Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to only take one of my two children to a wedding?

16 replies

MortifiedAdams · 14/07/2013 18:47

Have been invited to a wedding when dd will be 2.3 and new baby will (all things going well) be circa 8wks.

we have taken dd to a couple of weddings so far this year and tbh it was just a bit of a stress. Whilst she is a happy and well behaved little girl, sittong still throughout a long church service and a three course meal really is not that interesting for her. Dh and & invariably end up taking her out during the vows or the speeches to run off some steam.in the grounds.

We are at a childfree wedding next week and I know we will be able to totally concenrate on the couple - the vows, speeches, relax 100% durong the meal.

Another friend is marrying early next year and we will be in the situation described at the beginning - a 2.3 yo and an 8wo. I had already mentally planned not to take dd but since finding out we are expecting dc2, am.in a quandry.

I will, more than likely, end up FFing again, so leabing the newborn will be possible ina practical sense, but will I want to? Leaving dd1 behind I can justify, as I know she will have a better time with Nanna doing fun kiddy things but a baby that young wont know or care where they are.

But then, we will be three quarters of a family if we go without her.

Or am I overthinking this?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 14/07/2013 18:49

I would see it as a wonderful opportunity for dd to have one to one special time with Nanna, see how you feel about leaving baby too - you may be desperate for a decent nights sleep...

Sirzy · 14/07/2013 18:50

A lot can change in a year, how your DD reacts now to things will be very different to how she reacts then.

Can you not wait until nearer the time to decide?

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 14/07/2013 18:53

Will if they won't know or care what's the problem?

fairylightsinthespring · 14/07/2013 18:55

We took DD to a wedding when she was 6 weeks old and DS who was 2 was left at home with GP. DD was pretty much no trouble, as you would expect, just slept, needed pushing around a bit, feeding, it was fine. DS would have been a total nightmare during the long service and long speeches and we ALL had a lot more fun. He got to spend the day with his GP who dote on him rather than being shushed and told off all day.

LittleBearPad · 14/07/2013 18:57

See how you feel at the time and don't worry about it until then. You don't know what type of baby DC2 will be or how you will feel. It won't matter what people think if you are happy with the decision you make closer to the time. Congratulations by the way!

DeWe · 14/07/2013 19:03

We went to a wedding with only one of our three dc.
The wedding was "if you arrange child care that would be great as we're short of space, if you can't then we'd rather have you and dc than not have you".

We were staying with my dp who find all three for all day is a bit of an effort, so we agreed to take dd2 (age 5) to the main ceremony and wedding breakfast, and dd1 (age 8) to the evening ceremony.
Ds (age 2) didn't come at all. We agreed this with the couple, others had made similar sorts of arrangements.

It worked out very well as on our table there was another 5yo who dd2 struck up a friendship with, and dd1 thought that she'd got the best bit of the deal because she got a late night.
Ds had a wonderful day being spoilt by his grandparents.

All win.

Original poster

MortifiedAdams · 14/07/2013 19:09

I suppose part of me is worried about other peoples judgement if we do this. I wouldnt want people pitying dd1 at being 'left behind' even though sje would much rather have a fun day doing stuff that interests her rather than having to sit still and quiet most of the day.

Never thought about DPs having both to get a full nights sleep!!

OP posts:

MrsMook · 14/07/2013 19:11

Sounds fine. A two yr old won't miss it- they're just having a different adventure. You probably would want the new baby with you regardless of feeding method.

selsigfach · 14/07/2013 19:16

You would be perfectly reasonable to leave DD behind. Like you said, she will have a much better time with granny.

pooquickly · 14/07/2013 19:25

at 2 seperate weddings we left DS who was 2 years 2 months and DD who was 2 years 7 months at home. Because we didn't want to be chasing them around outside when the wedding was going on. Or them spoiling the ceremony and vows with shouting cos i wouldn't have been able to keep them quiet. Sitting through a reception is a no no aswell.
Someone did ask where DS was and i said they are at home with DH cos they won't sit still and we'd have a better time without him there.
SO no YANBU. Am sure the bride and groom will prefer not having the toddler noise throughtout ceremony and speeches etc.

superram · 14/07/2013 19:29

We are taking dd aged 4to a wedding in sep as she is bridesmaid. Leaving dd aged 1 with gp as she is a runner and although on the whole well behaved will be bored senseless for a whole day.

meganorks · 14/07/2013 20:33

I have a couple of weddings this year with same ages as you. Taking newborn as breastfeeding so not practical to leave. But probably wouldnt want to even if ff. Both child free weddings but fine with newborn. But to ne honest wouldn't want to take dd1. Don't think weddings are particularly fun for small children and she is pretty hyper. Would just mean we are missing parts of the wedding trying to keep her quiet and entertained.

So personally I would say just take the newborn, enjoy the wedding safe in the knowledge that you toddler is probably having way more fun somewhere else

meganorks · 14/07/2013 20:39

RE worrying what other people think - just don't! None of their business! But pretty sure no one would care. Certainly fewer than if a bored and over tired toddler started kicking off!

Myliferocks · 14/07/2013 20:44

When my step sister got married we took our 8 yr old, 4 yr old and 5 week old. We left our 2 yr old and 14 month old DC with my DP's parents.
They had a great time and we had a stress free time at the wedding.

Aniseeda · 14/07/2013 21:30

YANBU. Take the baby, have a lovely day (I remember newborns suddenly seemed so easy once I was used to toddlers!) and don't feel guilty. The toddler won't be missing anything of interest to her and will have a nice day with Granny. If you leave both children, much of Granny's time will be spent dealing with the newborn so let the toddler have Granny to herself

attheendoftheday · 14/07/2013 22:53

Leaving a newborn is not just about the practicalities of feeding, I wouldn't have wanted to leave either of my dc so young. I would take the baby and leave your older one with Nanna, seems totally appropriate to me.

Flip