To ask if anyone has paid for a private education and has regrets?

[Moontime]

We will have to think about schools this year and I really don't know whether private schooling is something we should do. We can afford to. I don't mean to sound smug by saying that. I say it meaning if we can afford to then surely we should do the best we can for our DC.

Has anyone gone down the private school route only to realise after a few years that the local state school would have served their children just as well?

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I think it depends on a combination of factors, not just the private school but the individual child as well.

I went to a state school & had a friend whose brothers were privately educated. Her dad thought spending money on a private education for a girl was a waste of money. She did really well, got a place at Cambridge to study Chemistry (the first from my state school to go). Her brothers didn't do so well despite their private education.

I have one child in state and the other in private (long story)

Boy oh boy do I regret the decision to go state. In fairness it is a super selective state grammar. People move houses, tutor to the nth degree, la la la.

Go private. Really, ignore the politically correct stuff about it depending on the school. If you can afford it,go private.

Glendelsmum - but would you have got to Oxbridge if you followed his path?

This thread is sad. What a shame that UK public schools are failing kids and that this even has to be a discussion. There is no hand-wringing over schools here because all of our Public (State) schools are good and are held to high standards by the board of education. Families that use private schools do so because they specifically want a single-sex education (increasingly rare...most privates have gone coed), they require boarding and/or convenient wraparound care. I think the schools issue is inextricably linked to sociopolitical problems, tbh.

On my first day at Oxbridge, I met a boy I'd been at primary with, and who'd gone to the local comp. Seemed to make a bit of a mockery out of all the money my parents had spent on my education.

I know what you mean, except that boy may have been the only one from the local comp to go there for years (as I was) whereas the private school may have sent tens of students every year. There's no point pretending that the really good private schools don't get more students into Oxbridge, I have seen a really good friend's boy come out with one A, two C's and a D at A-level even though he is incredibly bright and won all kinds of prizes lower down the school. That doesn't happen at the best private schools, I know as I teach the products of them and the three 'B's' students are really not very clever at all.

Wuldric why do you say "go private" with such conviction?
I have the same dilemma as the OP and have decided to send my DCs to private from next year even though the State school is very good. I've always thought that it was the sort of decision that you can never judge in hindsight so I'm curious to know why you feel so strongly about it?

Sorry, I meant to say I saw a really good friend's boy who went to his local comp come out with lower than he should have got grades. Unfortunately, it was all too predictable, he had difficulty fitting in and found fitting in with the anti-intellectual 'don't be a geek' crowd easier than standing out and working very hard. It's this that I think pulls the good students down in comp education sadly, although I'm sure with a really great headteacher and excellent ethos, it is avoided in some non-selectives.

Wuldric - I ahave read your thread about the grammar school constantly calling you in about your DDs appalling behaviour.
Are you saying 'go private' because of that?

I don't know how to respond to that question. Dd had an awful year 8, followed by an even worse year 9. Year 10 has frankly been a blessed relief. I posted a thread, the key message of which was to keep on hanging in there. Always darkest before dawn etc.

The difference between dd's state school and ds's private school is just huge. The state school doesn't have any sports to speak of, the music provision is derisory, and in the classes they teach to the test rather than teaching the subject. Dd is a whizz at English, yet her school does this awful awful thing of excerpt based learning. Basically, they are currently doing Macbeth and they only actually read 3 scenes from the play. Is insane. And pisspoor. The peer group is dubious (currently 8 of her year group identify themselves. As transgender. Which is statistically so unlikely that some part of that has to be a fad. Don't even get me on the eating disorders . . .

Peer pressure is one reason why we hope private will be better. That and 16 in a class rather than 30.

The class sizes make a huge difference. The teachers are just massively qualitatively different. In French, dd has had a succession of inadequate supply teachers. Whereas ds has enjoyed a jolly native French speaker who stimulated and inspired him. I've had to take over dd's French teaching myself. Which has been a strain for both of us.

I went to the local comprehensive, but did well and got into a good University. It was very obvious which of my classmates had come from private schools - I came across many people with the "arrogance twat"ishness that KlickKlack and ComposHat referred to. OK, those people might have got a better education than me, but it didn't get them any further in life and they seemed to have paid the price with their personalities.

Obviously not everyone who goes to private schools turns out that way, but DH and I met a high enough proportion that we wouldn't consider private schooling for our (future) DC.

:) I would like to introduce you to ds and his geeky choirboy mates. The antithesis of entitlement.

If you spend a lot of money on something, you feel you have made an investment. It's a rare person who will admit that money was a waste. Most people who buy an education will justify it, even if they didn't get the results they thought they were paying for.

Dunno why the bitchiness about GDST schools, I went to one (was GPDST in those days) and it wasn't particularly elitist, except academically. And except for a couple of dunderheads who may have been good at writing essays but had the cultural and social awareness of gnats.

I don't think you could pick the GDST ex-pupil out of any bunch of accountants or lawyers or doctors; the most well-off of my ex-classmates both married state-educated men who have done very well for themselves. (One is in the family business, Dad was a self-made millionaire sort, the other works for Goldman Sachs. But is very nice, honest.)

it is ridiculous to say that privare schooo teachers are better than state.where do you think private school teacgers come from? Also on that point thet do not have ti be qualifued to teach in an indi .interesting that you mention french.my sil when she began teaching started unqyalified in an independent school - for tHEM bEING FREnCh WAS QUALIFICATION ENOUGH!

