I'm sorry for a really long post but I need help!
I know that having a baby will change my life and I know that if I don't have one I will always regret it but the broodiness has yet to kick in.My DH and I are facing the prospect of trying to get pregnant before we feel ready due to a ticking fertility time bomb. Consultants are saying we risk running out of time if we don't do it asap and I'm really really trying to get into the right (i.e. broody) frame of mind.
I've always had a strong fear of pregnancy and so was sent to a psychiatrist. She was fab and helped convince me that I could get through it and that many long-held fears weren't even relevant given that I have to have a CS and can't breastfeed. Anyhoo...
The Psych identified that the real elephant in the room was my ILs. We used to have a great relationship but, as soon as my DH and I were engaged they started to control both the wedding and the rest of our life (even down to where we put certain furniture in our house!!). The build up to my wedding was horrific and I only enjoyed maybe a month of being engaged. I cried and cried the night before, I loved my DH but was crippled at the idea of becoming part of that family (love my BILs and SIL) and taking their name. On the day (despite family being briefed not to mention starting a family due to fertility probs) my MIL conversation on how I will give them GC asap was very audible during the wedding breakfast. Honestly the run up to the wedding could be a whole post on its own).
After getting married it took us about 5 months (and that psych appt) until we felt able to start trying. But what happens then, well the ILs of course. A lengthy rant about how they are concerned I am mentally ill (no exaggeration) as I don't text or email them, how I'm lovely and talkative in person but don't speak on the phone and how its unacceptable they don't have the relationship they have with my SIL. My DH was instructed to 'sort me out... quickly' as it was 'just not acceptable' to them. How i'm 'not normal' and my DH 'must fix it rapidly' or allow them to 'get me help'. Oh and did I mention, bemusement as to why I wouldn't write an one hundred word ESSAY on my activities at work! At no point did they consider that perhaps the reason I don't make small talk was that they had upset me (and DH) over the last year, no the automatic assumption was of course that i'm mentally ill!!
Considering a major reason I couldn't get into the baby-zone before was that I was dreading the control of my ILs, how can I get into the zone now!! If they are willing to dictate the way I behave and demand that my DH forces me to conform with their wishes, imagine how it will be when there is a baby! I can just about cope with it now (after lots of vomiting through stress) but can't bear to talk to them or be around them at the mo. My DH tries bless him but will only go so far to defend us to avoid causing a rift with them. Unfortunately only going so far isn't enough as giving any wiggle room means they'll bully him into submission. They are very upper-middle class and very traditional and have complete belief in their ways of doing EVERYTHING. The idea of giving them a reason to be more in my life, to try and influence how I bring up a child, criticise my inability to breastfeed etc etc is just horrifying. If they are so brazen in their attempts to control now imagine what i'll be like when I'm tired and vulnerable following a birth! The idea of them coming to the hospital is horrific and feels as bad as my old fear of childbirth did. What can I do?? My fear of pregnancy is still enough that this problem is enough to stop me from allowing myself to fall pregnant. I've tried to get DH to understand, he says he does but that he can only go so far so he can avoid upsetting MIL and won't have a baby until its sorted with ILs.
Help!!