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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

to think this was cruel and completely unnecessary?

21 replies

Whojamaflip · 08/07/2013 06:24

Dd competed yesterday and did really poorly - off day, missed some of her moves etc. She knew herself that she hadn't made medals and was fine with that.

At the medal ceremony, all the places were given their medals and as individual places as well as overall places were medalled to third it meant that all but 2 of the girls got something (out of 12)

dd didn't get anything which is what we expected BUT the commentator asked for the girls who didn't get anything to stand up in front of everyone. He then said that without them there would be no competition.

dd and the other little girls were then left standing looking lost. Both looked gutted

aibu to think it was completely unnecessary to point out publicly that they had missed out on medals. As dd said she thought they were going to be given something when she was asked to stand up.

I'm not saying that dd should have been given something if she hadn't earned it - I just fail to see what good it does to humiliate 2 little girls in front of everyone.

or am I over reacting?

OP posts:

chestnut100 · 08/07/2013 06:41

It doesn't sound to me if the intention was to humiliate them at all, rather to acknowledge their participation?

It's a tough lesson, but if she's going to compete, she won't always win and take something home. Her feelings would have been hurt whatever happened

Tee2072 · 08/07/2013 06:42

I do not get the point of them doing that, that's for sure. Seems mean to me.

MammaTJ · 08/07/2013 06:49

I think maybe the intention was to acknowledge them but the result was to humiliate them. Not deliberately mean but mean nonetheless. Can you have a word with the organisers to prevent it happening again?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 08/07/2013 06:50

It sounds like it was intended to say to them and everyone that their contribution was still valued, not to humiliate them.

Perhaps have a word with the organiser and let them know that although it wasn't the intention, that the children felt humiliated and why?

I think that the effect was cruel but the intention was not.

Twattybollocks · 08/07/2013 06:59

I don't think it was done to be cruel. It's almost always done in horse showing, the rosettes are presented and the unplaced competitors leave the ring before the lap of honour, and the commentator thanks thanks them for taking part and they get a round of applause.
Personally I think it's important to acknowledge taking part and that while winning is good, just being there at a level good enough to compete is an achievement in itself.

Tee2072 · 08/07/2013 08:25

Now that I read it again, not half asleep, I have to agree with the others.

They thought they were giving the children recognition.

I would have a word and explain at their age, it was a bit humiliating.

Original poster

Whojamaflip · 08/07/2013 08:42

Thanks for the replies - I can see the intention was good and makes sense but until they were asked to stand up, dd hadn't actually realised that there was only her and another girl who had got nothing She was very good and held it together until she was with her coach, then just dissolved.

I just found it hard to watch 2 little girls standing there in front of everyone and suddenly realising what had happened.

Its a harsh lesson when you are only 7.

OP posts:

JessicaBeatriceFletcher · 08/07/2013 08:44

This is probably something they always do. If there were 20 entrants, and there were 8 girls up there, it would probably not be noticed or have the effect it has. It has had the effect because, in effect, it "singled out" just two girls.

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 08:48

I think like the PPs that they were mentioning their hard work and dedication of course the girls were gutted they didnt get good marks, I suppose if they are competing in things you need to get used to it

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 08:49

Its a harsh lesson when you are only 7.

yes I suppose it is but it is a serious competion (sp) so they need to learn to lose sometimes

Original poster

Whojamaflip · 08/07/2013 08:51

I do think it would be better if they had everyone stand up as a group to be congratulated on their participation and for making the competition - then if there are only a couple who haven't won anything they don't feel singled out.

I also think dd ( and me) needs to grow a thicker skin

OP posts:

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 08:53

maybe because it was just a few girls it looked bad iyswim. is your dd ok now not to upset ?

Original poster

Whojamaflip · 08/07/2013 08:55

I agree completely that they need to learn to lose - dd was well aware that she had not performed well and so would not be in the medals - it was the fact it was pointed out so publicly that upset her.

She is going back to training tonight determined to sort out what went wrong

OP posts:

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 08:57

shame she felt like that turn it around and say they were congratulating them for all the hard work, does she enjoy her thing ? thats all that matter I know its a bit of a cliche to say that but enjoying first winning second maybe help her to lose a bit better

theodorakisses · 08/07/2013 09:00

Maybe you could give her a well done prize? It does sound a bit harsh even though well intended. Easy to say we need to develop a thicker skin after being hurt, hope she isn't put off.

pianodoodle · 08/07/2013 09:00

At some music festival I've entered pupils into they ask everyone onto stage to take a bow after medals have been given out. They do this more with the younger ones.

Sounds like the same idea here although maybe it wasn't done/worded in the best way.

Original poster

Whojamaflip · 08/07/2013 09:01

She loves it .

I was really proud of her afterwards when we were talking about it cos she was able to say what had gone wrong and where she could improve for next time. She also said how pleased she was for the other members of her club who all did really well - and tbh I think she properly meant it

Her confidence has taken a knock but that's OK - lesson learnt.

OP posts:

mrsjay · 08/07/2013 09:03

she sounds lovely who good luck for next time

NoComet · 08/07/2013 09:05

DD2 would have absolutely have hated that.

Ok, just if it's 50/50 medalist and non medalists, but not just a few.

crashdoll · 08/07/2013 11:30

YANBU. It sounds like they set out with good intentions but it didn't translate very well.

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/07/2013 17:43

As others have said it sounds like it was well intentioned.

Perhaps 7 is a bit young to understand that though, it's still quite little really isn't it. It would be more effective with high school age children.

Flip