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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To believe this? - Is this just an old wives tale? 50's baby routine. My partner thinks I'm stupid to believe mums used to do this..

258 replies

NinaJade666 · 08/07/2013 11:28

So I've heard from lots of people that 'back in the day' (specifically the 50's) that new mums were advised to get baby into a strict routine, which involved parking babies in their pram at the end of the garden and bringing them in every 3 or 4 hours for a feed. Crying or not.

My partner says don't be an idiot and believe that, that's just an old wives tale. QUOTE - "They never would have done that. Put baby as far away as possible from mum? In the garden alone? They weren't stupid back then you know."

Anyone know if their parents or grandparents did this or were advised to?
Any links anyone can provide to 'prove' I'm right? Or wrong?

TIA

OP posts:
1944girl · 08/07/2013 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sittinginthesun · 08/07/2013 22:28

My grandma left my Dad (her second child) in his pram at the bottom of the Home Field on their farm. When she went to feed him a couple of hours later, the pram was empty.

She found him 10 mins later fast asleep under a cabbage.

Damash12 · 08/07/2013 22:34

My Ds is 5 months and I put him outside at nap time and he's asleep in minutes. I'd never leave him to cry though!

1944girl · 08/07/2013 22:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tallulah · 08/07/2013 22:43

OP it is the Truby King method you are describing, which is how I was brought up Sad. Google Truby King - he was a child care guru of the 1930s.

I was born in the early 1960s and I don't believe it was still the general fashion to leave your baby to cry but my dad and my grandma were both much stronger willed than my mum and persuaded her that was the right thing to do.

I was put either at the bottom of the garden, or shut in the bedroom, so that they couldn't hear me cry. Mum has said she hated hearing me cry for hours Shock but was only "allowed" to feed me every 4 hours. I was born at home because she refused to go into hospital, so none of this seems to mesh.

As someone earlier asked, I have had ishoos over food and MH concerns pretty much all my adult life, so I would not recommend it as a way to bring up a well balanced person. Interestingly I hate being outdoors and choose to avoid it when I can. I particularly hate eating outdoors.

My babies were born in the 1980s in September and February and I had to fight my mum not to "pop them outside". She wasn't impressed that I picked them up when they cried and fed on demand.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 08/07/2013 22:44

Ooh! Great link! Apparently, I have the Kensington in navy! £950! Mine was £15 at a boot sale with toddler seat included! Grin

Shesparkles · 08/07/2013 23:54

My British Racing Green Kensington was £350 brand new 16 years ago!! I

BrittaPie · 09/07/2013 00:12

I still vaguely remember my now 20 year old sister being left out in her pram, outside shops too. This would have been the 90s.

I put my two out in the back yard in their (old fashioned creaky 80s) prams, and briefly when I was made to do cry it out, DD1 would be out there crying :-(

I put them out when I started standing up for them and responding too though. Does them good to get fresh air, and as soon as they could sit up they were allowed to crawl and shuffle about in the back yard. I agree it is very different to the old style though.

Saying that, my nana is proper old school - she was a nanny in the 1940s and 50s - and she has a strict routine but she always has done. Same thing for tea on each night every week, exact timings for everything, and we quite happily slotted in to it all. I'm very much a free and easy chaotic mum but I can see the benefits of a routine too, as long as you are able to be responsive to your baby. I think in the olden days they couldn't - my nana tells me about how they bound her breasts to stop the milk when my mum was three days old. My nana had no say in it and it was apparently agony :-( So I think there was definitely a culture where the mum found it hard to speak up for her babies.

FeegleFion · 09/07/2013 00:27

I pop DS 7 months in the pram and sit him outside when's he's tired during the day.

The fresh air knocks him out.

lessonsintightropes · 09/07/2013 00:43

Erm if it helps my DM in the late 60s/early 70s did this with all of us (parked us at the end of a 120' garden to scream our lungs out, get some fresh air and then nap). Not an old wives table AFAIK. We were all on a 3 hour schedule and seemed to work for her.

differentnameforthis · 09/07/2013 04:13

MIL did this to dh, although not at the bottom of the garden.

MumnGran · 09/07/2013 05:44

Tallulah ....that is really interesting. I also dislike the outdoors! one has to wonder .........!!

