I know I am BVU in fact I am having a strop!

[midnightisaplace]

I can't help it! DH and I moved country two years ago to live in my home town. The main reason behind the move was to be close to my family. The idea being that this would make life easier as we would have childcare help available from my parents.

My parents are both retired and after working all their lives and bringing up their own four children I know they deserve to enjoy their retirement. My original plan had been to put DS in full time childcare and to rely on parents for emergencies. My parents however persuaded me that they wanted to do one day a week. The problem is that my parents are never at home. They are always on holiday. This leave other relatives having to cover their one day a week and also means we have nobody to rely on for emergencies. My parents are on their second month long holiday of the year. They have also been on at least two week long breaks and a few mid week breaks since January.
The reason I am in a strop now is that I was planning to book an anniversary break for DH and myself on the August bank holiday and ask my parents to look after DS. This would be our only overnight away from DS this year so not a regular occurance. I figured they coldn't possibly be away as I knew hey had a mid week break booked earlier in August and a two week break in early September. Guess what, they are away the bank holiday weekend as well!!

I haven't told my parents yet but I have arranged for DS to go to his childminder five days a week from September. They are going to be very upset but what can I do if they are never here!!

YANBU: your expectations have not been met. Neither are your parents BU. Your approach of 5 days a week booked childcare is the way forward. Your parents can still take your DS when they are around but you won't have to panic when they are not :-) I hope you get a break some time (just prob not august bank holiday...).

You're being a little unreasonable, but like you said, you already know that.

They may have had good intentions to begin with but they've worked all their lives and raised their children, now they're enjoying the time and money to do what they want to do.

Thanks! It just helps to vent sometimes. My childhood was fantastic and my parents are amazing people. They deserve all they now have in life. It just gets frustrating sometimes trying to juggle what they want to do and what they actually do.
Unfortunately my Dh feels a little cheated as he was persuaded to move here with promises of more support than actually materialised.

It's not fair for your parents to keep messing you around and when you do tell them about the new plans be sure and make it clear that it's because they are being unreliable that things have to change. It might make them approach things differently in future.

Obviously, they have every right to do as they please but it's not right to let you down constantly.

Yanbu, ive had similar situations & it's very frustrating, on the one hand you are eternally grateful of their support & relationship with dcs, on the other the terms & conditions can make child care a minefield & stretch even the closest relationships.

YANBU about the childcare arrangement - daft of them to offer to have him one day a week if they spend half the year on holiday.

I don't think you're being unreasonable about the overnight either, as they're messing you around.

Though no doubt you'll get someone telling you you're lucky that you get what you do, to stop moaning and get on with it - your children your problem.

:)

YANBU I would maybe book the full five days. Maybe ask GP if they would occasionally like to have DS for a weekend. That way they get to spend time with him and you get some down time and can arrange an odd weekend away. That would seem best of both worlds?????

YANBU

They made a commitment to you and DS but they're not sticking to it. They may be upset, but you are right, you needed to know you can rely on them. And you can't.

Yanbu they haven't kept to what they agreed with.