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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think DH (and most DH/DP's!) get more 'me' time than wives/girlfriends?

17 replies

wonderingifiam2013 · 12/07/2013 12:05

Disclaimer: I'm pregnant and emotional today (usually sane-ish) Grin

Do you feel your partner gets more freedom than you?

It seems to me that mine and my friends DH/DP's seem to go on more frequent nights out/stag do's away/sports/gym in the week/the odd pint after work etc, than we do

Now I'm not saying I don't want him to enjoy himself, I just feel all my 'me' time is at work

It's hard to get a girls night sorted as all my friends have kids and we usually have to book one 2-3 months in advance to get a date when everyone is free, and I do actually want to spend time my DH and DC at the weekend so would pick that over going to the gym etc (pointless at the moment being pregnant too!)

Every time DH says 'so and so is going out - do you mind if I go' I say I don't mind, and often days/nights out are disguised as 'work' - although it's mainly a very loose connection and includes his friends

I'm pinning all my hope on a friend having a hen do weekend in Spain in the next year or so (heaven!) so feel not nagging about his time at the moment will result in me being waved off by him and the DC, being told to have a great time in Spain (wishful thinking face) :) but I'll put money on him being invited on an abroad stag do before my friend gets engaged Envy

Thoughts anyone?

OP posts:
Original poster
wonderingifiam2013 · 12/07/2013 12:09

Just noticed a very similar post a bit further down on AIBU!

Glad I'm not the only one

Will be gone a little while whilst I read the advice on there :)

OP posts:
KatyTheCleaningLady · 12/07/2013 12:11

Why wait for someone to get married?

Go away for a weekend, just because you feel like it.

Rufus43 · 12/07/2013 12:12

I am very lucky, I get masses of me time and my husband gets next to none. It does change as the children get older

Pennyacrossthehall · 12/07/2013 12:12

It's hard to get a girls night sorted as all my friends have kids and we usually have to book one 2-3 months in advance to get a date when everyone is free, and I do actually want to spend time my DH and DC at the weekend so would pick that over going to the gym etc

You do know that these specific examples are your decisions, not his? If you want me time (gym, shopping, whatever) then you should be able to do it, but it does mean that there is less time to all be together because there are only so many hours in the day.

MonstersDontCry · 12/07/2013 12:15

I feel exactly the same op.

treas · 12/07/2013 12:15

Actually I have to disagree with this on a personal level as my dh looks after my dc first thing in the morning so I can swim at 7am to 9am and go to exercise classes 4 evenings a week.

Actually, I go out more often than he does thinking about it.

However, I do know of more men who will go out to the pub with their mates than women on a Sunday etc.

Trills · 12/07/2013 12:16

Rather than male DHs/DPs vs female DWs DPs, you mean "fathers" as opposed to "mothers", don't you?

BeenieBaby · 12/07/2013 12:19

Same boat here! But I've just signed up for gym classes and dh now has to mind the kids at least two evenings a week. Before that though I hardly ever went out without them. (Dd is only 8m though and was bf so it would have been hard to go out before now anyway)

peteypiranha · 12/07/2013 12:20

No I have 2 children, and go on hen nights, parties, exercise classes, pub, meals and can go and do what I want, practically whenever I feel like it.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 12/07/2013 12:49

No, I would say I get more me time than DH although he could have the same if he wanted. I do exercise classes, go out with my friends, I have a weekend away coming up and sometimes I disappear into the bath with a bunch of magazines and a glass of wine and am gone at least 2 hours......DH and DS know not to disturb me :)

Actually, most of the couples I know, the woman goes out more than the man or they are about equal.

DoJo · 12/07/2013 12:57

I think people generally get the amount of 'me' time they ask for - you say that you would choose to spend time with your family over going out to the gym or something else, so you seem to be contradicting yourself. I have nights out with friends because I book them and tell my husband that he can't book anything for the same night, and he does too. It can be hard to have time to yourself within the house, to read or watch a TV programme perhaps, unless you specific that you don't want to be disturbed and make yourself unavailable, but if you choose not to spend time out of the house and your husband does, surely that's up to you.

quoteunquote · 12/07/2013 12:57

really,

Why don't you just go out when you feel like it?

I do,

If you decide you want to go out, just do so, if someone in your life doesn't facilitate you going out, question why.

and make sure you correct their thinking on the matter.

noisytoys · 12/07/2013 13:01

DH used to go out far more than me when I was a SAHM and I rarely went out without DCs at all then one day I just snapped. A month after snapping I had a job, put DD2 into nursery even on one of my days off, go out regularly and am a far better person for it everyone needs some me time.

flipchart · 12/07/2013 13:07

I get a lot more down time than DH and I feel bad about it.

I'm off today and done everything to try and make things easy for him tonight

I really wish he would relax more and have more hobbies.

He is going out with some mates and I am so pleased.

He is a lovely bloke and his priorities are me and the boys, work and the house and eventually him.
(he is self employed and things have got difficult)

livinginwonderland · 12/07/2013 13:09

We don't have kids together but I have more downtime than DP. We live together and he works full-time but I only work part-time so I have four days off a week whereas he only gets two (plus two evenings when I work). He has his kids one day/week too.

I think it just depends on the relationship and the dynamics.

sarahandduck · 12/07/2013 13:12

I have way more "me" time than DH. We have two DD'S and I work part time as a cm. I go to 4 exercise classes per week, I run three times a week and Fridays are all mine between 9am and 3pm. I don't begrudge him anything he wants to do....he's got a couple of weekends away coming up, some nights out.....and he totally deserves them.

YoniBottsBumgina · 12/07/2013 13:16

It is a common situation, but it doesn't have to be the case. DP and I have equal leisure time because he considers me an equal and that we both have equal responsibility for childcare. I think it's easy to fall into a trap of feeling that the DC are mostly your responsibility and then all of your "free time" ends up involving them.

If your DH is a decent guy and sees you as an equal then he wouldn't object to you having equal leisure time. If he has a gym visit and night out once a week then why don't you look for something you would enjoy which covers roughly the same amount of time? If you both having his current amount of "time off" is cutting too much into family time, maybe you could alternate weeks for your personal gym visits or other hobbies? It isn't fair that one person feels that their leisure time cuts into the spare time too much when the other one gets more in general. Work out how much time you can spare, and then split it.

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