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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DD getting kicked in the genitals IS bullying and to go into school and tell them!

20 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:14

I've posted before about DDs "best friend" who has over the last year in reception, hit, pushed, threatned and today kicked her in the genitals.

DD insists she likes the girl and she is her "best friend". Now DD has other friends so doesn't NEED this girl....but she likes her. I can only imagine that she's fun sometimes. Hmm

I have tried to explain to DD what a real friend behaves like...and to tell the teacher if this girl hits or tells DD not to play with other kids (she does that a lot) and DD wont because "then she won't be my friend"

I've had it up to here. We've been in and discussed it...teacher made sympathetic noises and promised to keep and eye on things...but was very much like us...thinking "oh they're little girls and they're learning how to socialise"

I am now going in after today's incident to tell them that imo this child is a bully and she is bullying DD and I want it to stop now. I want DD kept away from her. I KNOW that's hard...DC will play with who they like at playtime....but she's targetting my child imo and I wont have it.

I don't care that there is only 2 weeks left. I want something DONE!

Oh and DD says the girl asks to see her knickers too. Hmm she is also a threatening little girl...her Mother is a police officer and she says "My Mum will put you in prison."

OP posts:
CaptainSweatPants · 08/07/2013 17:17

Yanbu

Perhaps they could separate them in the next year?

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:18

There's only one year group per year. So that's not happening...

OP posts:
Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:20

What actually constitutes bullying? What's the definition?

OP posts:
piprabbit · 08/07/2013 17:24

The Beatbullying website has a good explanation of what bullying is.

LEMisdisappointed · 08/07/2013 17:26

Im not sure what constitutes bullying but i am pretty damned sure that a kick to the privates (which is incredibly painful for a little girl, it happened to me at school, although i was in secondary school), is pretty much top of the list - its not a one off either. Its an escalation - I would be booking a meeting with the head mistress and demanding this is sorted ASAP. I would want to know exactly what the school are going to do - "keeping an eye" on the situation is not good enough. Hold onto that anger, you sound very resolved and sensible. Don't let this continue.

phantomnamechanger · 08/07/2013 17:26

WOW - raise a stink at school and insist they are kept apart in lessons and kept an eye on at other times - not acceptable in any way shape or form.

Try to find out WHY your DD considers this to be her "friend" - fear of being arrested is not a good reason for being someones friend, poor love. Do your best to encourage other friendships - playdates etc

Mini derailment....I saw a very disturbing documentary the other night about violence among young teenage girls - ambulance staff and police saying they are more likely to be assaulted by 13-15 yr old girls, carrying knives et, than by anyone else. One girl had been badly stabbed by her best mate for looking at/chatting to a boy the girl fancied. They made up and laughed it all off - because they had known each other since they were 4 and were BFFs Hmm. Relationship may well have started off just as you describe.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:27

I think I need a sit down meeting with the teacher really...the only meetings we've had re this have been the type where you pop in and chat in the quiet corner of the classroom....I want to tell her that I need to know what's going to happen. This child needs sorting out somehow...I don't care how but my Dd shouldn't be putting up with this.

OP posts:
harryhausen · 08/07/2013 17:28

Psychological bullying is most definitely bullying. It should be taken seriously by the school.

My friends dd had this last year with her 'best friend' who is a grade A student and a school darling. The school sorted it eventually after it was flagged up. They took it quite seriously.

Were you issued with a writtenanti-bullying policy when you started school? A description should be in there.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:29

I know Phantom. I want it to end now. Should I tell DD she's simply not allowed to play with this girl? Or is that not going to work? as far as I can make out, the girl fancies herself as a queen bee and DD is a bit that way inclined herself....they seem to have joined up rather than be enemies but DD is getting the worst of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:30

I have just looked on the school site for that harryhausen but can't see it...

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 08/07/2013 17:31

Tbh some of what you posted sounds like 'normal' kids stuff.

Telling people her mum will put them in prison for instance - I wouldn't really say this is threatening in a nasty way. Neither would I say telling your dd not to play with anyone else.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:34

Pretty Kitty what about if it[s coupled with pushing, hitting and kicking on a regular basis to drive home the threats? Is that "normal"?

OP posts:
Dackyduddles · 08/07/2013 17:34

Personally I think ultimatums might back fire. If she's attracted to the girl this will make her seem cooler still.

You need to document this now. Put in diary what happens when etc. it's beyond a laff into weird territory. I think it's a good idea to see school to say you want this stopped now and a plan for next year.

With luck something happens over holidays and the situation stops naturally....(?)

LEMisdisappointed · 08/07/2013 17:38

It needs nipping in the bud now! i was bullied in primary school, by a single girl just like your DD was, some of the time we were friends, others she bullied me both physically and emotionally. This was damaging but more damaging than i might have realised. My mum tried to sort ot out but it never did get sorted as she went the wrong way about things and the school didnt really take it seriously. OF course by that time i had just accepted that you get bullied at school and disengaged. Then when i went to secondary school as a straight A student, very bright, bit of a teachers pet etc, i was bullied systematically throughout my school life - because i just thought i deserved it, it took me a long time to tell people and it just went on and on. In the end i just stopped going to school and as a consequence left with no qualifications. I went back to college as a mature student and went to university, but it was too late for me to do what i wanted to do (i wanted to be a vet when i was at school) and I now have serious self esteem issues, i am having counselling for this but still have to rely on anti depressants for anxiety.

Had the bullying in primary school been stamped out and i could have confidently seen tht this is not acceptable, i may have stood up for myself more in secondary school. Your DD needs to see some positive action now - the school need to act.

I would be inclined to keep my DD off school until there is a concrete plan written down as to how this will be tackled. Do not be tempted to see how things go and hope it will go away after the holidays (not suggesting you will) It will only get worse if this girl is allowed to continue.

LEMisdisappointed · 08/07/2013 17:40

Prettykitty - are you having a laugh? normal school child behaviour? REally??

PrettyKitty1986 · 08/07/2013 17:41

Pushing, hitting and kicking are not acceptable.

But if you want blatant honesty, I think you need to be careful what bits you include when speaking to the teachers.

Including 'normal' child behaviour along with the bad stuff is likely to get you marked down as a hysterical, overreacting parent.

LEMisdisappointed · 08/07/2013 17:47

Im sorry prettykitty but you are absolutely wrong! as i say, i was bullied throughout my school years, the punching and kicing and hitting don't hurt as much as the head fuck stuff! I do not think saying nasty things to each other is normal child behaviour and would be horrified if my DD did this, it is bullying, its just not physcial bullying and it is no less acceptable than physical bullying. In fact, can be more insidious and damaging.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 08/07/2013 17:50

Pretty it is all part of a general bullying behaviour on this child's part. The physical assaults, coupled with the threats mean that NONE of the behaviour should be left out and I am most certainly not hysterical. We've had to go in and speak to the teacher three times now! This will be the fourth.

OP posts:
yamsareyammy · 08/07/2013 17:56

I have discovered that there are different definitions of bullying.

But I personally dont care what label is put to some behaviour, if it is unpleasant, it is unpleasant.

You have already seen her teacher 3 times.
You now need to make an appointment to speak to the Head Teacher.
If you can, take someone else in with you as well.

piprabbit · 08/07/2013 18:01

If your child is being physically or emotionally hurt or upset, and it is happening repeatedly - then, yes, they are being bullied.

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