to think it's wrong to leave a baby/toddler sleeping alone in a hotel room?

[strawberry34]

When you have a monitor and are still in the premises?my friend says she does it when on holiday, she goes to the bar/restaurant and responds to the monitor if her 2yo dd wakes, I was shocked and said I wouldn't ever want to, I stay in the room and read a book/have a bath. Aibu to think what she's doing is wrong? I don't want to refer to famous cases but to me there's too much risk.

[HarumScarum]

Actually, not sure I would even leave a ten year old. I mean, fire is a small risk but if it did happen and I couldn't get to my child I would never forgive myself.

[JollyShortGiant]

DS is 2 and does not sleep in arms or on laps or in buggies. He can climb out of a travel cot. This is why we've just come back from a holiday in a cottage. It was much more appropriate for our family than a hotel.

If we left him alone in a hotel room:
He'd likely be scared if he woke up.
If he wasn't scared, he'd
a) Climb something
b) Open the door and wander out
c) Switch on some appliances
d) Empty clothes all over the room
e) Switch on the taps
f) Find something inappropriate on the tv
g) Try to open the window
h) Break some decoration

This is clearly not an exhaustive list of dangers, but I'd be far more worried about DS damaging something or himself than I would be about a paedophile or child snatcher getting him.

[HarumScarum]

The risk of leaving your small child alone at home in a safe child-friendly room is probably pretty low. Would you do that?

[coney77]

YANBU it's wrong and stupid.

[HarumScarum]

And crossing roads is a ridiculous comparison. Nobody can live without crossing a road. Everybody can live without leaving their small children alone in a strange environment.

[phantomnamechanger]

just some of the reasons given on this thread, other than random perverts molesting your DC, are as follows -

fire safety - being unable to access your child in the event of a fire or similar emergency - child being too young to make own escape

child wandering off/getting lost or injured coming to try and find you

kettles and other objects - trouser press, razor, medications, open window etc! that DC would not normally have in their safe bedrooms at home

them being scared when they wake up in a strange setting

them being scared by a thief coming into the room, or even a member of staff coming in with legitimate reason

them being scared eg by row in next door room, or rowdy drunks in corridor


the main point given though is just that it is selfish not to put your kids well-being above your own sense of being entitled to child free time to enjoy your evenings. If you want child free time - either don't have kids, or book them into grannys so you get a weekend alone with DH.

[trackies]

Maybe how you assess the risk depends on personal experience as well. DH was nearly abducted when he was 10 whilst out playing with his brother, so we are both v wary of leaving our kids anywhere. So no I wouldn't leave child in hotel room where wide variety of people have access. DH also drank from bottle of bleach when he was a kid resulting in tum being pumped in hospital. So would i leave my child on wn with potental safety hazards ? no. The risk is small but I'm not prepared to take it. If other people do, it's their kids and up to them

[prettybird]

Ragwort - that's what I was intimating earlier

I too have done it without a baby monitor, like you checking regularly and knowing my own child (and how well he slept) and the risks in the room he was in.

He would have had to be a very precocious 2 year old to wake up (which he never did), get out of the travel cot (which he never did) and learn to unlock the door (which he never did) before he came across any other risks....

And when he was older and we were letting him go up to his room on his own to bed, the hotel we go to has one entrance and we having dinner on the patio area outside it (through which all the guests have to go to get into the hotel), so I wasn't bothered about the idea of "random weirdos".

He's 12 now, but even if I were able to have another child (too old now), I'd not change that particular aspect of bringing up a child.

But everyone who knows me knows what a bad and uncaring parent I am not

[javotte]

One of my earliest memories is waking up at night because my newborn baby brother was screaming. I didn't know where my parents were and I had no idea what to do. I was terrified. I was 5, my brothers were 3 and a couple of weeks old and my parents had thought it was OK to leave us.

[Itsaboatjack]

We did it with dd1 at a family wedding about 7yrs ago, pre Madelaine McCann. It actually didn't occur to me not to. It frightens me now, looking back, how blasé we were about it.

