to be really really annoyed with some of my 'family'

[xalyssx]

My aunt, uncle and 3 cousins are awful to me. It seems like everything I do upsets them. It started when I was 15 and I looked after their cats when they were on holiday. When they got back they accused me of having a party there, but they never mentioned this to me, they just gossiped behind my back to other members of the family. Needless to say I never did anything they thought I did. Fast forward to last year after I had my baby. I put a picture of my son on Facebook and immediately my uncle texted my mum to say that I was putting pictures on horrible websites. .. she immediately panicked, and again they said nothing to me. Then I was just having a casual email conversation with my 16yr old cousin and she mentioned that she thought I used to date a guy she knows. I denied it, and then the next thing I know I'm getting angry emails from my aunt saying that I'm bullying my cousin and that I'm now banned from speaking to her. Christmas comes and obviously I don't expect anything but I give them a tin of biscuits and a tin of chocolates. They give me a small present and my son an expensive toy. I phone them on Christmas Day and thank them, and they don't even acknowledge my gift. Last week they started complaining to my granny that they haven't received a thank you letter... I haven't seen them since January, except when I had to get my son to hospital urgently and I phoned them asking for a lift. They were in Spain so they couldn't help, and I didn't continue the conversation because I was trying to get an ambulance. Today my granny phones me and says that my uncle is moaning at her because I didn't text him back! Not only was my son very ill but they were in Spain and I didn't want to run up a phone bill... I don't mind if they have a problem with something I do I just wish that they would let me know... What can I do? I don't want to upset my mum and my granny I just don't want this stress in my life I'm now expected to send a grovelling message to my uncle apologising for not replying immediately

You can't do anything at all except have as little as possible to do with these people.You have done nothing wrong.Go through the list above with your mum, ask her to sort your gran out and say that the only apology you want to be involved with is from your uncle to you-then ignore until you get it.

Jesus don't even waste your energy on these lunatics. No presents, no contact with them, because no matter what you do you will be in the wrong anyway.

Some people must really have nothing better to do.

I talked to my mum about it a year ago when I had the upset with my cousin, I can't ditch them completely because my granny still organises big family events but I don't have to be any more than civil to them.

Give them something to moan about and ditch them.

I would keep these people out of your life as much as you can. Block them on Facebook and don't have any contact. They've decided to dislike you and whatever you do you'll be blamed.

I had a similar problem with a family friend when I was a young adult. The first time I found out I'd offended her, I rang to apologise though I didn't know what I'd said wrong. She refused to accept my apology, refused to tell me what I'd said wrong, refused to believe I didn't know or was sorry. After that I avoided her as much as I could but she continued to be deeply offended about the original offence, and there were a number of incidents where I caused offence to her again through something I'd said or done or not done. It was very awkward because my grandmother believed that if I had caused offence I must be to blame. Finally an incident happened where I could prove to my grandmother that the family friend was being - as we say on mumsnet! - unreasonable! Then she believed me. Eventually I moved house and didn't give the family friend my address and had nothing more to do with her - bliss.

Agree, go through the list with your mum, then tell her you've decided to ditch them, you'll be polite at family events but you won't seek out any contact and will not call, write, e-mail, facebook friend or in anyway have contact with them that's not at large family events.

(I might also prepare your mum that once your gran's died you don't see any reason to talk to them ever again)

Of course you can ditch them!

And you don't have to go to what Granny organises-unless you want to!

Ditch them. It's amazing how good things get when you cut out the crap from your life. Your family are your children and spouse.

Do I need to tell them that I don't want to be involved with them anymore?

Not really. Just stop bothering and don't explain yourself unless someone asks.

No you don't need to say anything. Make it gradual. I'm surprised your Mum isn't saying anything. Has she been bullied by them too in the past?

They sound like a load of drama queens who have nothing else to do. My ex's family were exactly the same. I cut them out of my life and don't miss all the back stabbing one little bit! It's still going on I hear, but I don't have to listen to it anymore! Just quietly fade yourself out of their lives and leave them to work out why!