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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family Celebration & 8 Months Pregnant

33 replies

Booboo12 · 08/07/2013 12:21

Hello,

This is my first post on AIBU so please be gentle with me. I have a little predicament that I would welcome your opinions on. I feel terrible/ guilty about my decision and would like to know if I am out of order and if I should change my mind.

My DH's sister is having her youngest christened 3 weeks prior to my due date. We live 2 hours away from DH family and would probably have to stay overnight due to the timings of the celebrations. This is my 2nd pregnancy and thus far it has been as horrible as the first (hyperemesis & PGP throughout).

I am reluctant to travel due to this being so close to due date and given the medical issues stated above. As soon as we found out about the christening we did inform family that there was a fair chance we wouldn't be able to go. They acknowledged this but I know are disappointed and are still a bit angry about it.

I have considered sending DH on his own but my first labour was very quick and he probably wouldn't get back in time, plus I was not "with it" during labour so really appreciated having him there for support and to make the important decisions on my behalf.

So am I BU in not going or am I being selfish?

Many thanks

OP posts:
EndoplasmicReticulum · 08/07/2013 12:25

Could you go, with DH, and not stay over? Even if this means only attending the actual christening bit and not the party.

However, only you know how you feel, and if you are not up to it you are not. If your family don't like it, tough.

I wouldn't send husband without you for the reasons you say above.

Meglet · 08/07/2013 12:28

Actually, yanbu. At 37 weeks I wouldn't have been sitting in a car for longer than a few minutes at a time. I stopped work at 32 weeks in my second pregnancy as I couldn't bare sitting down to commute for 30 mins.

MortifiedAdams · 08/07/2013 12:30

Tbh a Christening is a missable event in my books but I can understand it not being to others.

At 37weeks, I would use the pregnancy as an excuse.not to go (when in fact I could), as I felt fit and well with dd (and am.planning a weeks holiday in the UK when I will be 36wks eith this pg).

Yanbu to not go, but I do think that if dh wants to go, he should, and should drive there and back same dat and only go to the service. Have someone on standby for the 6hours or so he is away.

BegoniaBampot · 08/07/2013 12:32

If you feel uncomfortable and have issues in your pregnancy then don't blame you for not wanting to go.

I went to an event 400 miles away with two weeks to go but I'd sailed through my pregnancy and felt great and didn't have a young child in tow.

mrspaddy · 08/07/2013 12:34

I wouldn't feel guilty.. I am over 7 months pregnant and have turned down two weddings over the next few weeks and only went to the church service of one two weeks ago. Now for sis - in - law I might be tempted to go but then I haven't been sick. If you are suffering, you don't need this.

Wibblypiglikesbananas · 08/07/2013 12:43

Don't go! Surely they knew you'd be about to give birth when they booked the christening - hence, why are they angry? Who gets angry at a pregnant woman who can't travel? Very odd.

YANBU in answer to the question - and good luck when the time comes.

MommyBird · 08/07/2013 12:47

Im 36 weeks pregnant, im uncomfy, in pain, hormonal and just a moaning mess all the time, and doing the food shopping is enough for me.
A long trip, staying over night and a party sounds like torture.
YANBU.

Ticklemonster2 · 08/07/2013 12:48

YANBU. I'm 7.5 months pregnant with similar pregnancy problems to you and I wouldn't go.
I must say, if you were my SIL I would totally understand you couldn't come. I certainly wouldn't be angry with you. Don't go, get some rest x

pianodoodle · 08/07/2013 12:50

My best friend didn't come to my wedding as it was a few weeks before her due date with her 2nd child. As it turned out he arrived early a few days after the wedding!

Anyway, I did not for one second feel slighted or put out, or make her feel bad for not coming, and I hate it when people do this.

My In-laws treat every occassion as important for some reason even lunch! They can't invite you anywhere without it "meaning so much" to them and if you can't make it they want the reason why not and then "can I pass you over to explain to X as they'll be sooo disappointed" Argh!

You have a perfectly good reason to want to stay put so don't worry and don't feel the need to justify it to them over and over. I'm sure you would have gone if you were up to it I just don't get why people can't be more understanding.

They've no business being angry about it they need to get over themselves.