I wouldn't do it now.

[louisianablue2000]

The fire risk is the scariest. It's all very well saying you'd go back to the room but the reality is in that case you'd probably both be overcome by the smoke before you ever get near the bedroom.

[prettybird]

That reminds: one of my earliest memories is standing with my brother (aged 3.5 and 2 respectively) on the stairs crying 'cos mum and dad had popped out to neighbours and there was no-one in the house and mum and dad arriving home.

Obviously didn't scar me though!

[ParadiseChick]

Competitive negligence. A new low.

[cleoowen]

Interesting debate and very relevant to me. We're going to a family wedding in October and ds will be 10 months. Was debating with hubbie what to do for the evening reception. We discussed leaving him in the travel cot with the monitor on. No chance of him getting out, hurting himself at that age but I was worried about loosing signal. We ve not decided what to do.

[phantomnamechanger]

of course personal experience does come into it too -

my judgement is affected by the death of my 3rd baby, the loss of 4 cousins in a housefire, being in a B&B when the fire alarm sounded at 6am, a local school burning to the ground in a very short space of time, a neighbours TV catching fire in the middle of the night, a friends child choking to death doing his own breakfast while they had a lie in, another local child accidentally strangling themselves, several drownings and numerous other personal/local/national tragedies

for these and other reasons I am still very cautious about not leaving my children

[JakeBullet]

cleowen we had a similar situation when DS was about the same age. What we did was plan things so that nearly all the family took a turn at spending half an hour in the room with him over the evening. It worked well and meant nobody missed out on the fun but that DS was safe and had someone nearby if he work.

[phantomnamechanger]

cleo - DD stayed up till 11pm at a wedding reception with us when she was just 6 months - if your baby would be too crabby/upset by the change of routine, surely family members would do shifts for you - say 20 mins each - so you and dp still get to enjoy some free time without worrying?

[phantomnamechanger]

x-posts with jake

[Lweji]

Unless she's 2 doors down, she's unreasonable.

Hotel doors are not that difficult to open.

Hell, my front door with security features was not that difficult to open by the locksmith with plastic card.

Plus fire risk.

Surely the hotel should be able to arrange a baby sitter for a couple of hours.

[HearMyRoar]

I might do it if the place was very small. I'd take our video monitor so we could watch to make sure she was OK, just as we do at home. We don't drink alcohol so hardly getting pissed in the bar. Just might want an hour reading in the lounge before bed rather than sitting in silence in a dark room from 7pm.

We are going away in a couple of weeks. Its our first holiday with dd and I hadn't even thought about what we would do in the evenings. Not sure why it hadn't crossed my mind at all.

[ivykaty44]

How many feet or metres must you be near to your baby or small child - and how far is that limit or put another way what distance is unsafe?

[Emilythornesbff]

IMHO YANBU.

The fire risks and getting back to the room against a tide of evacuees has already been explained.
A child could fall out of bed, become disoriented in the strange room.
Leave the room (easily done).
Ppl underestimate the time it takes to get to an hotel room.
The hotel is open to strangers who might want to enter your room for any number of reasons.

I also dislike the suggestion that parents who might dare to worry about "random weirdos" molesting or taking their children are irrational and hysterical. It does happen. Rarely, but it does happen.
Risk analysis is made based not only on the likelihood of an event but also the degree of harm in the event of the risk occurring. I don't think a meal in the hotel restaurant or drink in a bar is worth it personally, but obviously we're all different.

I grew up in the era of "baby listening services" in hotels.
Just because ppl used them doesn't mean that it's ok now.
There were also no seatbelt laws (babies travelled in cars on mum's lap in the front seat or in a carrycot on the back seat) and very lax drnk - driving laws at that time. Should we go back to that?
No thanks. Not for me.

Each to their own though.

[sunshine401]

anyone else remember Butlins and the lovely people with torches who would do "rounds" on the camp to check on the children.. of course whilst the parents were watching the shows