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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to send the baby off with an instruction manual?

51 replies

Thurlow · 14/07/2013 10:22

Next week the 18mo is off to spend a few days with BIL and SIL. She knows them, but hasn't stayed over at theirs before (has stayed several days at my parents). B&SIL have spent time with DD at ours but aren't aware of her 'routine', and she is quite a routine-y toddler - big meltdowns if she's tired, hungry etc., the usual stuff.

Don't see or talk to B&SIL much (not because I don't like them or anything, they're lovely just one of those things that we only see each other when DD is involved) and will be at work when they collect DD so won't have an opportunity to talk to them beforehand. How weird, or pfb, would it be to send an email explaining roughly what DD likes - when she has bottles, what times she likes to nap etc, best way to make sure she goes to sleep at night and stays asleep? I don't really care if they feed her McDonalds and Wispas every day, but I know she'll have a terrible night if she doesn't have a bedtime bottle. Or would it be weirder to send her to a couple who don't have kids yet without any explanation of how to manage the ins and outs of a toddler's day?

Honestly can't decide which choice is odder. MN jury please.

OP posts:
softlysoftly · 14/07/2013 11:31

A week with people she doesn't know?

Send the routine it would be odder not to.

Indith · 14/07/2013 11:37

softly the OP says in the actual OP that her dd does know them, that they ahve spent time together it is just that she hasn't slept at their house before.

AnotherStitchInTime · 14/07/2013 11:49

YANBU

When my young niece was left with me I asked SIL what the routine was, because my dd1 was slightly older and I knew how important it would be.

Given that she is a teacher she will understand the importance of routine in avoiding deterioration in behaviour and meltdowns. I would send her with instructions giving the optimum suggested bottle and meal timings, favourite and disliked foods and also any comfort routines for bed time. Why not make her life easier?

NoComet · 14/07/2013 11:59

YANBU, I've been know to leave DH written instructions for his own DDs (10&13).

softlysoftly · 14/07/2013 12:12
maja00 · 14/07/2013 12:41

Definitely send some timings!

I am currently looking after my 11 month old nephew - I probably see him 2-3 times a week, he has stayed here before, I have my own DC AND I work in childcare, but I still got my sister to write down timings for bottles, naps and meals.

If a child has a routine then it isn't really something you can guess - all children are different and both child and adults will be so much happier if they have an idea of what is wanted when.

Original poster
Thurlow · 14/07/2013 13:19

I've been judged, love it

DD's a pretty easy-going baby really, she might have a wobble for a few moments when she realises neither mum or dad are there, but then she'll get chocolate and a cuddle and realise that aunty and uncle are great too.

Thanks for the reminder about teething powders and Calpol, I would have forgotten them as when DD stays over at my parents they have everything there.

OP posts:
ZingWidge · 14/07/2013 13:39

oops

*her date of birth.....
not his

enormouse · 14/07/2013 13:49

thurlow my DS cried and fussed when we left but came round quite quickly after being given some custard creams and a cuddle.

This thread has reminded me to ask DPs parents if they'd take him for a night when we go and see ed byrne live.

WilsonFrickett · 14/07/2013 13:54

I have a child but he's 7 now- I definitely would want some sort of list if I was looking after a toddler!

Shrugged · 14/07/2013 14:08

Gosh, of course send instructions. I don't quite understand the emphasis on 'keeping it light' and worrying about sounding too programmatic. It's as much for BILL and SIL's benefit as your child's!

Original poster
Thurlow · 14/07/2013 14:23

Shrugged, you know when you can't decide if you're being extreme and pfb?! But happily it seems not.

Enormouse, glad I reminded you!

OP posts:
thebody · 14/07/2013 14:29

god I think your bil and sil are g8 to be honest. I wouldn't have done this before kids but sure she will treated like a baby queen and have a fsntastic time or alternatively returned to you after one sleepless night. 😄😄

domesticslattern · 14/07/2013 14:38

Definitely send a note. But I have seen these stretch to three sides in the past! Shock Don't do that. Smile

Apileofballyhoo · 14/07/2013 14:50

Have looked after DNs a lot and much prefer an idea of routine/usual likes and dislikes. I think it's very odd if parents don't pass on this info!

ZingWidge · 14/07/2013 14:53

oh and the "manual" note must be attached to a survival kit of wine, choc and earplugs!Grin

milkymocha · 14/07/2013 14:59

I always send a manual with my children if my sister had them (rarely!) She likes to have it too as it gives her peace of mind !
I dont care if its PFB Smile

Original poster
Thurlow · 14/07/2013 15:05

I know, thebody - it's more their idea than ours, SIL is desperate to have her, she's been offering to pick her up even earlier! It is the first time though, who knows if they'll do it again Wink

OP posts:
SupermansBigRedPants · 14/07/2013 15:30

I've done this before with both dc and both gps ignored it Angry

dd couldn't drink blackcurrant juice or her insides fell out and she ended up with awful nappy rash - ignored and poor dds bum was bepanthened to within an inch of it's life.

Ds needs his clothes added/removed on a regular basis to keep his chest from playing up - ignored when ds went to the PILs for a few days earlier this year, he came home with a cold, cough, chest infection and nearly needing hospitalised Angry although according to PILs I am 'too over protective' Confused no I just don't want my toddler ill or in pain unable to breath.

''my 5 turned out alright'' oh the things I'd point out if I thought for a second she'd listen...

SupermansBigRedPants · 14/07/2013 15:32

Rant over . . . Yanbu, it sounds like your sil is excited to have dd and would be happy to have a wee set of 'key' instructions :)

thebody · 14/07/2013 15:35

I get they will all love it to be honest. you however will probably spend the whole time worrying or thinking shall I text/phone/email/ park outside with a false moustache and wig to listen for crying from either party!!

😄😄

RobotBananas · 14/07/2013 15:35

I think its fine too. I used to do the same with DS, but it was usually something like
7am - milk
8am - breakfast
10am - snack/milk
12:00 - lunch
1-3pm nap, then snack/milk
5pm - dinner

No weetabix, the nappies won't be plesant !

With empahisis that it wasn't set in stone and just to give them an idea of timings between meals/milk rather than set times

prettybird · 14/07/2013 15:57

Am I unusual in that letting ds stay overnight (or longer) with relatives never bothered me? Grin

Loved/love him dearly and was always delighted to see him again - but thoroughly enjoyed the time apart. Smile

Original poster
Thurlow · 14/07/2013 17:46

No, prettybird - I'm well aware that a lot of people wouldn't let DD go to SIL's like this when she not someone she sees regularly but ditto, we've always been happy for her to stay with other people. Plus in the long run, our families don't live on the doorstep so overnighters will be quite regular, and a HUGE help to us when we're working. I do think I'm/we're in the minority though...

OP posts:
RobotBananas · 14/07/2013 22:50

I bloody love it when DS goes off to stay with family for a couple of days Grin