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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to say get over it! long one.

19 replies

DUMBSTUCK · 11/07/2013 17:43

Not sure, where to start and how honest I should be as I don't want to out myself!

So, I have a friend, we see each other pretty much everyday (unavoidable). Said friend used to be very overweight and has admitted to me that she has and has always had issues with her weight (very big chip on shoulder). She went on to lose about 5 stone. After she lost her first stone, I thought Id like to shift a bit of weight (not much to lose) and have done so.

Ive never had an issue with my weight, it goes up and down, I accepted that years ago! Ive always been super supportive, positive, ive been her shoulder to cry on when she has stayed the same at her weigh in, given tips/ideas, I bought her a gift when she got to goal. Ive always complimented her on new outfits etc etc.

So to the point. Ive really had enough of the jibes, little digs, negative comments, put downs and laughing at me when it comes to my weight/clothes etc. Ive put it down to that big chip on her shoulder and ignored it for several months. A few times Ive said that's not the sort of thing you say to a friend, she laughed and said I know im a nasty cow/rubbish friend.

She now points at overweight people and slates them, as if she is better than them for losing the weight. I pointed out she was once one of them and how would she feel if people judged her when she was overweight.

The comments I get are that she hopes I regain all the weight and she can be thin and smug! she once jumped for joy when I gained one week, makes fun of my clothes, makes jokes about the size of my bum (smaller than hers!!) how I cant steal her thunder, cant outshine her, the look of bitterness as someone says I look great and not to her. I now cant confide anything about myself that I feel negative about as she uses it to mock me...

so what to do.....I really don't want to lose her as a friend but this is brewing..

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 11/07/2013 17:45

Why don't you want to lose her?

She isn't a friend.

HeySoulSister · 11/07/2013 17:48

got any fat pics of her??

DUMBSTUCK · 11/07/2013 17:49

because other than this, she is a good friend, thoughyou have just said what my mum did!

OP posts:
3boys3dogshelp · 11/07/2013 17:52

She doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. If you really want to stay friends I think it's time you were honest with her about how she makes you feel, her behaviour is not ok.

lizzypuffs · 11/07/2013 17:53

If she was such a good friend then she wouldn't talk to you like this or make you feel so bad. Lose the weight as you want and definitely this friend!

wonderingsoul · 11/07/2013 17:54

i agree lose her as a friend

i can only imagin shes so scared ofputting the weight on, that she has caused this bad attitude to stop her self from going back to her bad routines with food.

like a protective wall, this is what she prob thinks of her self, but she voice her disgust with peolpe who are over weight so it doesnt get "weak"

that said. i wouldnt be her frined. she sounds horrid.

starfishmummy · 11/07/2013 17:56

I don't ever remember having discussions with my friends (very good ones) about our weights. We accept each other how we are and have more interesting things to talk about!

GoodTouchBadTouch · 11/07/2013 17:56

Ah you sound really sweet. I don't think you should act offended, she probably wants to make you feel shit to make herself feel better.

I think you should do it back to her, so if she says you have a big arse, tell her that hers is bigger. Or say "remember back when you were a heffa haha"

Maybe being the fatty for so long turned her into a nasty person

YouTheCat · 11/07/2013 17:56

Friends don't have to belittle each other to make themselves feel good.

She's a crap friend. Tell her you're sick of her attitude and cut her out of your life.

Pollydon · 11/07/2013 17:57

She is not your friend.

likesnowflakesinanocean · 11/07/2013 17:59

she isn't a friend. I had a friend who did this to me - my hairs so much straighter than yours, my clothes look better because I'm skinnier. why would anyone go out with you you've got really fat fingers. difference was we were 14, I cut her off and haven't seen her since. she sounds like she wants you to be the failure that she can laugh at, I so wouldn't be sticking around

MoonHare · 11/07/2013 18:00

She does not sound like a good friend - or any kind of friend - at all.

When you say other than this she is a good friend - what does she do that makes you feel that way?

SimplyRedHead · 11/07/2013 18:02

Best way to lose a lump of useless weight is to dump her!

brilliantwhite · 11/07/2013 18:25

ditch her , i had a friend who was only ever happy when things in my life were shit , she even said that , said it made her feel better, i ditched her years ago and feel so much better for it .

MammaTJ · 11/07/2013 18:30

She really does not sound like a good friend.

You haven't got a friend in her to lose. Get well rid.

mercury7 · 11/07/2013 18:36

I dont think she see's you as a friend Dumbstuck, rather you are someone she can easily score points off!

Tiredemma · 11/07/2013 18:37

she sounds like a shit 'friend'

Nanny0gg · 11/07/2013 18:49

There is no 'other than this'.

I would say the same to my daughter as I've said to you (that's why your mum and I agree!)
She is not a friend. She wants you to be the 'ugly' one, so she can shine.

Ditch her.

Lj8893 · 11/07/2013 19:43

I had a friend like that.

She was always alot bigger than me (and I'm not small!!) and she had that kind of bitter, jealous, personality.

We joined WW together and on our second week she has lost 7 lbs and I had lost 3. She told everyone how i had only lost 3lbs and she 7 and so therefore she was going to be so much slimmer than me etc etc.

I really struggled to say "yeah people with more weight to lose generally lose more at the beginning of a diet"

Among other things, always putting me down if I got more attention than her on a night out, telling me guys only liked me Cus of my boobs, telling everyone I was her "slutty friend" just because I had got a guys number or been on a date etc. (these were my single days)

I'm not very good friends with her anymore.

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