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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel that my new baby is being a bit ignored

32 replies

Amber76 · 17/07/2013 08:51

Had our second baby three weeks ago and there has been the bare minimum of fuss made - none of my oh siblings have even called to see him (or sent cards) yet. We've had very few visitors and my own father got the baby's name wrong yesterday!
When we had our first child just over two years ago there were lots of visitors/presents/cards, etc. Lots of congratulations and warm wishes for the baby. My oh said people are "babied out" as there are a lot of grandchildren on both sides now - I disagree and think its sheer laziness. When they had their children we were always delighted for them and interested to see how they and the baby were doing. I suppose the weather isn't helping - everyone wants to enjoy the sun rather than being indoors admiring a newborn. But still....a bit of acknowledgement that he exists would be nice.
I'm a proud mum and am dying to show him off!

OP posts:
MildDrPepperAddiction · 17/07/2013 08:53

Aww, congratulations on your new baby.

It's natural to want the fuss. Your OH is probably right, but it's still not ok for none of them to call to see you both.

Relish the quiet time with your baby. Smile

Delayingtactic · 17/07/2013 08:56

I think your being a teeny bit unreasonable. I can understand that wish to show off your little one but people naturally make less of a fuss for dc2. Why don't you call them and ask them over?

Fwiw my mom gets my name wrong on occasions and she picked it!

CreatureRetorts · 17/07/2013 08:57

People made a fuss of my second. Of course it's rude!

YANBU

Shenanagins · 17/07/2013 08:58

If its any consolation we are finding the same with our second born. That said there has been incredible generosity shown by some to both children.

i have noticed that we have taken less photos this time round - poor little guy!

TeWiSavesTheDay · 17/07/2013 08:59

Congratulations!

They are arses. Ring them up and cry (you can blame it on hormones later)

My pfb got 30+(!) New baby cards, my DS, born on Christmas eve, got 4.

I was really upset and imagining he was going to he ignored forever, but his first birthday went well at least.

milkymocha · 17/07/2013 09:01

I felt the same way about my DS2. It was a month before my own mother see him Shock

MiaowTheCat · 17/07/2013 09:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 17/07/2013 09:13

when we had dd 4 it was a non event in our family to be honest.

but that's fine by me as with ds 1 the constant visiting made me ill.

you have all this special time with just you dh and your newbie so I say enjoy.

SouthBySouthWest · 17/07/2013 09:26

I know this won't make you feel better but my DS2 has been all but ignored by my DH's side of the family. His brother hasn't even bothered to meet him yet and DS2 is almost 11 months. They live about an hour away and come over this way a lot. There's just no interest. I've given up caring.

isitsnowingyet · 17/07/2013 09:26

Flowers Congratulations on the birth of your second child!

Of course he is just as important as the first. I found the same thing happen with my second son with MIL who continued to 'favour' my DS1 for a number of years Sad. Made me wonder if she had done the same with her own children - which indeed she had.

I found it very strange, as I do my best to treat all of kids individually, and not to favour one above the other.

mittensthekitten · 17/07/2013 09:31

I found that my second child got less fuss than my first - there was quite a gap between my two, but I think having a baby for the first time and having another baby is seen as quite different by people. It's a shame but nothing the baby will be aware of. As your baby gets older, people will take more of an interest, or that's what I found anyway.

SaucyJack · 17/07/2013 09:34

Why don't you invite them round for tea and cake? Takes two to tango.

peachactiviaminge · 17/07/2013 09:50

Same here. DS is eleven weeks old he's never met any of my family or DHs sister despite my family being 19 miles away for an egg throwing competition one weekend and SIL living a bus ride away. It really really hurts but in the end its their loss.

nappyaddict · 17/07/2013 10:41

When my DS was born after a few weeks and when I felt up to it we invited everyone round for a BBQ and to wet the baby's head. We made up a list of everything we needed and asked each family to bring something so it didn't cost the earth either.

gotthemoononastick · 17/07/2013 10:47

Do they know if they are allowed to visit yet?People really do not know if they are imposing or not....loads of threads where new mums want to be left alone and woe betide any 'poppers-in'

josiejay · 17/07/2013 10:47

YANBU. Three weeks without a card or visit is just plain rude!

Congratulations on your new baby. Enjoy your family time together and never mind about them.

Kveta · 17/07/2013 10:49

same here - she's 13 months now, and her 1st birthday was ignored by many of my family - same family who showered DS with attention when he was a baby, and still do treat him like the second coming. However, DH and I treat the 2 of them the same, and will just limit contact with family who treat her differently - she's just as awesome as he is, wish they could see that :o

FriskyHenderson · 17/07/2013 10:50

It's a PSB thing. Wait until you have DC4 Wink We waited to see how long it would take for DH's family to acknowledge the birth... eventually we went up to see them six months later. At that point none of them had even seen a photo.

WaitMonkey · 17/07/2013 10:50

I found there was a lot less fuss made when dc2 was born, and even less when dc3 was born. Still makes me sad to think about it. But theres nothing to be done about it anyway.

DIYapprentice · 17/07/2013 11:10

The fuss made of your DC1 wasn't just about DC1, it was also about you being a mother for the first time. Becoming a family with a child is an incredibly large change.

Having a DC2 just isn't the same. I'll bet you didn't do anywhere near as much preparation, worrying or fussing before DC2's birth that you did with DC1, did you?!

MumofWombat · 17/07/2013 11:23

I understand how you are feeling. My family (who live on the other side of the world to me) have made the same amount of fuss. DHs family (in the same country but 2-3hrs away) certainly didn't. DD was three weeks old when they came visiting - but only because something else was happening that weekend. She may be grandchild no. 6 but she is the only granddaughter - even that wasn't enough of a draw.

Congratulations on having a snugly newborn!

MumofWombat · 17/07/2013 11:30

Sorry - should add that grandchildren 1-4 belong to BIL. Apparently MIL saw each of them within hours of being born.
This tells you everything about the favouritism in this family. Not that MIL can see it...

MummytoMog · 17/07/2013 11:42

The same thing happened with my DS, who was 18 months younger than my DD. I think it's just second child syndrome. I felt a bit hard done by, but all the visits after DD was born were QUITE annoying. So I didn't mind so much ;)

DeWe · 17/07/2013 12:37

The second child isn't such a life changing event, so you don't expect as much.

Dd1 had over 100 cards and about 80-90 presents. I know because I was writing thank you letters for about 3 months. Grin
Dd2 had about 20, mostly close family and close friends.
Ds had about 10, very close family and a couple of friends.
It's made no difference to how anyone treats any of them.

worsestershiresauce · 17/07/2013 13:02

I had dd about 10 years later than most people, and hardly anyone expressed any interest at all. My parents didn't see her until she was 6 weeks old as they live abroad. I was totally fine with that. I think you need snap out of it OP, other people's babies are really rather uninteresting. It was nice that you enjoyed the fuss first time round, but you can't expect it every time.

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