To wish I had said something to the woman at the next table at a restaurant?

[GettingVerySleepy]

Tonight I was out having dinner with my husband and during a lull in our conversation I couldn't help overhearing an exchange at the next table that got my loos boiling.

They were an older woman, a younger man, a younger woman and a little girl (I'm guessing).. I think they were a brother and sister out with their mother the daughter of the sister. The young woman and her daughter seemed lovely as was the older woman but the brother was being an arse.

At one point the older woman had gotten up to take the little girl to the loo. At that point the brother started insulting the woman who was saying she wanted to go back to studying, and that's the part of their conversation I overheard. She was saying "I just want to use my brain again after 15 years" and he said "you won't be able to do it, you can't just o back to studying again after so long as your brain won't be able to cope" or something like that.

I wanted to turn around and tell her not to listen to him and to encourage her she could do it if she put her mind to it. I didn't say anything of course and just fumed silently. So of the woman in the Indian restaurant in the northwest tonight is reading this, don't listen to that jerk! You CAN do it and you'll be so glad you did!

FWIW I've never ever butted into a strangers conversation in my life but occasionally it's very tempting this was one of those occasions. Was being unreasonable not to say something at the time? Have you ever interrupted to defend someone and if so how did it go?

Loos = blood oops yes I did have a couple glasses of wine with dinner!

Maybe he was trying to help in his clumsy way. Maybe she couldn't cope with studying and everyone can see it except her. I wouldn't interfere based on a few sentences, u don't know the full picture.

YANBU to 'wish' you had said something, but rude if you had.
You don't know their circumstances, perhaps she told him to stfu? Or she's planning to ltb after she's done her studying and got a job.
Rude to 'overhear', rude to butt in. I'd have been mortified to be with you if you had, and to have been on the receiving end of it.

Of course YWNBU to have kept your nose out

You would have come across as totally weird imo

And maybe he's right

Maybe her brain won't be able to cope and he knows way more about her brain and her history than you do.

This is the trouble with overhearing snippets of stranger's conversations.

Not at all surprised to hear I shouldn't have butted in, posted more in case she happens to read this as I think he was just trying to put her down and insult her and she shouldn't let him get to her. I am surprised to hear that some think he might be right and perhaps she shouldn't even try. Surely everyone has the right to try to study and learn?

YABU
What a nosey busybody you are

Lol fuck off old. You're the busybody as you felt the need to insult me while I didn't say anything to that poor woman. So e people are just plain nasty and mean-hearted.

Of course he might be right

She could have any number of things going on in her life that make him right

Don't forget he knows her and you/we don't.

'if she happens to read this'

you are posting advice to someone you dont know, you never met, who may not even know what MN is, and even if she did, might not find the thread, and even then might not recognise the scenario.
nosey, busybody and bonkers

Sounds like a long lull in the conversation.

Ah, the good old contrary marys, where would AIBU be without them?

Yes, you would have looked a bit weird to butt in (as you correctly judged), but I don't blame you for feeling sad at the bloke pissing on her bonfire.

at OP telling people to fuck off. That's not nice is it? OldMac is kind of right - you were being a bit of a stickybeak don't you think? You simply cannot go reacting to snippets of conversation overheard - imagine if we all did that! It'd be bedlam out there!

Ha! When I overhear people's conversations I always mentally comment in my head... Would never ever say it though or post about it on here.

I also spend ages thinking of witty replies I should have said to people who have said something rude to me in rl and get all high and mighty about it

Feeling sad at the bloke pissing on her bonfire

Yes thanks BOF that's all it is really... But those of you being nasty by all means get your pent up aggressions out on me as I really don't care what you think about me and better to be unkind and insulting to me than on those around you!

dont worry, they are going to get some later

YANBU. Would have been wrong to butt into the conversation though. I was once stuck next to a couple in a restaurant and throughout the meal he insulted her. Fat, ugly, stupid, slag, bitch etc. She was sweet and slim and gorgeous looking and he was a weasley gobby horrible nasty little runt. But she sat there and took it with tears in her eyes. So I don't blame you - I always wished I'd said something to her in the loo later on. Still regret not doing that 15 years on.

I'm always wary of people who are keen to put others down, and damage their confidence and tell them what they're not capable of. From what you've said he only started on the sister when the mother was absent. hmmmmmmm.

I did something like this once on holiday.

I could overhear a "discussion" at the table behind me where the man was being a bit of a prat and giving his wife a hard time over something that wasn't her fault.

He was ranting and raving but not actually coming up with any solutions whilst his wife had made phone calls trying to sort it out. At one point I caught her eye and she apologised for her DH being so loud and I said it was ok and it was keeping me entertained. He then butted in and asked my if i thought that she was in the wrong so I told him I was absolutely on her side.

we are now very good friends and meet up here in the Uk and will be meeting up on holiday for the third year running soon. We still laugh about how we first met and he still tries to insist he was right.

I like your thinking. I'm going to put the familial boot in too when I'm done here. Well - it's something to do isn't it

Brilliant story, Downton

Downtown, I love it, what a great way to make a friend.

Catkins, what a sad story. That would absolutely haunt me but you're right, we can't interfere. And in the case of domestic abuse it's possible interfering could make it worse for the abuse sufferer. The conversation I overheard doesn't sound so bad in comparison.

I wonder why u think it was her brother and not her husband?

I know I would have found it very hard not to but in after a couple of glasses of wine. I often talk to strangers. (I don't often butt in conversations, bit it has been known).

I would probably have said "I'm two years into a degree as a mature student, and I love it, best thing I've done in years". (This is true) Then given them both a big smile.

I expect I would have come across as totally weird to the narrow minded but tbh I couldn't care less!

Flojo, I don't know - body language I suppose but it's just a guess.

Thanks, Three and good luck with your degree., I did a degree as a mature student too and am now in a career I love - I guess that's why I feel so strongly about it.