to be upset at comments about free school dinners?

[poopyisapig]

I was a parent helper on a school trip yesterday - along with a couple of other parents in Ds class, one of which is also one of the school secretaries.

For various reasons when we moved to this area (e.g dh being a mature student in his last year and me also studying and looking for work after relocating a long distance) ds was on free school meals for a year, from when he started in year 4 sept 2011, until last september. He was also home educated up until that point.

On the trip yesterday, one of the mothers made a comment that at first they had told their children to stay away from my ds, mainly as he was on FSM, I was a single mum (I am divorced from ds father, but I am now married to dh who is a great step dad, but am still 'miss ds surname' to the school) and ds had never been to school before they thought he would be 'trouble and best kept away from', and that they assumed that he had been home educated as there was some reason he couldn't go to school or that he wouldn't be up to the same level as the other children and would be a liability to the teacher (so not true!)

My mouth literally fell to the floor and then the one who is the secretary piped up 'but then of course we realised he was such a nice boy and so clever, that we had a re think'. Then another one agreed with her and said 'yes, especially in the light of the sats levels last year and this year, he's good for the other boys'.

I was shocked so not thinking, so I said that he was only on FSM as we were both studying and having to do quite full on work placements, and then one said that yes, they soon realised that, but that they had never met a child on FSM that wasn't from a problem family and seeing as I was a single mum they thought we were 'one of those families' (cue me explaining that I married dh a month after ds started at school. I am so pissed off that I justified myself to them).

I haven't really had much to do with these parents. I have met some really lovely people at the school, but the mothers that help out on the trips tend to be the cliquey ones - I was only chosen at the last min as one of their friends was ill and I had the day off - so I have never heard any of this before.

As far as I was concerned, ds is very popular and happy and doing well with lots of friends. I didn't know that at the beginning he was pegged as a horror child.

Now, I am fuming. Apart from the absolute bitchyness of the whole episode,

a) how did they know he was on FSM?

b) how did they know about his sats levels? They are written on the yearly reports, we got them on friday and I certainly haven't discussed them with anyone. They are very high (I am not stealth boasting) but I still wouldn't discuss them with the other parents.

It must be the secretary, what can I do?

X post.

What a nightmare for you. Difficult situation. Could you e mail the head directly if you're uncomfortable going through the office?

Does the head have an email address on the school website (if the school has a website of course)?

Could you get to school for pick up 5 mins early and see if you could "have a quick word"?

Or. Brazen it out. You've done nothing wrong. Phone up, say you want to make an appointment with the HM, and don't answer any other questions.

It's weird isn't it? If someone offered me a free lunch in the works canteen I'd be made up.

Yanbu. They are being cows though.

SATS levels are widely known within classes so I really can't see that others wouldn't know. Also, if other kids bring a cheque in & your son doesn't then they could guess he's on FSM. As i said, don't be certain that confidentiality has been breached.

I would be fuming,

Your marital status your sons previous education status sat results or eligibility for FSM is not gossip fodder.

I would be complaining to the HT the governers and copying in ofstead and the LA and I wouldn't give a shit who answered the phone

Even when the sats results were only put on the reports on the friday and this conversation took place on the monday morning?

Also, the school dinners are paid for via the catering companies website, the school don't deal with payments. They just know, I presume, who is on FSM as the council contact them to make sure the child is still on the school roll (when DH got his job and ds wasn't eligible for FSM anymore, we called the council who said they would be in touch with the school).

I have emailed the head asking for an appointment. I don't want to go in there all guns blazing, but I am sure that someone from the office spoke out about these two things.

Hmm redhelen, so would it be normal for a member of staff to discus excluding a child from friendships due to these things.

She was obviously involved in the conversation as she helpfully piped up with the sats results changing her mind

"and then one said that yes, they soon realised that, but that they had never met a child on FSM that wasn't from a problem family and seeing as I was a single mum they thought we were 'one of those families' "

Sorry it is not clear in my OP, but the secretary also said this.

Well tbh, I'd be questioning why they had said all this to you. The secretary must KNOW about confidentiality, so surely if she had blabbed to everyone she wouldn't bring it up to your face?

Sounds like some kind of set up to me. But I am a suspicious bastard.

Sorry, posted too soon. I meant to add that when you see the head, I'd stick entirely to facts.

So no accusing the secretary, but instead something like "x number of the mothers on DS's school trip knew about FSM. Given that not even DS knew this information, I would like the confidentiality leak to be identified so future confidentiality can be assured. This is very important, as you can see from the comments about not wanting to be friends with DS. This is not an isolated incident, as his SATs results were also common knowledge."

Well, they are a strange lot. One of the other mothers was hounded via the class email over not paying into a teachers leaving present fund, that got really vicious.

Maybe warn your DS to stay away from their kids only half joking!!