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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just feel meh about school picnics to which parents are invited?

37 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/07/2013 15:26

DD is in reception. They've filled their pebble pot and it's time to reap the rewards. This time, it's a picnic at a nearby beauty spot and playing in the open air instead of school. Lovely.

But they've sent an invitation to "any parents who want to come are welcome"

I hate things like this....I like having picnics...I like playing with DD....but not with all the school mums and dads! I don't know them very well..am shy...don't WANT to sit on a field making smalltalk while the DC play and ignore us!

If I don't go Iwill feel mean. AIBU to think "it's the DC treat...let the teachers take them!"

Also the DC who have parents in work all day won't have theirs with them...that's not fair.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/07/2013 15:28

Yabu. Don't go if you don't want to but the school are right to invite parents.

Parent involvement is important, and schools are right to encourage this at a variety of different events.

PeriodMath · 11/07/2013 15:32

Don't go if it bothers you that much. It's nice for the school to involve parents (of the little ones anyway) occasionally and plenty will go along and enjoy it. Should everyone be denied the chance to join in just because you are shy? Make an excuse and forget about it.

SalaciousBCrumb · 11/07/2013 15:55

Presumably they have to have SOME parents there, or it won't happen at all?

I don't get this "I'm shy" business - these are other parents, not monsters. I'm not Little Miss Chatterbox by any means, but I'm perfectly capable of social interraction with other people, particularly when they are the parents of my children's friends. You might even find you make friends of your own.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 11/07/2013 16:01

Err...don't go then, other parents will go and enjoy it, each to their own.

quoteunquote · 11/07/2013 16:03

Everyone is shy, fear of rejection or unwanted attention is normal, but sometimes you have to make an effort.

the worst that can happen is you have a boring time, the best is you might meet someone fun, and you might have a good time,

you won't know until you try.

Mumsyblouse · 11/07/2013 16:07

You don't have to go, at a recent picnic on sports day about a 1/3 of the parents turned up, which I thought was quite a lot. Plus you don't have to feel silly sitting by yourself, I did for a while and then someone kindly took pity on me and asked me to join them. Or plop down next to someone you vaguely recognise or one of your children's friends, just say 'do you mind if I sit here?'

Or just don't go like most of the parents, many are at work anyway.

ProfYaffle · 11/07/2013 16:07

I know what you mean. I'm not particularly shy but I feel the strain of small talk at these kind of things.

When dd1 was in reception I felt I had to go to everything the school invited parents to, it came as a relief to realise I could cherry pick the bits I was actually interested in.

Floggingmolly · 11/07/2013 16:09

Well, I can understand the feeling, it's the school gate all over again isn't it? Except it'll go on for hours... Grin

Mumsyblouse · 11/07/2013 16:13

Yes, but if I don't see anyone I know, I don't mind at all, get busy preparing sandwiches or something, I go because I know that it does mean a lot to my littler child (older one not bothered) and I don't go to that many things because of work. I really think it's like attending the play, anything, you just go for the kids and if you sit next to someone nice, great, if you don't, you just pay attention to the children and look generally friendly.

And- if you never go to anything, you won't get chatting to anyone ever and will never have anyone to wave at!

YouTheCat · 11/07/2013 16:15

Either don't go or take a kindle/tablet and sit having a read.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 11/07/2013 16:18

See I think that is a nice thing to do.

So many things at school are stressful if you have younger siblings to consider. Can they come, if so will they be quiet, if not who do you leave them with if you are a SAHM who doesn't have family support or regular childcare.

Picnic, you can just turn up and get as involved (or not) as you like.

whois · 11/07/2013 16:18

Either don't go or take a kindle/tablet and sit having a read

Or try a bit of normal social interaction and chat to some people! You might even find you like a few.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 11/07/2013 16:45

I can't go and read a Kindle! Or a book. That's just silly and there'd be no point in going. As for the poster who "doesn't get shy" I hope to God none of your close relatives are shy...you'd be very supportive...not!

