get up and have breakfast, DH go to work, I wash and dress DCs.

Watch playdays with mid morning cuppa, or milk, whilst feeding babies.

Faff around, play trains, watch pingu, read books

lunch, feed babies

Toddler group

afternoon cuppa and drink & banana whilst watching 'Countdown' and feed babies

make tea

DH home, eat tea, feed babies then play

feed babies some more, bathtime for everyone, feed babies put them all to bed, crash out for an hour, feed babies and go to bed, crash out until first one wakens.

I just made sure he had things to do whilst I was feeding, we watched things together (routine had established itself whilst I was pregnant and could no longer do much as knackered) and talked together (ok - I talked to him as he was late talking). In-laws came and stayed a couple of times during the early months and kept him busy and kept to my routine too.

I agree. I think another nanny will be too much. Ds was 20mo when ddd was born and it was hard work, but largely because e wanted my attention. I would think trying to get him to go with someone else might end up with some god awful tantrums and be counter productive.

A cleaner is a definite, but I've insisted on a mothers help of some kind when my next baby arrives in November. Some one to come in for an hour or two everyday/ every other day, to do tidying/ mop the floor, put a load of washing on etc. just for a few weeks ( I will be having a section). I will have DH or DM around but to be honest there will still be plenty for them to do!!!
Maybe you could do that??

I think you should look into a post-natal doula, particularly one who has had breastfeeding training.

They are usually happy to do a bit of housework, put on a wash, cook lunch/dinner etc - but can also help settle the baby between feeds and give feeding advice if you have a difficult feeder.

I would have someone come in for a couple of hours either in the morning, or after your DS1's nap - whichever period might be harder.

i'd say yes - to take baby off your hands when poss so you can spend time w dc1. we are at 10weeks of this experience and it has been v difficult - i have regretted having dc2 on more than one occasion because of the effect it has had on dc1. hopefully it is settling down now, but it has been v difficult. if it doesnt settle soon, i'll hire one of the local teens in the afternoon to help me out.