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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just a little reassurance...am I? (parking issue)

16 replies

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 09:30

Our neighbour is a bit of a twat strange. In the past he has asked to park his motorbike by our front door, while he waited to sell it (it had been out in the open for months prior to this) and I ended up saying no because we wouldn't be able to get the pram out, past our car.

(we share an L shaped drive, we park in the bit at the side by our door, which has a car port over it, basically because it makes sense, and the letting agents agree on this)

He has also previously borrowed my bicycle (after asking to borrow my motorbike) and left it in the rain, often unlocked, for months while his car wasn't working. He also knackered the saddle. It got pretty rusty.

This morning at 9, he buzzed on our door asking if his 'visitor' could park behind our car, (blocking us in entirely) and if we could knock on his door (which they never answer) if we wanted to go out.

I said, we are going out. He said when, I said I don't know (I am not yet dressed and have a 6mo baby in my arms, have been tidying up since about 7) so we left it at that.

I feel unsettled by it. The road where we live has thousands of empty parking spaces all along it on a sunday.

I don't get why he needs to let his visitor park behind our car! I'd never do this to him. Only if we're having something fixed, does anyone park behind his car...that's in the week and the agents send them so there's no option. My visitors park on the road.

Am I being unreasonable not saying 'yes of course, we will knock if we want to go out'? Also AIBU to think he is a twat?

OP posts:

MrsBucketxx · 07/07/2013 09:34

sounds like an entitled twat.

just say no, no reasons needed just no.you need access to your home especially with a small child

he us taking the piss and you need to be firmer.

Doobiedoobedoobie · 07/07/2013 09:35

Hmmm, if there's lots of other spaces in the road that does seem a bit odd

For neighbourly relations I'd probably have said yes though, it's not much effort to ask him to move the car as and when. Maybe his visitor is disabled and needs a spot close to the house? Athough he certainly sounds to have been a twat on previous occasions. I'd be livid if I lent someone something and they trashed it, but would've said something the first time they left it out in the rain etc rather than silently fuming.

Buzzardbird · 07/07/2013 09:36

Stand your ground. Don't enable his twattiness, it will get worse. You have a baby, in an emergency situation you would not have time to wait for him to answer his door.

Original poster

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 09:37

Thanks Mrs Bucket. I am relieved.

He is a lot older, has a nice (but very silent) wife whom he doesn't allow to go shopping, or to drive...he chucks his cigarette ends out all over the place (no smoking is in the contract, but he is above that it seems)

when I got cross about the cigarette ends being flung over our patio, he rang my doorbell for a while demanding to talk to me about it, I refused to answer...then I didn't speak to him for a while, and then he collared me one day insisting I smile and look pretty for him, as he doesn't like me ignoring him.

He truly believes that women belong to him and he should be able to tell them what to do.

OP posts:

Original poster

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 09:38

Oh x posts - thanks all.

Yes if it were the other people upstairs I'd have said yes, no question, but they would never ask iyswim.

the road is empty
He didn't say they're disabled, if he had I'd have agreed no question,

I don't know what he is thinking.

OP posts:

Squitten · 07/07/2013 09:39

Bloody hell - what a twat! If there is loads of space on your road, just point it out to him and suggest his guest parks there.

Definitely stop helping him in any way, sexist arse....

MrsBucketxx · 07/07/2013 09:40

doobie he would have said if the guest was disabled no?

why does every aibu seem to turn into one about disability?

he a dick. its your drive he can park else where.

Original poster

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 09:42

I should probably add it is possibly a cultural thing (though I know a lot of Indian people who seem not to behave, or think, like him)

I don't know if this excuses it at all, he was probably brought up to think this way. I think I present a real threat to his sense of ownership - I do not have an owner - therefore he reckons he's doing me a favour telling me what to do.

OP posts:

Buzzardbird · 07/07/2013 09:48

Bit offensive. Would like to bet £1000 that he isn't Indian though.

cozietoesie · 07/07/2013 09:49

......insisting I smile and look pretty for him........?

Dear goodness. If one of my neighbours said that to me, I'd be withdrawing diplomatic relations forthwith.

Are you alone in the house with the DC?

Original poster

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 09:55

I'm Ok, he's not dangerous, just odd.

Buzzard - do you mean I'm offensive? Sorry if it came across that way. I was just saying I thought it might be a cultural thing that makes him think this way...meaning, he sees nothing wrong with it I suppose.

Not that all Indian people are like him.

He's from Kerala.

OP posts:

cozietoesie · 07/07/2013 09:57

That's OK - I wasn't thinking he was actually dangerous. Just more than a bit offensive.

Have you got a nice 6ft plus brother nearby who could be present on occasion ?

Doobiedoobedoobie · 07/07/2013 09:59

Hmm, more than a bit of drip feeding going on there OP!

YWNBU, but only because of the previous iyswim. If it were my neighbours I'd give them the benefit of the doubt even if there were tons of spaces on the road, because they're decent and generally would have a good reason to ask.

And no mrsbucket he may well not have said if guest was disabled, it's not up to him to 'tell'. And no, not every thread needs to turn into one about disability but surely that's a rational explanation for someone needing to park close to a house if there are tons of other spaces available I can't think of any other good reasons anyway, so if my neighbour asked I'd be thinking along those lines rather than my neighbour just being a twat. However, drip feed allowing your neighbour does sound like a twat, so that is that :)

Buzzardbird · 07/07/2013 10:02

S'ok, I get really uneasy when people's heritage is brought into a conversation. Sometimes I forget that mn isn't fb and its not going to turn into a non-white bashing thread.
I don't think his culture has anything to do with it tbh. It is him.

MagzFarqharson · 07/07/2013 10:12

What did you do about the cigarette ends? How did he know you were cross? I'd have flung them back over to his.

What a disrespectful git....

Of course YANBU.

Original poster

RoooneyMara · 07/07/2013 10:22

Sorry Buzzard, that wasn't what it was meant to be about at all, but I kind of allow a little more in a sense because I realise that Indian culture can be different as regards men and women. (I think?)

so I make allowances a bit. But I still want him to leave me alone.

When he was dropping the cigarettes I didn't do anything for ages, just kept sweeping them up then one day I saw one on the ground, looked up, there he was smoking out of the window (he had told me he never smokes up there, yeah right!) and I held it up and said 'Could you not drop these in our garden' and he kind of pretended not to hear, and I said it again, he muttered something about 'it fell out of my hand' and I just went in and slammed the door.

He is so full of bullshit.

OP posts:

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