It's just....boring! I don't see the point. I DO go into school to help with crafts and things when the teacher needs help....but sitting in a park and watching the DC swing? Confused and then eat a sandwich with them... I have to do that all the frigging time!

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 11/07/2013 16:48

It is boring. Very.

I am also shy and find mixing with people with whom the only thing I have in common is a child the same age, to be absolutely tedious.

HeySoulSister · 11/07/2013 16:48

its not about you tho is it? its about the dc.....maybe use it as a chance to observe her playing with her friends,she may have friendships you are unaware of which you can encourage.

5madthings · 11/07/2013 16:52

I have TWO of these next week, along with 'sports week' yes a whole bloody week not just a day. And I will have to take the toddler and it means traipsing the hour round trip to school three times a day. Oh and one other day we are invited along for the whole day... Seriously I like being involved I do but it can be a bit much, asking with the fete, plays, music concerts, sharing assemblies etc etc ... Roll on the summer holidays!

curlew · 11/07/2013 16:54

Oh, for heavens sake- the other parents are just people like you- they aren't a special breed called "school mums and dads"! Or if they are, I've got news for you- you're "one of them" too!

I can't stand this "oh, I've got nothing in common with "school gate mums" " attitude!

pumpkinsweetie · 11/07/2013 16:54

I'm very shy too, but i like to see how my dc are getting on at school so put my shyness aside so that to be there for dc. Sometimes i strike conversation, sometimes i don't and just observe but i don't worry about it as not all the parents talk with one another anyway.
I would go, you might find you like it or of course you can stay at home, it's only an invite you don't have to attend if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

BornToFolk · 11/07/2013 17:05

Also the DC who have parents in work all day won't have theirs with them...that's not fair.

Um, working parents can take annual leave you know. I frequently do to attend things at DS's school. Hmm

LadyBryan · 11/07/2013 17:07

It isn't about you, it is about fostering relationships for your child.

And as for "it is boring", seriously, are you seven?

Man up, go, make small talk for the sake of your child.

I go to every event at school. Every one. I don't like them all, I don't like all the other parents but hell I go with a smile on my face and show willing!

manicinsomniac · 11/07/2013 17:12

^^
not always. I'm a teacher so can't take time off and, although I'm in the same school as my daughters so do see some stuff, I'm never there for this kind of thing. It doesn't matter, children don't expect you there for everything.

If you don't want to go don't go.

PeriodMath · 11/07/2013 17:25

Oh ffs OP, don't bloody go. You sound pathetic. It's not compulsory. You asked for opinions, got them, didn't like them. Stay at home doing something thrilling since picnics are sooooo, like, booooring.

WorraLiberty · 11/07/2013 17:31

YANBU to not go if you don't want to

But YABU to think schools shouldn't invite parents who do want to go/can manage to go

It's just a bit silly

YouTheCat · 11/07/2013 17:35

Oh ffs why does OP have to enjoy everything that other people do? How does that make someone pathetic?

She already said she goes into school and does plenty of other things with her child.

If your child isn't bothered, then don't go. If they are bothered then do go.

babybythesea · 11/07/2013 17:37

Schools can't win!
They are told that they need to try and involve parents, so they invite parents along to official things like parents evenings, and the school plays and concerts etc. And other things where you sit quietly and face the front so you can watch your kids do their two minute thing.
And then the chance comes up where you can sit around and have a bite to eat and a chat with people that you only otherwise see for 10 minutes at the school gate. And people promptly say "I don't want to do that, it's boring, why do I have to...." I like these events a whole lot better than the more official ones - I meet DD's friends so I know who she's talking about, and this last one I finally met the Dad of her new best buddy. Since meeting the Dad we've managed to organise getting the girls together during the holidays which wouldn't have happened otherwise.

If you really hate the idea, it's not obligatory. It's nice for those who can and who enjoy it.

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