to ignore my 5 year old son's wishes..

[welshinexile]

In short, we need to move from the south of england as we can't afford to buy a house and need some security for DS 5 and DD 2.

My DS has just completed his reception year and loves school- he didnt know anyone when he started and has made a good friendship group and is very happy and excited about starting year 1.

We have tentatively mentioned moving and tried to sell it as having a garden, own room etc but he is adamant he doesnt want to move and leave his school and mates and gets extremely upset about it. He is an emotional little boy and I am so worried that it will really affect him.

We havent yet found new jobs or anything so its not imminent but I have rented for years and years and just want my own home!

Am I being too precious?!

Er yeah. And it was daft to tell him when you haven't sorted anything out yet.

The whole move could take months - that's forever to a child.

You shouldn't have said anything to him until arrangements were well under way. A few months is a lifetime to a child and you have distressed him for nothing.

I wouldn't have said anything tbh.

Children do adapt quickly though, he will make new friends in whichever school you put him in and he would soon forget about his old friends.

I moved a round quite a lot as a child. I can't remember ever having a say in the decision making process.

He will make new friends. He will love having his own room and a garden.

You really shouldn't have told him till it was finalised - especially if he's sensitive. It's just going to worry him and make him feel insecure now.

Having done it, I think you need to just reassure him that nothing is going to change immediately and that you'll tell him if there is any news.

best to not mention anything until you have got jobs/ house and its all sorted.

then tell him and expect tears and unsettling until he sees the new house/school/ goes for a taster day and then he will be fine.

the time to move is when they are this little as to be honest friendships are made and changed in a day and its the age where he will settle at any normal school.

my advice is do it sooner than later.

You are the parent and see a far bigger picture than 5 year old. We moved when ours were 10 and 7, we didn't give them an option, we just told them that we were moving and "sold" the new place to them. I can't believe you would seriously think of changing plans for such a young child.

we moved at the end of reception - my DS was not happy about it -I put off telling him for ages as i knew he would stress about it - but he settled fine and is very happy

Why did you tell him when it's so far removed from definite?

Of course you should move, your first paragraph details why.

Not at all, I frequently let 5 year olds dictate my life choices.

We told him because he overheard us talking about it - its been an ongoing debate for a while and he has already moved twice since he was born due to the inherent instability of renting.

It was, I recognise, an idiotic thing to do as obviously wouldnt want to upset him.

We're considering moving back down to the south west for a variety of reasons, my sons love it down there (my family are mostly down there) and my 5 year old honestly wouldn't really mind either way. My eldest is nearly 10, I have probably been too honest but it was instigated by his questions.

The bottom line is not to go on about it too much, it then becomes a fear. He has no real choice in the move, nor should he, it's too big a decision. There may be valid concerns that certainly need addressing, but address them when the move is a REAL thing rather than an idea.

When and if you move, there will probably be tears and tantrums and guilt trips. You will never know whether it was the right choice until you've done it.

BUT... I moved at 4, 8 and 15, and have survived. Because my parents put a lot of effort into getting me embedded in the new community as fully as possible. (Okay, I'm still bitter about the move at 15, but you live and learn, I cannot blame my parents as it was the best things for the whole family).

You need to DROP the conversations. Answer his questions gently and honestly but DO NOT TRY TO SELL THE IDEA to him.

Good luck by the way.