Cancelling playdates

[Amitolamummy]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this.
Wondering if it's common for people to cancel play dates and meeting up with children?
I never cancel arrangements I've made, especially if they involve my children and other peoples children because I don't like to upset them. It upsets me when other people do and I automatically assume they don't like me/us. After it happens a few times I stop bothering as to me it's obvious they are just making excuses and don't want to see us.
If you make plans to go somewhere with someone, do you just change your plans at the last minute? Am I the only person that finds it rude?
Other people I know have this happen a lot and just accept it and carry on with the friendship

It depends on how often they cancel when arrangements have been made and what their reasons are. Giving one example, if their child is ill or caught something like chicken pox.

YABU. You can't judge peoples life and circumstances by your own. Also to say you never cancel arrangements doesn't really carry your argument. You've just never needed to. You might at some point.

YANBU. If you make an arrangement for a playdate it is rude to cancel for another playdate.

I had a friend who kept cancelling me. I had no idea at the time that she was suffering from severe PND and the thought of meeting up sounded good until the morning it was supposed to happen.

I've cancelled because of sick children. Ds had been up puking all night and the person I was meeting was the first person who would rant if her kids got ill from someone else's selfishness. She ranted at me via email as to how selfish I was to let her down and what was she supposed to do about lunch now? She was supposed to come for lunch.

Yet she thought nothing of taking her sick children places.

Some people are serial cancellers. Usually I just give up on them after a while - life's too short for that kind of messing around.

At one stage I had three very young DC and seemed to always have someone fall ill etc so did have to cancel things. But I would make profound apologies and try and rearrange if possible.

I think you have to judge each one on the circumstances - most people wouldn't make the arrangement in the first place if they really weren't interested. Very occasionally if having a busy/difficult week there might be a time when someone comes up with an "excuse" which is really a cover for "I just cant make the effort" but even then if it is a one off I would let it go.
It is upsetting for the DC so I can understand if you feel let down but if the reasons are genuine it is part of having young DC.

Oh and if you cancel the person who I cancelled above, she would then cancel subsequent arrangements at short notice until she had decided to forgive you.

I think it's really hard sometimes. I never cancel without reason and I always try to reschedule there and then but stuff happens with children. I recently met up with a friend after five reschedules, different reasons and some me some her.

Depends on the reason, surely?

Generally though I tend to think of stuff with children as fairly casual arrangements so just don't tell DS what we're doing in advance.

I am not the sort of person who would cancel because I have a better offer or just "because". I would cancel for illness and emergency.

My friends are the same.

Oops I didn't read the OP properly ...

cancelling because of illness - fair enough (though presumably they would say?), and it can't be a barrel of laughs to be stuck inside with poorly child rather than having fun with friends.

Cancelling because you can't be arsed or have had a better offer - not on. If this happened a lot I would ditch. And not just with regard to playdates either.

Good advice there about not telling the DC in advance - that way they are not too disappointed. I do that all the time even now with regards to things which might not go ahead.

I don't mean cancelling for illness or because they have something important they need to do. I mean agreeing to something and then making other plans instead. Or one that bugs me is cancelling play dates because their child has been naughty. That just upsets someone else's child too, who has probably been really looking forward to going round.
I don't judge peoples circumstances, I just think it is rude to cancel without giving a explanation or thinking how it might affect that person.

I guess if some people see arrangements with children as casual it would make sense them not caring about cancelling though. I'm a single parent so I either go out with my children or not at all.

Generally school friend arrangements are made in front of my son so it's hard to not tell him, but other ones I probably won't anymore.

Thanks for all your replies. It's so much easier to ditch rude friends if children aren't involved. If you continue to see them everyday at school it makes it a bit difficult

I had to cancel once as I'd double booked myself inadvertently. Usually I would always go through with a date unless ill or emergency.

But I don't tell the kids what we are doing until just before we do it and then no one gets disappointed. Eldest can now read though, and has now worked out how to read the calendar on the wall, so this tactic may have run it's course..

What I find bizarre is parents who pay for lessons (swimming/ballet etc) and then never turn up?