I am just relating my experiences. Which. I knew would be controversial. And of course, unpalatable. All of ds's teachers are highly qualified, ( more paper qualifications, at least) but more engaged and more competent. I think the real issue is the level of engagement that is differential. It would never have been allowed at ds's. school for a class to have 7 indifferent supply teachers in one year. Sorry, it just would not happen.

To answer the OP, I would regret sending my dc to private school if they decided to become SAHPs. Though I will respect their choice, they did not need to be privately educated to do that.

yes. Me.

The private primary I pad > £100000 to for DS1's education missed that he was dyslexic and had Aspergers. DS2 was, in retrospect very unhappy there.

If I had my time again, state all the way

TheWystic - You paid £100,000 for primary???

You obviously went for the expensive so it must be good approach to selecting a school. Bit harsh I know but didn't you keep an eye on your DC's progress?

I think in general it is true to say that teachers in State schools tend to be more stressed due to large class sizes, lack of equipment/funds, worse pay packages, etc. A stressed teacher is a worse teacher IME.
So far my DCs have been to a state primary. Their current YR 5 and 6 teachers are on the verge of a breakdown and seem to hate their jobs. They used to be brilliant teachers, apparently, but they're definitely not giving their best now.

Moontime There are obviously loads of conflicting anecdotes which only goes to show that it is a personal decision based on the schools available to you and your child's ability and personality.

In our case we rejected an offer from a top 10 school for DD and accepted an offer from a top 40ish school for that reason. A friend DID accept the offer and now regrets it but her regret is because she was blinded by the academic excellence as opposed to regretting going private.

Hmmm. I also think it depends on the school and what you expect to get for your money. I have signed DD up for my local private school, after much soul-searching, as I just don't think the local state schools will give her the tools she needs to have the opportunities I hope she will have.

For context, we are in an area which has too few primary schools for the number of children - a situation that is only going to get worse. The (previously outstanding) school we live in the catchment for is now only rated 3 by ofsted and comments in the report include that girls are not encouraged to do mathematics/science. Despite not having factors which could explain low attainment in the nationwide tests (e.g. high numbers of students who do not speak english as a first language, high SEN student numbers who struggle with academic, etc), the school has inadequate resutls in maths and english. Add to that the fact that the school apparently has a billion rules telling parents what they can and can't do (e.g. the contents of packed lunch boxes), and I am very unhappy about the thought of sending my child there. If we even got a place - DD could instead be shunted off to one of the nearby village schools, which would be OK if we had any way to get there that wouldn't take over an hour (no trains, buses only once an hour, and we don't own a car).

And that's just the primary level. Secondary schooling around here is worse - but not so bad as to give students special consideration by university admissions. Instead, it is just mediocre. The highest results for a student last year from all three of our local secondaries were 6 As and a couple of Bs. My DH does Russell Group university admissions and he took one look as said that unless there were many red flags for the student (e.g. disabled from a single parent family on benefits and the first to go to univeersity in their family), that student wouldn't even get a look in at his university.

In contrast, the local private school has excellent facilities (sports fields, a climbing wall, a swimming pool, amazing IT centres), goes up to V1th form, gets brilliant results (including taking GCSE maths a year early - in which the whole class usually gets an A*). There is also a contract with the school in which the school sets out its obligations as well as outs - nothing like the state school 'contracts' I have heard about which are remarkably short on detail of what the school will be doing and which I would be returning unsigned with a note asking exactly what they considered their obligations to be. I want DD to enjoy school, get decent results (not looking for a genius - just want her to do well enough to have options), and I think that the private school is the way to do it.

I had this dilemma a year ago.Private school was a financial option and we live on the edge of a high deprivation inner city area which means the gap between state and private was quite significant in many aspects.However,I was uncomfortable with paying from age 4 and wanted DS to have the experience of going to a local school with local friends and not having a car trip 10x a week so I put him in the nursery of one of the local schools so I could find out more about the school myself before making a choice.

I needn't have worried.It is brilliant,a really caring atmosphere very dedicated teachers and an excellent head.When he started it was Ofsted satisfactory so nothing amazing on paper but has since gone up to good.They don't have the private school facilities for sport but for primary it will be more than fine.I'm really glad we can walk there and it gives more time to spend doing other things.So he is starting reception there in September.
I am confident it will be fine.At the moment the plan is private at age 11 but the primary school feeds into a boys school with good results so he may never go private at all.
There is discrimination from some universities against private school pupils so sending him into private education may actually disadvantage him.We've got friends whose privately-educated straight A-student DC has still ended up with no offers from medical school.I'd be pretty disappointed that I'd forked out all that money if that happened.

In terms of regretting paying,depends what you are looking at.Is it only "worth it" if your DCs end up with great academic results and a high salary?I went to a private GPDST school and loved it.I've got 2 sisters who also went there.2 of us went to Oxbridge.One has a well-paid career,the other has a poorly paid but interesting career.The other is a teacher.So is my cousin who was a teenage mum,living in a council flat at 16 and went on to do A -levels at night school.They have ended up in the same place through very different routes but one cost a lot more.

No, there isn't any discrimination against private schools by universities - boot is very much on the other foot. Pupils from private schools get an entirely disproportionate amount of places at the 'best' universities - although the belief that they are 'best' is often misplaced. It depends very much on the subject.

re: teachers being better at private schools. This is not true.

I had bad and good teachers at state and private schools. It was the class sizes that made the difference to me.