YANBU

BlackeyedSusan · 08/07/2013 12:57

normally I would say go at 37 weeks, but there are too many reasons in your case not to.

that maybe I could if.. feeling is horrible. where there is a little doubt and others have managed it but not quite in the same but similar circumstances..

what does your midwife say?

trackies · 08/07/2013 13:03

OP, i didn't go to my cousins wedding when i was 20 weeks preg as i didn't quite have hyperemesis but was being sick 10 times a day. I had a DD aged 15 months and it was several hours journey and couldn't see how i could manage the journey and then looking after DD at a wedding. So we declined. They were fine about it. If you have both hyperemesis and PGP i think it's reasonable to say you can't do the christening but send a card and present apologising again.

PiHigh · 08/07/2013 13:07

Oh god, no, don't go. MIL wanted us to go down to celebrate her birthday but it was around my due date. She was really put out when she arranged it for a couple of weeks earlier and we still said we weren't coming. I had terrible spd (had crutches) and they were 4 hours away (sitting in the car was agony for anything more than about 5 minutes). We pointed out that I could go into labour and be classed as being at term yet MIL insisted "That won't happen" Hmm which was particularly interesting from someone who had both her dc before 36 weeks.

elliejjtiny · 08/07/2013 13:07

YANBU. My sister didn't come to DC2 or DC3's christening and I didn't mind.

LindyHemming · 08/07/2013 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 08/07/2013 13:14

YANBU and if I was your DH I'd be having words with my sister to tell her she was out of order to be angry.

IvanaCake · 08/07/2013 13:16

My dc were both born at 37 weeks so I definitely wouldn't be going! Your family are being unreasonable to expect you to.

Original poster
Booboo12 · 08/07/2013 13:35

Thanks for all your comments so far. I'm feeling much more positive about my decision to say thanks but unfortunately we will not be attending.

In answer to some questions, we did raise concerns over the proposed date but the majority of family can do the booked date so quite rightly they went with the majority.

I don't think DH would be happy with leaving me, just incase anything happens he would feel terrible about not being there especially as we're new to the area we live in and do not have any family on my side for support should anything happen while he was away.

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 08/07/2013 13:49

Im on another thread with a woman who has HG, and get travel much without heaving.

It wouldnt be very nice for you to be in a hot car for 2 hours, with a sick bowl just in case, sounds like hell.

formicadinosaur · 08/07/2013 13:57

If they had really wanted you there they would have rearranged/delayed it. They vould have waited a few months. No way I would travel at 37 weeks - v uncomfortable

formicadinosaur · 08/07/2013 13:58

DH has to be with you

LemonPeculiarJones · 08/07/2013 14:09

You have every right to stay at home. It's selfish of them to try to guilt trip you at all.

As if your physical discomfort and the possibility of you going into labour are nothing to them!

Stay home. Look after yourself.

Crinkle77 · 08/07/2013 14:40

I wouldn't go. I actually think it is very selfish of them to expect you to travel so far so late in your pregnancy

Scholes34 · 08/07/2013 14:51

If ever there was a time to be selfish, it's now. You need to think about yourself. I travelled 200 miles to a reunion ten days before my due date with DC2. I went with my bag in the car, my notes and a vague idea of where the maternity hospitals were located in relation to the M1. As it happened DC2 was eight days early and arrived on the Monday morning, less than 24 hours after setting off home and it was a very quick delivery. I was just a little freaked out by this and I'd had a very straightforward pregnancy.

badguider · 08/07/2013 14:56

yanbu about not wanting to go yourself.

but are you really keeping your dh less than 2hrs away from 37 weeks?

I am 32ish weeks with my first but dh wasn't planning on trying to keep really close to home till pretty much 40 weeks. when you say 'very quick' how quick WAS your first labour??? (Confused bit worried now)

BackforGood · 08/07/2013 14:59

I wouldn't go, because of being uncomfortable in the car, but I would try to persuade my dh to go. Fairly unusual for a baby to be born in under two hours from the first signs , and it's perfectly possible your lo won't arrive for about 5 weeks after that ~ always difficult to say.
Surely you must have a good friend or a relation who would come and stay with you for the day / weekend if that made you feel better ?

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