To ask if anyone has paid for a private education and has regrets?

[Moontime]

We will have to think about schools this year and I really don't know whether private schooling is something we should do. We can afford to. I don't mean to sound smug by saying that. I say it meaning if we can afford to then surely we should do the best we can for our DC.

Has anyone gone down the private school route only to realise after a few years that the local state school would have served their children just as well?

[Hamishbear]

As a teacher generally speaking it's much harder to get a job at a very good private school than at the local comp. Try to apply for a school like Brighton College or Guildford High and you'll see what I mean. So at the best private schools the teachers are generally better qualified and have had to face far stiffer competition. On the whole the calibre of staff will be higher at schools like these.

[Floralnomad]

I haven't read the whole of this thread but our experience is that our eldest went independent and then to the local grammar and is currently at uni and heading for a first . Our other child hated the independent ( horrible group of girls) ,went to a local primary then a good local comp( was never going to pass 11+as panics in exams which the indie did nothing about) and now has a home tutor due to illness ( has been out of full time education since the start of yr8) . I strongly feel that my eldest would have done just as well at the local primary and my daughter flourished there ( went from level4 to level 6 in a matter of months) . For us it was a waste of money . Having said that my daughter will probably go independent for 6 th form as I'm not sure she will get in anywhere good otherwise.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

We are having to pay part of DD1's school fees (full fees are £36,000 per year ), which will be a bit of a struggle, so I hope it will be worth it. By worth it, I mean that I hope she gets a good education, enjoys her studying, is stretched and gets reasonable results at the end of it.

[GoshAnneGorilla]

Folly - how is a child written off and ignored at nursery?

[signorapacino]

I don't regret it as such but have no doubt my child would have done just as well at state. I think confidence and polish should come from home and if your state schools are good then go for it and save the money wether you need it or not.

[arethereanyleftatall]

There are about 10 people who I work with who went to private school, different ones. They do have the better paid jobs in our company, but they are also the most disliked,because They thinkd they're better than everyone else.
I can afford to send my kids to private school, but there us no way in earth that I will. I do not want them to believe they are better than others.

[WhatICallAUsername]

WRT to the poster(s) who have said that the privately educated students at their universities (Oxbridge, RG or otherwise) were "twats" etc.- I find this particularly rude, as in my flat of 11 people in halls in 1st year (in a RG uni), I was the only one privately educated, yet I was the also the only one systematically bullied and had possessions vandalised- seems the twattishness did not come from the privately educated student!

(Disclaimer: Obviously this is nothing to do with their education, they were horrible human beings, it just seemed to be a rather un thought out generalisation on the behaviour of PE students).

Also I attended a GSA (Girls' School Association) school and yes, I do know have a realistic view of men, and believe me, I have absolutely no expectation to be treated like a 'princess'

[Chandon]

Some of the private school bashers are just insecure or envious , closed minded sort of people

[Arisbottle]

We could have afforded to have sent ours private but didn't and have never regretted it.

One of our DS is in a grammar school and we have regretted that bitterly and if we could have kept him in mainstream we would. He will leave with a string of qualifications and get into a top university but his education has been narrow and his special needs ignored. He has also needed to use tuition at a comprehensive to fill in the gaps!

[arethereanyleftatall]

Loving the irony of my post of privately educated people being arrogant, being followed up by 2 arrogant responses from privately educated people. Thanks you two!

[stopprocrastinating]

I loved my state primary and state sixth form. Hated the five years I spent in public school where I was bullied. 15 years on DH and most of my friends are state educated and DD will be state educated. In my case I don't think it was worth the money.

[WhatICallAUsername]

Arrogant?? I am so very far from that, but thanks for the assumption. In fact, my post clearly explains that I was bullied throughout my first year of Uni.

Not only has this left me with incredibly low self esteem, but it was continually made very very clear to me that I was not in fact 'better' than anyone else, but instead should be treated very cruelly (think urinating on my possessions). One of my worries in fact, about University, was being assumed to be 'rich and stuck up' as a result of my education (I received grants, fee waivers, and a bursary at Uni)- clearly it's a valid worry!

