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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think dh is a bit unhinged (parking related and a bit boring)

45 replies

TheWoodsAreScaryAtNight · 05/07/2013 10:41

The family across the road seem to be very close to their extended family. They always seem to be in and out of the house.
Often, there is picking up and dropping off by car and they often park across our drive whilst they wait. Even if there is space outside their house, they tend to park across our drive because its easier. We have driveways on both sides so its a nice clear space whilst they have a parked van next door.
Sometimes they are waiting 10-15mins.
Personally, I don't care. There's always someone in the car and they would move if we need access.

It drives dh mad.
He will go out if they've been there a while and make them move. Sometimes he just gets in the car as if to drive somewhere so they move. He'll get out and come back in once they have.
Sometimes he tells them.
Once he had a huge argument and shouting match about it with them and the fact that they still do it after that drives dh mental.
He's always looking out of the window if he notices cars outside.

I find his behaviour ridiculous and embarrassing. I tell him to just chill out and we end up having a row.

He thinks this would annoy most people and that I'm not normal.
He won't chill out about this and I think he's a bit deranged. It's actually become an issue in our relationship now as this occurs at least 3-4 times a week.

Would love to know what the majority think.

OP posts:
weisswusrt · 05/07/2013 19:40

Why are you siding with total strangers over your husband though? Maybe your lack of solidarity adds to his rage over this.

SirBoobAlot · 05/07/2013 19:44

Very odd. He gets in the car, just to make them move??

BsshBossh · 05/07/2013 19:45

It's annoying but not worth getting stressed about it. You know that but are getting stressed with your DH about it. Let your DH get worked up but you ignore your DH. It's not worth letting your relationship suffer over.

RoadToTuapeka · 05/07/2013 19:47

Barking!

janowicz · 05/07/2013 19:56

Weisswurst, backing up a friend/partner when they are wrong just because they are a friend/partner is not the grown up way to go about life.

On the understanding that they do not leave the car whilst waiting, your DH really needs to get a grip, strictly speaking they shouldn't block the drive but in reality it doesn't matter. All your DH is accomplishing is souring relations with the neighbours and collecting insulting pet names that the neighbours family have no doubt come up with for him. He is being a tool.

tharsheblows · 05/07/2013 20:05

So they have left the car parked there before with no one in it. I think I'm with your husband on this (although, admittedly, it wouldn't bother me quite as much). They've already proven they will take the piss if allowed, so I think he's quite right not to accept anything halfway.

My guess is that if he stopped shouting and making a scene, they'd start parking and leaving the car there again.

VixZenFenchell · 05/07/2013 20:07

I am with your DH on this one. Someone parking over my driveway would have me angry as - I'd also make the point of going out to get into my car and drive round the block to get them to move. Lucky I can't see the top of the driveway from the house so I don't know if it's happening!

If it was happening often I'd go round and ask them to park / wait elsewhere as I needed my drive clear at all times in case I needed to leave suddenly (am a doctor with a regular on call shift though).

adagio · 05/07/2013 20:08

Would piss me off too - it's just rude (of the neighbours). Cheeky and unnecessary, as you say they have space by their house it's just easier to block you; and they do it a lot and have been asked not to.

Not sure what you can do about it though. I am surprised you are so OK with it!

Your DH does need to calm down though for his own health.

JustinBsMum · 05/07/2013 20:12

What is the long term scenario - might the neighbours move? learn to drive so lifts not needed? will the younger ones leave home any time soon?
How does DH know they are there, can you turn the tv up so he can't hear them, double glaze the front windows? plant large shrubs so you can't see them? can you buy or borrow another car to narrow down the space?

Either way you need to not get involved as it isn't helping if you are both arguing with each other.

fluffyraggies · 05/07/2013 20:21

I can see how your DH's rage has become so huge over the months. I'm picturing myself if a car was left over my drive regularly with no one in it. I would indeed be enraged! Hard then to come back down from that - when the car/s are still being parked there. Even though the driver is sat in it (at the moment).

