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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be dreading the school summer holidays? they make me feel lonely :(

61 replies

dirtyface · 11/07/2013 20:28

my dcs are 4 and 7

i always feel like everyone else will be having loads of fun days out and meet ups and generally hanging out with their friends and their friends dcs

we haven't really got anyone like that, and dh works FT so its just going to be the 3 of us most days (i work 1 - 2 days a week)

i always thought before i had kids that when i had them i would automatically meet loads of other mums and have this amazing social life, but it just has never happened for me

OP posts:
newryan · 12/07/2013 11:35

Agree, BackforGood, it's never occurred to me that peole might be staring at me because I'm on my own. Maybe they are.

OP you have 2 dcs - take them to the park, bring your book and ignore them. My dcs can fight like you wouldn't believe, but if I ignore them long enough they eventually start organising themselves into running races or something.

biryani · 12/07/2013 11:45

I find it difficult too, with an only dd and not being in an established clique. The one thing I recommend you do is get all the parents' details ( perhaps the pta could help?) and try to make as many plans as possible. Some will respond, many will not. I even went as far as to make up a spreadsheet detailing everyone's availability!

Hope you get it sorted. Good luck.

Mumsyblouse · 12/07/2013 11:47

I also agree people aren't staring on you on your own any more than you are staring at them observing their marital issues out in public

It is extremely common for one parent to do stuff with kids, the other is usually working or not around or there isn't one- think of all those weekend dads who have their children in the summer holidays, they are in the same boat.

Mrsrobertduvall · 12/07/2013 13:20

Your dcs must have friends at school, especially the older one....do you not have them for tea?

Original poster
dirtyface · 13/07/2013 10:32

mrsrobertduvall he does have friends at school. but we have never had any of them for tea. i don't even know any of his friends mums names let alone their phone numbers.

it just doesn't seem to be the kind of school where that kind of thing happens tbh, not to us anyway :(

he has never been invited round his friends either, but his teacher tells me he has lots of friends and is well liked so i am not concerned. the way i see it is as they get older they can arrange things themselves, i am not going to push it with unfriendly mums!

OP posts:
EliotNess · 13/07/2013 10:35

I find it hard how you CANT meet people with kids - are oyu looking like you want to hang out - do YOU suggest coffees? Do you suggest getting the kids together or doing a time share?

mrsjay · 13/07/2013 10:35

IT just feels like everybody has a huge group of pals that they do lovely things together all summer in reality it is 1 or 2 groups, most people just do their own thing over the summer take your kids out and about when mine were that age I never saw another parent all summer sometimes id take their friends out with us though, I quite liked it being just us

EliotNess · 13/07/2013 10:36

oh come on dirtyface - stop with the sad faces - get some oomph/

send out some invitations next week with your phone number on. ask the kids who they want to have to play and get it organised

intheshed · 13/07/2013 10:40

But have you ever invited any kids over for tea? It is a perfectly normal request you know, they won't think you're a stalker!

mrsjay · 13/07/2013 10:41

and nobody looks at anybody because they are on their own with children thats sily,

EliotNess · 13/07/2013 10:41

come on OP
grow some

Original poster
dirtyface · 13/07/2013 10:43

my Dc's finished yesterday

and i was working so my C/M did the pick up / drop off

so its a bit too late now :o perhaps next year eh.....

have decided to make more effort from this september when they go back. as my youngest starts ft then..., i will try and be a bit more pro active with her having friends round and stuff

it didn't help that when my eldest started 3 years ago i was new to the area and didn't know a soul. but now at least i am a regular "face" in the area iyswim

also they were invited to my next door neighbours DC birthday party yesterday - perhaps i could ask NDN if she fancies doing something in the holidays with the kids, she seems nice enough....

OP posts:
Guitargirl · 13/07/2013 10:44

I do go out quite a bit with other parents and their DC and also spend a lot of time on my own with my DCs out and about. I find it far less stressful being on my own with my own children and it certainly wouldn't occur to me to even notice, never mind actually stare at, another mum with her own children, not in a big group.

Do you have a local park which you can just hang out in? Our park seems to be a congregating point for all the children in DD's class. Take some picnic food with you and it will be like bees to a honeypot!

mrsjay · 13/07/2013 10:47

see there you go the NDN obviously likes you all get together with her your friends dont need to be school mums ,

LadyMilfordHaven · 13/07/2013 10:48

thats more like it!

intheshed · 13/07/2013 10:51

Yes absolutely get friendly with the neighbour! I invited our NDN over once when we were all stuck in with the snow, even though I hardly knew her... 2 years later the kids are still best friends.

fiestabelle · 13/07/2013 11:02

Most people are the same, I bet if you issued a few invites people would accept, im not socially confident but most times if i issue an invite its accepted or if not arranged for an alternative date, people LIKE tobe asked so just bite the bullet. Even having one thing bookedin a week lifts your mood a bit.

minouminou · 13/07/2013 11:09

They're not staring at you because you're freaky as on your own, they're probably wondering whether to strike up a convo!

minouminou · 13/07/2013 11:12

"....as YOU'RE on your own....."

JemimaMuddledUp · 13/07/2013 11:43

Personally I love the school holidays as I can enjoy time on my own with my DC. I live in an area where families tend to do a lot of big days out together and I avoid them if I can. I just don't like big groups and having to be sociable

So if you ever see me in a big group and I am staring at you on your own with your DC then please realise that I am staring at you with envy.

SoupDragon · 13/07/2013 11:51

OP, I too am cripplingly shy. When DS1 started school, I literally forced myself to talk to the other parents of his class because it was for my DSs benefit. It was horrible and painful but it set me up for all the years that followed (DS1 is now 14 and DD going into Y3 in Sept).

Your NDN seems like a good start :)

BeaWheesht · 13/07/2013 12:00

I'm amazed you think people look at you when you're on your own with the kids , I bet they don't.

I live a long way from where I grew up so no old friends and dd is too young for pkaydates whereas ds has friends over but not their mums..

It is hard sometimes but equally I enjoy time just the three of us and never think anyone's looking at us!

Be proactive - I had a few 'friends' on FB who have kids approx same age so I set up an event and invited them all to meet at the park , about 6/7 showed up and it was lovely.

SoupDragon · 13/07/2013 12:01

Yes, I bet you are imagining people looking at you - that's your shyness speaking IME.

mrsjay · 13/07/2013 12:08

that's your shyness speaking IME.

yes it is which is a shame,

I am not a social butterfly and tbh big days out with loads of others fills me with dread

VitoCorleone · 13/07/2013 12:31

Where abouts are you OP? Im the same in the holidays, DP works ft in shifts so im always alone.

Im in the Lake District