Still, my (not so D) M was responsible for most of my hangups, so she may as well own that one too.

exoticfruits · 09/07/2013 07:01

People were the same then as now, they read things(or didn't read them) and took out the bits they wanted, that suited them. You can read about the general trends of the time but you have to realise that not everyone was blindly following them. I remember my brother being outside in his pram sleeping but he was in a very private garden and near the house in a lovely summer- much better to have fresh air than sleep inside. He wasn't left to scream. I can't think many were left to cry- the neighbours would have complained.

Almostfifty · 09/07/2013 07:28

All four of mine slept outside during the day.

If it rained, I'd bring them into the porch and leave the front door open. I can't understand why anyone would think it was wrong to give their child fresh air.

We used to live in a house without a garden. My sons had non stop throat and ear infections. We moved to a house with a garden, where they could play out safely. The infections stopped immediately. You may think it coincidence, I prefer to think it was because we were outside as much as we could be.

exoticfruits · 09/07/2013 07:30

I am all for being outdoors all weathers and think forest schools a great idea.

SecretSix · 09/07/2013 07:32

My sister (born early 60s) cried if she couldn't see someone and mum was advised to put her in the pram in the garden and let her cry. Far from complaining, the neighbour (and like a second grandma to us) would stick her head through the back door and shout 'just taking the baby for a walk'. She would walk, sister would be happy and mum got some rest. Mum really was at her wits end apparently.

Definitely the advice for the time!

ShotgunNotDoingThePans · 09/07/2013 07:51

That reminds me - my DM was born in 1943 and it was a common thing for girls to knock on a neighbour's door and ask to 'mind' the baby.
Said baby would then be perambulated around the streets by a gang of tweenies for God knows how long.
Got them out from the mothers' hair.

I can also remember having an operation, aged four, and staying in by myself. I was a timid thing, and remember being lonely and baffled, and terrified of wetting the bed.

I also remember my sister who was five not being allowed on the ward. I waved goodbye to her from the top of a flight of stairs, so she wasn't even allowed to sit within earshot.

Had another op aged eleven, again stayed on my own, and that wasn't too bad as I was older, but I remember the girl in the bed next to me crying most of the night after she'd had her tonsils out. She was six I think.

DowntonTrout · 09/07/2013 07:52

I put all three of my babies outside in their prams to nap- didn't leave them to cry though- just for fresh air.

I think what you all have to remember is people listen to current advice at the time. There will be things you are doing now with your baby that in 20 years time will be considered the wrong thing.

I had big gaps between my three, one in each of 80s, 90s and early 2000s. I have been told to lay them on their front, their sides, their backs. My DD is now asking for advice with her newborn. It is quite a minefield as I can tell her what I would have done but always ask what her midwife/HV says.

LottieJenkins · 09/07/2013 07:56

My garden wasn't huge but I used to put Wilf out there in his pram seventeen years ago when he was born. My Mum did it with all four of her grandchildren!

LottieJenkins · 09/07/2013 08:01

My Mum bought one these Second hand in 1961 when my eldest sister was born. We refuse to let her sell it now! She has used it for 3 children, 4 grandchildren and many children that my middle sister Nannied for! Grin

LongDeadMotherofHorrors · 09/07/2013 08:05

It's the way it was done in the 60s and 70s widely. Even in the 1990s - I have friends who left their babes to cry and fed on a 4 hour routine.

sosooootired · 09/07/2013 08:11

yes of course - i'm 40 and i remember all the babies born into my family during the 70s and 80s being put out in the garden to sleep in those huge silver cross prams, whilst long rows of terry nappies blew in the breeze. Or sat out in a playpen

I don't remember any ignored crying..but it is worth remembering that no-one was sat indoors watching daytime TV or using internet either

prams were also parked outside shops with babies either asleep or being entertained by passersby

YoniBottsBumgina · 09/07/2013 08:14

I love the neighbour sticking her head around and announcing whe is taking the baby for a walk :o Could you imagine if someone tried that today?

northernlurker · 09/07/2013 08:21

My aunt was born in 1945. Grandma says the babies were taken to the nursery and returned to mum for feeds. One day they gave her a baby and she said 'this isn't mine'. They were very unpleasant to her but she insisted and eventually got the right baby back. She had her next baby at home after that experience of hospital 'care'

ladymariner · 09/07/2013 08:21

Always put ds outside in his pram at nap times, used to peg dusters on the line and he used to watch them flapping, liked the colours I think, never left him to cry though. I had a beautiful big silver cross pram and he used to look so snug in it. The fresh air was so good for him. Why wouldn't you put them outside if possible? X