to hope that my friend would actually be there for me

[babyhmummy01]

My friend has had a really rough year and I have been there for her through everything, have had her kids, bought her food when she was skint so the kids could eat etc. I don't mind, we have been friends since high school and I love her to bits.

She currently has s relationship issue that she has gone on and on about and I have listened, I have even had her boyfriend texting and ringing me when I was throwing up blood and in hospital and dealt with him to give her a break from him.

Fast forward to now and I have had a really shitty few weeks and got some news today that has thrown me completely and has left me in tears struggling to know what to do. I have tried to message her to ask.if I could pop round for a chat as needed some advice only to be told her ankle hurts so she doesn't want to see me.

Aibu to be upset? Am pregnant and hormonal so not sure if I am overreacting or if she is genuinely being thoughtless

Of course she's being thoughtless, on the face of it. She may not realise she's beholden to you though. Some people just don't seem to register when they're helped.

She's being thoughtless, is there anyone else you can turn to?

I don't want her to be beholden to me but it would be nice if she actually gave a toss.

Not anyone nearby just, this isn't the first time its happened, she has been like it a few weeks. I got a bit arsey with her and just got "what have I done" back. She clearly is clueless

I think a lot of people don't realise reciprocity is expected from friends you've given a lot of time to. If you've given, and given, and it's become a one-way street, she may not even realise you need her help/attention/support.

If you really care about her, don't push this right now, as you're upset and possibly will say something that can't be unsaid. She will need a calm, direct, conversation later.

In the mean time, is there someone you can call, maybe the Samaritans? Not that they are there for practical help, but if you want to just pour it all out they might be worth a call? Hope you get a handle on this bad news soon.

gnitting I have ignored the text and just left it cos on my hormonal state the chances of me saying something I will regret are very high! Thank you for the suggestion, I will look into it if I can't get my head around things.

This has let you know that unfortunately, as a friend, she only wants to take from you.

It's a horrible realisation, I know

This isn't to say that she shouldn't be there for you! Just re-read my comment and it sounds very like the onus is on you to deal with it all in a distressed state.

I hope that she realises how much you've been there for her, and how much she can help you, very soon and steps up to being a good friend, rather than a friend who just takes.

Haha I knew what you were getting at gnittingxx o have outrightly told her that I needed to talk and she was totally dismissive and then when I said forget it I clearly don't matter I.got the injured innocent act. Tbh I can't be arsed with the drama, will just ignore her til.she wants something

I got a bit arsey with her and just got "what have I done" back. She clearly is clueless

Either you didn't explain yourself clearly or she's a nobber.

You sound articulate, so I'm guessing she's the problem.

Taking on anyone's abusive boyfriend to 'give them a break' whilst throwing up etc is bordering on doormat land.

You don't need this drama or selfishness. Dump without a second thought.

Life is too short and precious to waste on people who don't appreciate and nurture us.

Oh bless you love, being pregnant, hormonal and upset it just the worst thing. Lots of hugs coming your way. It is a sad fact that some people are takers and take take take from us but when it is there turn to be the support or lend a hand they are not interested. Ive had a simular thing which is hurtful and you must be feeling it worse as your emotional. Have you got anyone else to talk to.

take care x

ima he's not abusive just seriously clingy. Better he.was.nagging at me.than.her at the.time.

oreo thank you xx

I have a friend like this & it's v hurtful, (although my friend has a drink problem which muddies the waters). Sounds like she is self obsessed, although does she know your current problem?

If not, you could be direct about it, say you're feeling low & could do with support from a friend right now.

If she doesn't respond appropriately to that, when it's spelt out don't bother making the effort for her in future....

Unfortunately, the older I get, the more I realise that there are very few people who truly appreciate and reciprocate friendship. I'm sorry you have been let down and hope you find some nicer friends because you sound too good for this one.

evelynj she knows I am suffering with anxiety and depression and always have. She doesn't know what has kicked off yesterday as she just dismissed me and I couldn't be bothered to respond to her after I got the injured innocent act, told het I wasn't ok but that clearly it didn't matter to her.

timidviper thank you huni. I have also come to the same realisation over the past few years and severed contact with a lot of people as a result of it always being one way ie me sorting out their dilemmas but them unable to spare me any time on the rare occasions I need them. I thought this friend was different but apparently I was wrong.

I do have some amazing friends but unfortunately they live miles away and needed a physical hug rather than metaphorical one iyswim. Will speak to ppl I know I can trust tonight.

Thanks folks for confirming I am bot just a pregnant hormonal wreck xxx