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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to not want DD to go on holiday to the channel islands with her grandparents?

27 replies

newfashionedmum · 16/07/2013 14:55

..she's 8 and sometimes much younger than her years but is close to her granny - although they live in a different city. She does stay with them at their house regularly but this feels a step too far and I worry she'll feel too far away as it will involve a plane or ferry trip. She doesn't sleep well away from home at the best of times and likes the familiarity of her own things around her. I know a bit of this is my anxiety about her being away from me but AIBU?

OP posts:
Madamecastafiore · 16/07/2013 14:56

Let her try it. You can always go being her home. Channel Islands isn't the other side of the world.

MmeLindor · 16/07/2013 14:59

I'd let her go, since she is close to her granny.

Its you worrying about it, not her, from your OP.

My DD just got back from a 2 week trip to Germany with the Scouts. It really helped her self-confidence and she had a great time.

HeySoulSister · 16/07/2013 14:59

What has she said about it?

Yonihadtoask · 16/07/2013 15:02

How does DD feel? As others say - is it you that is worrying not her?

I would let her go with encouragement from you. Don't keep asking her if she will be okay, and if she needs xy and z to get to sleep or whatever. Big it up as a great trip with grandparents and I reckon she will have a great time.

At 8 yo she is growing up quickly and it is good to encourage independence from parents.

ShatnersBassoon · 16/07/2013 15:02

Assuming your DD wants to go on the trip, then yes, I think YABU.

trinity0097 · 16/07/2013 15:10

Stop worrying! I went on my first solo trip to stay with my grandparents when I was 4 - my parents left me at the check-in desk at Heathrow and my grandparents collected me from the arrivals hall in the Isle of Man. I was fine and was far too busy having fun with my grandparents to miss my parents. You can speak every day on the phone if you want!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 16/07/2013 15:14

What does DD say? If she's keen to go I'd let her.

Original poster
newfashionedmum · 16/07/2013 15:18

Haven't asked her - we wanted to be sure how we felt first. We had an occasion a few months back where she phoned us up distraught because she wanted us to come and fetch her from her granny's (we didn't but at least we knew it was possible) I'd hate to have that phone call without even having the option.
As I said she can sometimes be younger than her years - separation anxiety - has only just managed her first sleepover, a friend over the road she's know since she was born, despite us trying it a few times recently..

OP posts:
MmeLindor · 16/07/2013 15:32

It has to come from you as a big deal, and with no sign of hesitation on your part.

'Isn't this great. Granny is going to take you on holiday. Come I will show you what you can visit there...'

If she picks up that you are worried, then it will worry her too.

maddy68 · 16/07/2013 17:23

she will be fine and enjoy it - I used to go away with my grandparents when I was young, memories memories
Its you that will find it difficult - she womt bat an eye lid and will LOVE it

maddy68 · 16/07/2013 17:24

and it will do her the world of good being away from you of she has separation anxiety in a safe and secure, loving environment

Flobbadobs · 16/07/2013 17:29

My DD is the same age and exactly the same as yours wrt the separation anxiety. How long is the holiday? Could she maybe build up from one night to a weekend then onwards to the holiday?
I would be torn too. You want them to be independant but thes always the worry that something will happen that only you could sort out or that she'll be distraught, hours away and inconsolable at 3am!
Mine will be going on Brownie camp for 4 days soon, she's excited to go but we're secretly dreading it in a way because evrything will be out of our control. It's hard but we have to let them just do it at some point!

Scrounger · 16/07/2013 17:44

Another consideration, how old are your parents and how active? My ILs suggested a long weekend with my DC and her cousin. DH and I weren't comfortable with it because of their age. They are great with them but FIL is nearly 80 and whilst MIL has a lot of energy for her age it is a lot for them to have two very active children for 3 nights. In the end the suggestion has just slid, mainly because PIL had their GD for one night and two days and were so tired out that they had to be in bed at 9.30 that night as they were so tired. I think they realised just how much work it would be.

exoticfruits · 16/07/2013 19:02

As long as she is happy it sounds a great idea to me.

AnyaKnowIt · 16/07/2013 19:04

A word of warning if she does go, she will need travel insurance. No NHS and that EU card thingy means nothing over here.

Original poster
newfashionedmum · 16/07/2013 23:58

Thanks all and for the practical advice Anya
I had decided no and was after reassurance I wasn't being a fusspot but now I think I'm gonna go for it...Will get her Dad to tell her as he'll be genuinely excited. What swings it is the thought of how happy everyone will be about it, apart from me! I'll just have to grit my teeth and hope she's OK. Its the 3am Flobbadobs scenario I dread!

OP posts:
AnyaKnowIt · 17/07/2013 08:41

aww bless :) I'm sure she will enjoy it Grin

NoComet · 17/07/2013 08:52

I went on holiday to Scotland with my Grandparents at 8. I'd never slept away from my parents before then.

I had a ball, far too busy having fun to be homesick.

Turniptwirl · 17/07/2013 08:54

She'll be fine!

If she is happy to go then absolutely let her

reelingintheyears · 17/07/2013 08:57

She'll have a great time, i used to send mine off with my Mum loads.
She first had DD to stay for a week when she was 13 months and me and DP went canoeing in France.
They loved each others company, days out and being shown off to all Mum's friends and relatives Grin

JerseySpud · 17/07/2013 08:58

Which Channel Island?

If anything were to go wrong its not hard to get back off here, there are flights every hour and 2 boats a day

MmeLindor · 17/07/2013 09:11

That is brilliant. She will have a ball.

Tell your mum that there are to be no calls at 3am. If she does get upset, she is to tell her that it is the middle of the night and it would be better to wait till the morning to call mummy.

Things always seem worse at 3am.

I would also try and refrain from calling too often. Let her decide when she wants to call you. That way she calls to tell you something exciting and fun. If you call 2 mins after she has just had an argument with granny about getting another cake, then there will be tears.

sweetmelissa · 17/07/2013 09:14

Please let her go. It will be a lovely experience for her and do her so much good developmentally.

Sirzy · 17/07/2013 09:16

Glad you have decided to let her go.

I have taken away groups of children similar age and they have been with someone they don't know and still managed to have a fantastic time. Some have initial homesickness but by the end of the weekend none want to go home!

I can understand you being hesitant but I am sure she will love it.

Original poster
newfashionedmum · 17/07/2013 11:40

it's not my mum, (that scenario would be a long way off - she doesn't even stay with her yet) it's my DPs. My DD had an extremely difficult start in life and her separation anxieties are perfectly rational in that context - but I want to gently encourage her out of them and I think she's ready whereas she definately wasn't a year ago.
I'm actually quite excited for them! Thanks for your encouragements all

OP posts:
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