To have mentioned this to nursery

[Weissbier]

Nursery have a work experience guy who came up to me at the summer party to say how sweet he thought DD was. In these words: "I wanted to find her parents today to inform them I'm taking her home with me!"

I mentioned it to the nursery manager - said I was sure it was nothing to worry about but both DH and I had felt uncomfortable, and could she confirm work exp. people were not left alone with the children? (My point being, such remarks reveal they are not professionals and they should only be working with the children according to their experience and training).

She confirmed they weren't alone with the children, so that was fine, but I also had to listen to a quarter of an hour about how I needed to think less because the guy was a nice person...which I'm sure he is...

Glad my DH who is a very good male childminder has more open minded parents on his books than you OP, because regardless of saying you have no issues with men in childcare, your post suggests otherwise by stating you have more of a problem with a man saying this than a woman. Sad and sexist.

I've apologized and said I was an idiot...

I`m glad your going to apologise, thats good but definately needed.

Its just so sad that there are people who are so suspicious of men working with children. These poor kids being brought up to believe that there are bogeymen in every corner.

I honestly - and I'm not making this up - thought it was weird coming from anyone, man or woman. I was pleased they had a guy in. I thought it was odd a nursery worker would express a preference for a particular child. It is slightly odder coming from a guy, more naive, but I would have found it odd coming from anyone. I called my mum who is a head teacher and she said we needed to mention it because it crossed a line. Had he been crb checked, I'd have left it. Had he been planning to become a nursery worker, I'd have left it, had he even been working for money, I'd have left it. Of course I realised that it was unlikely anyone planning anything would be open like this, but my mother told me not to be stupid and naivety went both ways. I don't want to bleat, and I haven't in my apology, I've just said I was an idiot and I'm really sorry. But, for all it may not sound like it, this wasn't about gender, this was about appropriate safeguards e.g. Inexperienced people, of either sex, unchecked, not working with children on their own. But I have apologized, because I can see that even if you take the gender thing out, which is offensive and which I never intended, it was an overreaction. So I'm glad I asked the MN jury or I guess I'd have gone on to be even more of an idiot.

But you said at the start 'I would have been less bothered by a woman saying it'

I've apologized and said I was an idiot...

First of many lessons to be learned now you are a parent, OP !!

I don't want to get shouty and be accused of being aggressive but honestly OP, why do you continue to refer to CRBs when you are not in the UK? That is a complete red herring and confusing for everyone here. You are also reading things into the work experience student's comments. Why shouldn't he (or any nursery worker/teacher) find some children cuter/easier/funnier than others? As long as they do not display overt favouritism, does it matter? Surely we all have relations, neighbours children etc whom we find easier to like than others?

You don't say what country you are in but cultural norms vary hugely between countries so what may be completely unacceptable here may be very normal there. Unless your headteacher mum lives there with you, I don't think she can judge on this particular situation.

To the many people pulling faces about CRB checks:

If he is young enough to be doing work experience, he may be young enough that you would need a CRB check to work with him!

(Disclaimer: I don't actually know what age the CRB thing cuts off at, I'm just making a point)

People are pulling faces about CRB checks mainly because the OP lives abroad and there ARE NO CRB checks!

You totally overreacted. I feel sad for him to have such suspicision cast over him, for a comment that is intended as a compliment.

You say you have informed the nursery manager but didn't actually 'complian' - well by informing the manager you have effectively complained and I hope they do not take this into consideration when they carry out his work experience assessment.

They may not be called CRB checks but many other countries carry out police checks for people working in nurseries, hospitals etc.

I don't know the rules for Germany, assuming the OP is in Germany from her name.

is it any wonder that men decide against working with children as it seems to be natural for some people to cast suspicion :(

What we have here is exactly like crb except it is up to you whether you run it, so I thought it was a fair translation. We run them for everyone except work exp right now. The guy is twenty. They do work exp later here.

No no no this won't impact on an assessment or anything like that, there is no such thing and I asked it go no further at the time. I was an idiot but even I didn't want it going that far. I only really wanted to know if he was alone with DD who he'd described as one of his favorites...

And yes, I would have been less bothered by a woman simply because men are usually very careful in how they express themselves in this context. The male Germans I asked all thought it was out of order

Fair enough OP you realised you might have overreacted and have apologised.

Yes, you were out of line and good that you've now apologised.

You and these male Germans who claim he crossed a line are utterly contemptible and I'm at a complete loss as to what this line is?

I smell a different agenda here.

'And yes, I would have been less bothered by a woman simply because men are usually very careful in how they express themselves in this context. '

I don't really believe that. You were suspicious of the comment and that's why you told the nursery.

Give over.

YWBVU.

Next.

He may not be assessed, but he might need a reference. It's good you've apoligised and I hope the nursery disregard your initial comments.

My dd doesn't need a CRB check aged 14 to do voluntary work with children BUT i am sure she would never be left in a room alone with them. Likewise, if I ever had Y10 work experience in my classroom they would never be alone with a child.

Part of work experience is gaining the idea of boundaries (as a teacher I would never say this or would say it as it creates the idea you have "favourites")

It's a compliment. Quite a common one. When I say I'm going to eat my dd up i don't mean i will literally eat her.

Op, well done for taking the universal yabu so well!! And also, is someone says 'they want to eat your dd up' , you don't need to call the police!