I have very few regrets about my education, I come from an area with few decent state schools (this is well acknowledged and not me being arsey) and I think if you can afford private education and there are no good alternatives then you should go for it.

[Trying2bMindful]

Every school is different, whether you pay fees or not. The question is, which one is suitable for your DCs now and in the future and can you afford to commit to that for all your DCs.
I was lucky to go private but money became very tight and I am sure it has contributed to the mental health issues suffered by DDad now. I have 3 siblings. Our education was sometimes paid for by DDad's employer, depending on his job location at the time. We were v lucky but my parents sacrificed a lot. I do not believe I will be able to make the same commitment as fees are so high, despite having a good job. When I was young the fees in contrast to house prices and salaries were no where near the levels they are now.
You pay well though:,A private education meant there were only ever a max of 10 in my a level classes and were as small as 4.... However it was a shame I chose the wrong subjects! Careers advice is hit n miss which ever school you go to I think!
The eduction gave me confidence, not arrogance, and a drive to be the best that I can be. What is wrong with that?
It also gave me access to sports, the arts and culture that I would never have had access to through my family.
As for the single sex school comments.... I went to a single sex prep and it did make me awkward and my mixed ed secondary. However parents have a part to play here and should counter that issue with out of school activities. Some single sex schools do try to address this issue as well by partnering up with another school. I do believe I did better at single sex school academically so it probably depends what you value before choosing between them. Studies show boys do better and girls do worse in mixed schools but of course each child is different!!
Do what is right for your child and your family. If the school fits then go for it!!
Good luck.

[LadyBryan]

Every school is different. Every child is different. Some children will go to private school and come out arrogant. Some children will go to private school and turn out to be perfectly lovely, grounded individuals. Some children will go to state school and come out arrogant. Some children will go to state school and turn out to be perfectly lovely, grounded individuals.

I went to a private, all-girls school. It was a brilliant school, and 100% the correct school for me.

I don't get why - beyond anything else - debates around schooling trot out generalisation after generalisation.

My daugher is at private prep. She is currently 2 years ahead of where she should be. She is taught to be kind, considerate, polite. She is happy.

And that is what is important. We did what was right for her.

[forehead]

I have chosen not to send my children to a private school.
The reason being , that if I am going to spend
9K a year on my dc's education I would expect them to get top grades in all subjects. I think that people should be honest about why they send their children to private schools. You expect them to do better than their state school counterparts which is definitely not the case.
My children attend a catholic primary, which has good pastoral care. At secondary level, they will either go to the catholic school or the local grammar. Both of which offer a decent educatiion
BTW, the teachers in private schools are no better or worse than those in state schools. My best friend has worked in both sectors and has said that there are good and bad in both.

[stayathomegardener]

DD went to local primary till year 4 than transferred to private,currently yr9 and wants to go to the local very good state 6th form in two years.

We moved her because the very good state primary had a run of two very poor teachers (one we knew about the other was new) Also found out she is Dyslexic.

Advantages-
She still has great local friends she keeps in touch with and a good connection with her village.
Sport at private is great and very competitive.
Private being smaller has given her more identity and opportunity's.
She is less arrogant than others who started private from reception but perhaps also seen by others as less confident.
I think state 6th form will be less of a shock to her than others.
She is not as jaded with school as some who have been there the extra 4/5 years.

[forehead]

If I paid for my dcs education and they came out with
Average GCSE grades, I would be pissed off tbh
I would expect them to get A 's and B''s.
Dbil sent his dd's to a good private school
They both came out with average grades.
They may or may not have achieved those grades in a state school. One will never know. However, I do get the impression that bil is disappointed with their education and does think it was a waste of money.

[VBisme]

I went to a local comp until GCSEs, then I went to private school for A levels.
The private education was well worth the money. I ended up with 400 points and the pick of unis.
The friends I made there are still my best mates 20 years on.