AIBU to say no

[AllDirections]

It's DD2's birthday next week, she'll be 13. She wanted some friends to come to her party and they'll (parents and kids) all need to stay over because they live a few hours away. We decided to make a weekend of it so people are coming Friday to Sunday/Monday.

Another friend who is local is really put out that I haven't invited her to DD2's party with her 6 year old. We're having an adults night out on the Friday and I'm having an open house kind of day on the Sunday to which I'd already invited her to but I want Sat evening to be about DD2. My friend's 6 year old is quite challenging as is my 6 year old so it would really spoil the party IMO. I've put strategies into place to keep my 6 year old calm but this wouldn't happen if there was other young children around. The friend is also put out about another friend of ours not being invited on the Sat evening but she'll be absolutely fine with it and will probably tell friend how unreasonable she's being.

So was I being unreasonable to say no when she asked if her and other friend were invited on the Sat evening? I'm feeling a bit bad about it but not enough to spoil DD2's party.

No, of course not. She's 13. She doesn't want a sleepover with a 6yo.

were not was

YANBU, it's your DD's day, and she's been invited to all the appropriate parts.

Not unreasonable. I think you're being bloody generous hosting an entire weekend.

No, YANBU, of course. The friend is being grabby and you did well to stick to your guns and say no. Why would a 12 year old want a 6 year old there? OK, your other DS who is 6 will be there (if I've read it right), but thats because she's the sister!

Actually, why don't you turn this around and ask grabby friend if she can have your 6 year old for a sleepover, which will mean everyone's happy?

Not unreasonable. Say as you are hosting so many, it's only those staying over coming to tho evening so you can focus on them.

Thanks everyone, I feel a lot better now. They wouldn't be sleeping over but they would be here till about 10pm if they came.

Snoopy that's a really good idea but it will never happen. My friend struggles with her own DD, there's no way she'd manage them both or even attempt to. BUT she's now saying that she'll arrange something at her house then. I don't know if that means for the parents with younger children or whether she's expecting the parents who are staying here to go too. If they do go then I'm sure they could take DD3. They're really good with her.

She is a lovely friend but there's just some boundary issues, like she'll probably invite her other friends over here on Sunday without checking with me first . She does a lot at her house for everyone (not sleeping over though) which is why I feel a little bit bad about it all.

Perfect solution:
Actually, why don't you turn this around and ask grabby friend if she can have your 6 year old for a sleepover, which will mean everyone's happy

Don't feel bad, the fact she does a lot at her house is her choice.

It's DD's party and she shouldn't have to have a 6 year old there.

YANBU - your/DDs party, your rules

YADNBU!