To have mentioned this to nursery

[Weissbier]

Nursery have a work experience guy who came up to me at the summer party to say how sweet he thought DD was. In these words: "I wanted to find her parents today to inform them I'm taking her home with me!"

I mentioned it to the nursery manager - said I was sure it was nothing to worry about but both DH and I had felt uncomfortable, and could she confirm work exp. people were not left alone with the children? (My point being, such remarks reveal they are not professionals and they should only be working with the children according to their experience and training).

She confirmed they weren't alone with the children, so that was fine, but I also had to listen to a quarter of an hour about how I needed to think less because the guy was a nice person...which I'm sure he is...

[TiggyD]

OP said her bit and everybody gave their opinion that the chap said nothing really inappropriate. Let's move on. Big hugs all round.

Similar topic: The nursery I've been doing supply in had 3 people on the early shift in one room, all male! And a male manager too.

[SmiteYouWithThunderbolts]

Jaysus, I've said before that a child is so cute I could eat them up. Are the police about to arrest me for threatening cannibalism?

YABVU and borderline hysterical tbh.

[Turniptwirl]

I'm regularly told by young leaders at rainbows and brownies that they're going to keep this girl or that girl. Totally harmless expression of fondness for a lively child!

I do think anyone working with kids should be crb checked and if they haven't been should never be unsupervised. I'm a leader in training with brownies and while we can't be alone with one child ever, I can supervise a group of kids without another leader as I have been crb checked, had referenced checked, been first aid trained etc. generally we always do things in a group anyway so I might be with one group but the whole pack is in the area with other leaders present.

[catgirl1976]

I was coming on to say YABU but I see you have already accepted that graciously which is laudable so I won't add to it

I will say though as a mother of a boy in nursery I wish there were more male nursery workers and I do think attitudes and reactions need to change in this area

[Mouthfulofquiz]

Oh god, this was clearly a joke or turn of phrase!! The checkout lady at sainsburys today asked if DS was for sale - guess what, I didn't actually sell mychild to a stranger!! I took it as a compliment :-)

[perplexedpirate]

Kudos due for taking the comments on board Weisbeer.

[Weissbier]

Thanks arethereany...I feel awful now of course but that's deserved and but I feel like I learnt something important. And I do know it won't affect the young man because I was very careful to establish that at the beginning of my conversation with the nursery manager.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Op, well done for taking the universal yabu so well!! And also, is someone says 'they want to eat your dd up' , you don't need to call the police!

[LilacPeony]

It's a compliment. Quite a common one. When I say I'm going to eat my dd up i don't mean i will literally eat her.

[RedHelenB]

My dd doesn't need a CRB check aged 14 to do voluntary work with children BUT i am sure she would never be left in a room alone with them. Likewise, if I ever had Y10 work experience in my classroom they would never be alone with a child.

Part of work experience is gaining the idea of boundaries (as a teacher I would never say this or would say it as it creates the idea you have "favourites")

[kelda]

He may not be assessed, but he might need a reference. It's good you've apoligised and I hope the nursery disregard your initial comments.

[StuntGirl]

Give over.

YWBVU.

Next.

[kelda]

'And yes, I would have been less bothered by a woman simply because men are usually very careful in how they express themselves in this context. '

I don't really believe that. You were suspicious of the comment and that's why you told the nursery.

[TheFallenNinja]

You and these male Germans who claim he crossed a line are utterly contemptible and I'm at a complete loss as to what this line is?

I smell a different agenda here.

[LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey]

Yes, you were out of line and good that you've now apologised.

[NotAQueef]

Fair enough OP you realised you might have overreacted and have apologised.

[Weissbier]

And yes, I would have been less bothered by a woman simply because men are usually very careful in how they express themselves in this context. The male Germans I asked all thought it was out of order

[Weissbier]

No no no this won't impact on an assessment or anything like that, there is no such thing and I asked it go no further at the time. I was an idiot but even I didn't want it going that far. I only really wanted to know if he was alone with DD who he'd described as one of his favorites...

[Weissbier]

What we have here is exactly like crb except it is up to you whether you run it, so I thought it was a fair translation. We run them for everyone except work exp right now. The guy is twenty. They do work exp later here.

[Owllady]

is it any wonder that men decide against working with children as it seems to be natural for some people to cast suspicion :(

[kelda]

I don't know the rules for Germany, assuming the OP is in Germany from her name.

[kelda]

They may not be called CRB checks but many other countries carry out police checks for people working in nurseries, hospitals etc.

[kelda]

You totally overreacted. I feel sad for him to have such suspicision cast over him, for a comment that is intended as a compliment.

You say you have informed the nursery manager but didn't actually 'complian' - well by informing the manager you have effectively complained and I hope they do not take this into consideration when they carry out his work experience assessment.

[Unexpected]

People are pulling faces about CRB checks mainly because the OP lives abroad and there ARE NO CRB checks!

[Pennyacrossthehall]

To the many people pulling faces about CRB checks:

If he is young enough to be doing work experience, he may be young enough that you would need a CRB check to work with him!

(Disclaimer: I don't actually know what age the CRB thing cuts off at, I'm just making a point)