I would be parking my car across my own drive for peace of mind tbh. (although didn't i read on MN recently that that's illegal? To block even your own drive)

weisswusrt · 05/07/2013 20:26

Actually Jano, I think when you get married, backing up your husband is the least you can do! Better or worse?? Surely a husband should be able to rely on his wife no matter how petty the subject. And I don't think the dh is wrong either.

TheWoodsAreScaryAtNight · 05/07/2013 20:29

Thank you everyone for replying.

I hope I made myself clear by saying across the drive what I meant was across the dropped kerb and so blocking our access to our drive? I hope that's what thought I meant otherwise I'm really sorry!
Its just a small drive with space for 2 cars on a regular street.

They have never left the car with no driver in it since that fateful incident a year ago when there was nearly a punch up.

Weisswurst You're right. My always telling him to forget about it and that they'll be gone in a minute talk adds to his rage. I just don't see the point of getting worked up over this.
I do try to ignore him now but the other day he stuck his head out of the window and took a picture of the driver on his phone! they promptly moved.
Its like he's obsessed. We can be watching a film at 11pm when suddenly dh gets up and runs to the window because he's heard a car and then starts ranting that they've parked across the drive again.

Personally I think its ridiculous to let such a minor thing affect the quality of your own life.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 05/07/2013 20:33

it wouldnt bother me if it was only occasionally, but 3 or 4 times a week would definitely piss me off

Drunkendiva1 · 05/07/2013 20:41

They're taking the piss, it would fuck me off too-why doesn't your DH return the favour & park across the neighbours drive?

lljkk · 05/07/2013 20:42

I am like OP and I wouldn't care at all about the parking. But my husband behaving like that would be grounds for divorce.

WetDog · 05/07/2013 20:43

What the hell is wrong with your neighbours (or their guests) to keep parking over your drive? Really?

They're doing it to get a rise out of him - and if I were him it would wind me up, in fact I'd be fucking fuming on a daily basis because they are doing it on purpose.

He can't help being wound up by it - however ridiculous you think it is. They are taking the piss.

If I were him I'd be parking my car permanently across the bottom of your drive. Or egging their car every time they parked there What absolute fuckwits.

VixZenFenchell · 05/07/2013 20:46

I assumed you meant :

==XXCARXX===
|...........||..........|
|...........||..........|
|...........||..........|
House........House

Sort of thing. Would really annoy me, the more it happens the more I'd be annoyed and I would also be jumpy if I heard a car in case it was happening again. In a state of permanent semi-wound-up-ness over it.

They know they're annoying him, they move when he appears. They're either doing it deliberately to wind him up or they don't care. Is it worth asking them to park over the neighbours drive but leave yours clear?

badfaketan · 05/07/2013 20:49

It would annoy me too,especially if they can park outside their own house.

It seems as if there is no good reason for them to park outside your house.

Also,you asked them not to,which was perfectly reasonable,and they have ignored you so they are being disrespectful.

I know you have said that they co-operate if asked to move but that is not the point,they shouldn't be there in the first place.

peacefuleasyfeeling · 05/07/2013 20:55

I'm kind of glad to have seen this; my DP is also highly principled totally bonkers in these kinds of situations, and it drives me absolutely potty! This one would have him up in arms and in a constant state of vigilance... He'd be right there, cheering your DP on! Good luck. Of course, I think your DP is just as mad and unreasonable as mine.

DoJo · 05/07/2013 21:34

I love AIBU - half the parking threads are about how people should chill out about parking, and this one is all rabid about someone who might possibly be blocking a drive occasionally, except there's always someone in the car so nobody is actually inconvenienced. OP - I think that you need to remove yourself from the situation and tell your husband that you understand that he is frustrated, but you hope he appreciates that you don't feel the same level of annoyance about it, and you think that it's best for both of you if you just don't discuss it any more. Clearly you are just going round in circles, neither of you is necessarily wrong or right as you can't make yourself get wound up about it any more than he apparently can't let it go, but you can stop letting it get to the stage of actually rowing about whose response is more appropriate.

Weisswurst Surely you could say the same about him though? Why is he letting his annoyance at these strangers manifest itself as a row with his wife? Why shouldn't he be the one to say 'I may be annoyed, but I will just suck it up and stop ranting about it because it bothers TheWoods and she is more important than the potential situation where I might be blocked in my drive.'

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