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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to attend my graduation ceremony?

41 replies

BusyLizzie99 · 12/07/2013 11:24

And to want to take my children along?

I graduate next year, hopefully with a first class degree from a very good University. I'm the first person ever in my family to go to Uni, I had an awful upbringing, was thrown out for good at 15, worked full time to put myself through college and achieve 4 A's in my A Levels. A few years later I enrolled on my degree course and am now working on my dissertation. I've worked REALLY hard to get here; both before beginning my degree and also because I didn't drive for the first year of my course so had long journeys on public transport with kids in tow to save on child care costs, had to work through the night so I could have the kids in the day time and I had my youngest last year so had to complete all assignments despite being pregnant/doing everything for baby and my other two children.

When I mentioned the graduation ceremony this years students are attending DP commented on how much gown hire is etc. I said flippantly 'not really worth going to mine next year is it?' And he said 'no, you know you've got it, makes no difference wearing a silly hat to receive it.' However, he completed a career related exam a few months ago which took only 2 weeks of preparation and minimal effort on his part and has passed. There's an awards ceremony which he can receive his pass certificate at, 30 miles away and he booked us a place immediately! Despite it being a hassle as kids can't attend etc.

AIBU to want to attend my graduation ceremony? AIBU if I take my eldest two children along? They helped a lot by accompanying me in my first year and I think they'd be proud too.

OP posts:
revealall · 12/07/2013 11:29

Of course you should. It's an achievement that should be an inspiration to your children.

DP is probably a bit jealous.

It's £40 for gown hire at my Uni. You've plenty of time to save. Don't giveit any more thought and book it when the time comes. If you're getting a first they read your name out so you need to be there!

Mumsyblouse · 12/07/2013 11:30

Of course you must go, and don't hesitate to point out to your DH the incongruity of him rushing to his! Do go, I go as a lecturer and it's such a lovely day, I love to see all the proud parents, extended families, children and so on. It's no biggie if you don't want to, but if you do, I think it's a great occasion.

QuintessentialOldDear · 12/07/2013 11:34

Of course you should go.
But find out if you really need to wear the gown.
When I graduated, I wore nice clothes, a nice skirt and tailored jacket suit. I only wore the gown to pose for my photograph after, and this was optional.

NotYoMomma · 12/07/2013 11:39

just book it!

tell him this and he is being a selfish pillock and you went to his certificate thing!

be more assertive, this is a huge achievement!

HairyGrotter · 12/07/2013 11:43

Go go go! I'm graduating on the 24th and the uni have asked us not to take children under 10...DD is 5, I was a lone parent and she is coming along, end of! I did my degree to better our lives and she is massive part of why I did it!

Rent the gown, dress up and bloody enjoy it, you've worked hard for it and imagine how proud your kids will be!

badguider · 12/07/2013 11:43

Yanbu to want to go but by your comment you basically told him you didn't want to go Confused
Why would you do that??
He was then only backing you up in what sounded like your decision that "it's not worth it"

For goodness sake! Be honest. Tell him it will mean a lot to you - don't expect him to be psychic when you say the opposite.

badguider · 12/07/2013 11:43

Oh. And we'll done btw :)

grabaspoon · 12/07/2013 11:46

Hairygrotter there is a reason why under 10's shouldn't come. why should you have the right to do as you wish when others will have followed instructions?

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 12/07/2013 11:48

I think he's just taken your flippant remark at face value - just tell him that actually, all that aside, you really would like to go after all! Did you maybe hope he'd say 'oh don't be daft, of course you must go?', to validate it? I do things like that all the time!

Just set him straight, and go, and celebrate your achievement! Smile

NatashaBee · 12/07/2013 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crinkle77 · 12/07/2013 11:48

YANBU for wanting to attend and your DP is being a bit U. Saying that the ceremony itself is pretty boring. My surname begins with A so I was one of the first up so by the time it got to the end I was so bored and fed up of clapping. I still would have wanted to go though. It's almost like the climax of what you have been working towards for the last few years and probably the last time you will be together with everyone off your course.

ConferencePear · 12/07/2013 11:48

YANBU.
I was so pleased with myself when I got my degree that I not only went to the ceremony I actually bought the gown. I had worked so hard I decided to give myself a useless treat even though I was broke.
Many years later, I'm still pleased I did that.

HairyGrotter · 12/07/2013 11:49

Because I paid over £9,000 for this degree and she will be in attendance, they have been told this. I have paid for her seat too, along with my mothers seat.

DoJo · 12/07/2013 11:52

OP - if he was responding to your comment then why are you so annoyed? I also don't really understand who is trying to stop you from taking your kids?

tabulahrasa · 12/07/2013 12:00

Hairygrotter - is it definitely children under 10 or unaccompanied children under 10? At mine it was that children under 10 needed another adult apart from you with them, because obviously if you're graduating you can't sit with them.

GirlWithTheDirtyShirt · 12/07/2013 12:04

YANBU to want to go but I'd reconsider taking young children - degree congregations are bloody boring.

Jacaqueen · 12/07/2013 12:06

You may not be able to take all your children. It is normally restricted to two tickets per graduate. You should definitely go.

Grumpywino · 12/07/2013 13:13

You must go, I went to my B.A ceremony, but sadly missed my MSc ceremony (this I completed working full time and is the one I am so proud of) and I deeply regret missing it. You worked hard, you deserve your day of glory. If you can take your children then do, but remember the day is all about you and how amazing you are!

Shrugged · 12/07/2013 14:08

Do go, OP. I'm an academic, and I very much admire undergraduates in my classes with young children and little support, and who still put in the work and commitment.

maja00 · 12/07/2013 14:14

YANBU - definitely go.

I am just completing an OU degree as well, had DS in the middle of it, worked too and it's taken me 6 (!) years. I'm definitely going to my graduation!

I wouldn't taken children though. My sister graduated last year and even at 23 she found the ceremony a bit long and boring Grin

loveinthemist · 12/07/2013 14:23

YANBU. I didn't go to mine as I was completely skint at the time. Back then I wasn't particularly bothered but I regret it now. Hope you manage to get to yours.

Wholetthedogin · 12/07/2013 16:03

My three year old was at my graduation, looked after by my mum.
I'm hoping that she will retain the memory/will have learnt something about the importance of education, no matter at what age and stage!

Roshbegosh · 12/07/2013 16:09

It is a bit much for little ones but if you think they can sit and cope with it all and not drown out speeches then fine. You will regret it if you don't go, it will be an overpriced event, especially any professional photography but it is one of those things where you have to put that to one side and just do it. You deserve the recognition and the photo. Do go.

atrcts · 23/07/2013 03:37

Please do go - I didn't go to mine and regret it now that I've lost my almost 2 decades career due to ill health Hmm

kickassangel · 23/07/2013 04:22

Go, and take the do. Let them see what you've achieved.