I have read many an entertaining wedding/baby shower thread on here, and had a good chuckle at people?s barefaced cheek, so imagine my horror when I find myself in one of these ridiculous situations.
I have a friend who I have known for ten years ? we used to be pretty close, lived together as students, went out a lot together, had fun, drowned our sorrows, did the usual things you do in your early 20s.
Over the years, she has been less and less bothered about contacting me. I was upset at first, I found it hurtful, but eventually I matured and accepted that people grow apart, our lives are not in the same place as they were ten years ago. It?s fine, we can still be friends, but we?re not as close as we once were.
She got engaged a few years ago, and I was really happy for her ? sent her a message to congratulate her, which she ignored. Went to her engagement party, where she barely spoke to us, but I thought that?s fine, there are loads of people there she has to entertain. I offered to make a dinner at my flat so a small group of us could celebrate and catch up properly, she said great idea? and then when the day came she had forgotten and left me in the lurch.
So, feeling hurt, I gradually came to accept that she had moved on and I should too. I predicted that I wouldn?t be invited to the wedding, but I was, albeit as a C-lister, having to turn up to the middle-of nowhere venue at 8pm for a three hour disco. I didn?t really have a problem with this, I know space and money are limited, I like weddings so didn?t mind going to the party bit, happy to celebrate for a friend, happy to see other friends etc. Normally I think tiered wedding guestlists are just a way of getting presents out of people you don?t really want at your wedding, but I let that go for this. Had a really good time even though it was at great expense, but hardly got to speak to her. Fair enough, she was busy being bride, so I didn?t really resent this.
That was well over a year ago, and since then she has made absolutely no attempt to get in touch ? not to say ?hi, how are you??, not to respond to my messages (which to be fair have thinned out since I have lost the will to bother), not to send a link to her wedding pictures or anything (she had a photobooth which everyone took part in but never heard about after), not to tell me she was pregnant? she has been the same with most other people in our group of friends, so I think it is more that she is self centred rather than having a problem with me.
But, it?s fine, I thought, just move on, we are people who know each other rather than close friends these days, it?s not a problem, life changes?
And then, as the arrival of her baby is imminent, she sends me a text to say she is having a baby shower at a restaurant (not even giving the date or location), let me know if I want to come. This is after no contact for a year and a bit. No ?how you doing?? or anything.
So, I felt a bit indignant and grumpy about this, and haven?t even replied. Am I being unreasonable and mean? Should I have cut her some slack for not having time to contact me and spend time with me during her romance/engagement/early marriage/ pregnancy? Or am I right to feel that it?s a bit cheeky to not bother with someone for several years and them expect them to want to turn up to an event designed to shower you with gifts? I don?t feel obliged to go, but I feel like I can?t even be bothered to rsvp, seeing that?s what she has done to me and others over time. I feel like I have only been invited to increase the present haul! Have I? I am adamant that I don?t want to be a doormat anymore, but I don?t want to be childish and passive aggressive either. I probably will never see her again after the baby is born anyway. Well not until the christening?