To be a bit peeved that a 'lads' holidays comes first?

[kittykarate]

For the past 4 months DH and I have been talking about going skiing in Austria next February. Admittedly we haven't booked anything yet, but I've 'pencilled' in dates that are possible based around my team's schedule, avoiding half term dates in Germany/Austria (resorts get busy), and the UK half term (flight prices crazy, and difficult to put the cats in the cattery). The best date is w/c 8 Feb, which is £400 per person cheaper than a 'peak' week.

Last night DH gets a call from a mate about a lads weekend holiday he is planning to Portugal, to go watch football sometime in February (no re0al reason why they are going to the football they don't support the team. So I say, ok, not a problem as long as it doesn't get in the way of our holiday. Of course is not actually 'sometime' in February, but the same weekend that he knew would be best for going skiing (probably for the same reasons). He's already started pouting as I am not happy that we'll not only have to pay for his lads weekend £300 + spends but also pay peak prices to go skiing, and have asked if they can go on a different weekend. They are apparently getting a bargain on the apartment and travel, so it cannot be rescheduled, and the rest of the lads have kids and so don't want to be away during half term week.

If he knows this about the date, then I think he being a bit U.

Well unfortunately, looks like he's got to pick - one or the other.

yes I think you are BU tbh. you haven't booked your holiday. you just pencilled in dates that you thought would be best (I note you said according to your team - is that your work team? and also no mention of whether you asked dh if it worked for him according to his work.)

the lads' holiday is to fit in with lots more than just two people and you and he can book your skiing holiday for another week. there are more weeks in the year that wont be peak rates.

I also see that DH was planning this lads holiday and it wasn't just sprung on him last night so you had obviously already planned for the expense of that aswell as your skiing holiday.

I think it sounds frustrating but it seems to be a choice of one or the other and the lad holiday seems to have progressed more so will take precedence.

Could you go skiing with friends on a different type of holiday with someone else while he's away.

Annoying.
Go with someone else.

I had never heard of men going on lads holidays until I came on Mnet.
I dunno OP, do girls have girl only holidays? maybe you should organise one for half term and leave the dc with him.
it seems sort of bizarre to me, but I hear that its quite normal for dhs of women on here.

So his mates are arranging the holiday round their family time, but that doesn't work for your family?

If your family week can be rearranged and you can afford any extra expense (and there is also enough for you to spend the same as he intends just for you!) then go with that.

However I'd say family holidays that you all benefit from should come before holidays that only one of you benefits from.

Sometimes one has to miss out on something because of date clashes. Your husband should understand that rather than pout at you as if it's your fault the dates don't work for your family.

Imnot - the lads holiday is being arranged by a friend of DH, not Dh himself. Previous lads holidays have been in Oct/Nov so February was a surprise to me.

The reason my work team's schedule is more complex and gets more attention is out of 8 only a maximum of 3 can be off at once, though my manager tries to keep it to 2 where possible. 3 of the team are in france 3 in Germany, 2 in UK. DH works freelance, so is theoretically simpler to organize vacation.

Cross country skiing is generally at a lower altitude, so has a shorter season than downhill, limiting the choice of weeks unless you go to Norway/Finland (difficult flights/transfers).

" the lads holiday is being arranged by a friend of DH, not Dh himself."

my point was, you knew it was being planned so you had accepted you would be paying for that aswell as your skiing holiday.

also- if the lads are going at that time because they are getting a bargain then you should accept that if they rebooked for another time then the lads' holiday will cost more and as you have mentioned the cost of his lads' holiday as a factor in your annoyance then I would think the bargain holiday would be more appealing for you?

the point about your work team is just the same as the lads having to work round their childcare commitments. so it's six of one/half a dozen of the other on that point. you have to fit it in with your work team- they have to fit it in with their families, but there are more of them to work around so a date that suits them all will be harder to find.

I can't quantify the bargain gained by the lads as I have had no involvement in the planning, so its hard to take that into account. It seems that the bargain is not the that they'll be spending less,but staying somewhere nicer for the same money based on the answering machine message that was left. I didn't know there was a lads holiday on the cards, the have gone away twice in six years, so it isn't a regular social fixture that I knew I had to schedule around.

I don't blame his mates for picking that weekend, as they have their own stuff to work around. My problem is that this plan has clearly been in progress to a while and DH hasn't even thought about checking dates. I think he was surprised when I showed him the difference in the prices between the weeks - I wonder if he only thought it was only going to be 50 quid or so and not really matter?

Anyway, my peeve is subsiding, its up to him to choose and there's nowt I can do about it now.

Ok so dh didnt tell you he wa planning the lads holiday? I'd be more pissed off about that really! Why didnt he tell you?

We know couples who do this lads/girls holiday crap.

I always want to say errr grow up really. Isn't that what you do before you are a couple.

I would rather rip my arm off than go away with a load of my girlfriends dear as they are to me but a night down the pub is great.

Not a clue why he didn't tell me, I haven't stopped him going away before, he's been away in the UK with a different group of mates twice in the past year. So I can only think its been kept quiet as he knows he's cocked up and wanted to present it as fait accompli.

In that case i'd tell him he'd have to choose. He didn't check with you about him going away so its fair that you dont check with him if that date in feb suits him.