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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting attention

24 replies

DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:28

I just posted on mental health, I've never posted before. I need someone to talk to so badly.
I've just has the most devastating news of my life, my firstborn has been stealing from me, using drugs..
I feel crazy. Like I can't stand this life.
I don't want to sound over dramatic. I just have no one to talk to. I promised him not to say anything to his dad, siblings.
Please help.

OP posts:
larlemucker · 08/07/2013 20:30

So sorry. No advice but didn't want to read and run.
Here's a hand to hold and a (((hug)))

Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:33

Thank you so much..I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Keepsmilingsunshine · 08/07/2013 20:34

I'm sorry that you are going through this. No personal experience but would advice to contact a helpline/professionals to discuss your situation. Try somewhere like FRANK. Talk to someone in RL - this is not something you should go through alone.

gordyslovesheep · 08/07/2013 20:34

firstly by covering for him you may well be doing him no favours

secondly contact one of these famanon.org.uk/ www.talktofrank.com/worried-about-a-child www.drugscope.org.uk/resources/faqs/faqpages/where-can-i-get-help

Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:38

Gordy...I know. I just found out. I'm going crazy. I feel like I need to die. I'm useless...I'm sorry for being attention seeking. My world just fell apart.

OP posts:
Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:40

I never saw this!!!! I NEVER FIGURED IT OUT!!!!

OP posts:
scarletforya · 08/07/2013 20:41

Ok Flowers . Let us try to help...

What drugs and what age?

SunshineBossaNova · 08/07/2013 20:42

Distressed no advice, but another hand here.

You're not useless, and it's not unreasonable or silly to want some support for this. It's a big deal and you're obviously very upset.

Big hugs to you lovely xxx

HeffalumpTheFlump · 08/07/2013 20:43

Are you under any mental health services? If so get in contact with them to get some extra support.

I agree with the previous poster, covering for him is not the way to go and leaves you dealing with this alone. If he has been stealing from you to fund a drug habit he needs help, not people making excuses and hiding what's going on.

You must be devastated that he has betrayed you in this manner and that he is taking terrifying risks with his health. You need support in this time and that should come before his wish to avoid consequences.

Sending you all the best, I ho

gordyslovesheep · 08/07/2013 20:43

yes - what age and what drugs

HeffalumpTheFlump · 08/07/2013 20:43

Posted too soon.

I hope things get easier for you, hang in there.

scarletforya · 08/07/2013 20:46

We are here.

STOP blaming yourself OP.

Try to calm down. Brew

TheFallenNinja · 08/07/2013 20:49

Hang in there, don't let things fall apart.

So far nothing unfixable has happened so now it's work, work, work to help your son away from this.

Covering won't help, seek advice on how to help him AND yourself.

Take a moment and dig in.

Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:53

I feel like I need to just disappear. I know this is my fault,
I know it.
He's my first born. Lives at home has a a good job is 26. He broke up with gf a year ago. I have 3 other kids, youngest 18.
I've been away looking after my very ill mother, in another country.
We're considered the "perfect" family. I've always been emotionally unstable, used to be wild and unpredictable,
Married a very steady, "normal" man. Everything seemed so good. Kids super smart.
Me always weird. Husband always normal, strong, quiet, hard working.
My beloved son, whom I trusted.
I knew he got depressed after the breakup. I didn't want to pry too much when he slept so much and then went our and came back in the a early hours, he still went to work.
He's been smoking weed every day. Doing cocaine, is in debt with dealers.

OP posts:
Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 20:55

He says he will jump in front of a train if I tell his dad, I truly believe him. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Turniptwirl · 08/07/2013 21:04

You are not to blame.

Speak to a professional who will keep things confidential. If nothing else you need support for yourself.

He needs help too, and one of the support places entombed above will be able to advise on how to get this for him.

Does he want help to stop? If he doesn't then whatever you do is unlikely to work and will leave you feeling even worse than you do now.

Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 21:10

Thank you and yes he wants help. He told me everything today and said he feels like a burden being lifted.
He just doesn't know that he killed me.
Thank you for replying, everybody.
I guess I had it coming for being so fucking smug about my four successful kids. :/

OP posts:
MoveItMoveIt · 08/07/2013 21:15

Hi OP. I could have wrote this a couple of years ago about my brother, my mum went through hell, as you are.

He too turned to drugs after a messy break up, he had to hit rock bottom before he got better. He lost his job, was arrested, it was a very tough time for us all. He eventually visited the GP who diagnosed him with depression, hes been on antidepressants for two years now and is like a different person. That chapter of his life is well behind him now.

I hope everything goes ok, it will get better I promise Flowers

ThreeEyedRaven · 08/07/2013 21:15

Ok deep breath.

I have known v.similar happen to young ppl who have gone on to lead very successful, drug free lives. There is hope. This is not your fault.

He was very wrong to say he would jump in front of a train if you told his dad. Very manipulative.

You need real life support, please tell your husband.

You've had some links here to some great resources, please use them.

This.will.get.better

Xx

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2013 21:25

oh love. he is an adult. he is responsible for his own actions. does not mean you have failed.

be kind to youself today, and do chase up those resources as soon as you can.

Pigsmummy · 08/07/2013 21:26

This is fixable, try to be calm. Talk to your son and talk to Frank. If true (i.e. If he using just those two substances) then your son can turn this around without medical intervention, do get emotional support for him, do try to understand that the world isn't ending because of this. Think of this as a blip that, with help can be nipped in the bud.

You are not helping yourself or your son by behaving like the world is coming to an end

Original poster
DistressedMummy · 08/07/2013 22:43

Thank you for your replies. I have calmed down. I posted in a total state of shock, I never ever could've imagined anything like this.
I don't know where we've all been? Why we didn't see this?
I'm taking all your advice on board. It's true that he is manipulative....I can see that now.
He may be an adult, but he acts like a child and I guess I've done something very wrong in they way I've brought him up. He is spoilt, much more so than his siblings.
Thank you once again, you are all wonderful.

OP posts:
DoJo · 08/07/2013 23:47

Ok, it might not help much and I know that anything to do with drugs seems scary and dark, but honestly weed and cocaine are by far not the worst to be using. If he is ready to make changes (and it sounds like he is if he's told you) then it should be doable with support and love. I think you need to get some help yourself - for all you're doing yourself down in your descriptions of yourself, obviously your son feels able to talk to you and if that's because you understand what it's like to be out of control, then that's a positive for both of you.
If you can address the immediate problems with his dealer (whether that's loaning him the money to get out of trouble, contacting the police or whatever path you choose) then you can work the rest out with the help of professionals. It's not your fault, nor is it the end of the world, however it feels now. I know several people who have been in similar situations to your son and none of them have suffered long term because of it, so it's perfectly possible for him to turn this around and make a new start.

SunshineBossaNova · 09/07/2013 00:47

Distressed please don't blame yourself. Your DS is an adult and has made his own choices, this isn't your fault.

Big hugs xxx

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