To ask if anyone has paid for a private education and has regrets?

[Moontime]

We will have to think about schools this year and I really don't know whether private schooling is something we should do. We can afford to. I don't mean to sound smug by saying that. I say it meaning if we can afford to then surely we should do the best we can for our DC.

Has anyone gone down the private school route only to realise after a few years that the local state school would have served their children just as well?

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Really Eilidh? That's strange as the number one value instilled at my dc's school is kindness.

Not all private schools are great but personally I wouldn't write them all off based on the experience of one school.

[BrianTheMole]

I would never, ever send any of my children private. I don't like the values they instill.

You can't say that about every private school. Well of course you can, but you are absolutely wrong. The school my dc attend place huge importance on kindness and respect for others. Or are they not the values you want? Working in one school does not mean you know how every other school is. You get good private schools and bad private schools, same as state schools.

[Eilidhbelle]

Wow! Won't be giving my opinion on THAT again then!

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Well, surely you realise your experience of one school is just that, experience of one school.

Private schools vary as much as state schools, some good, some bad and some average.

[Chottie]

Eilidhbelle please give your opinions, I think it was just that your statement was general and it seemed that your opinion was based on one school only. Please post if this is incorrect?

[Eilidhbelle]

Hmm, it's probably not very professional for me to slag off my ex-employers online. And to be fair, there were lots of good points to working there. But it wasn't for me, and it won't be for my children.

But I'm happy with my choices, as I'm sure you all are with yours.

[edwinbear]

Compos I concur with Jaffa we also had a huge number of pupils on bursaries and scholarships (academic, sporting and arts related) and there were never any issues at all.

[Eilidhbelle]

And you're right, I shouldn't speak for all schools based on one experience, I apologise.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Haven't read all of this but: we live SW London. DC went to a fantastic, outstanding primary although we transferred DS at 8 to an academic indy because he was not being academically stretched and there was not enough sport. Think 10 A*s at GCE Level and a projected 42+ points at IB (fingers crossed for tomorrow!). Classics next year - not much chance of that from a state school.

DD stayed until 11 and then went to a sought after top 100 cofe comp (not any more). We moved her at end of year 8. Poor pastoral care, lack of academic excellence and deteriorating and unmanaged behavour. We had high hopes but it was a disaster.

All depends on the child and local standards at primary and secondary level. However a London day school and Surrey day school cost us (teenagers) 36k excluding travel and expenses per annum and if you can't do it comfortably I would say overall it probably isn't worth it. Especially taking into account the cost of uni fees and living expenses.

DD isn't esp academic but is quiet and hard working and was just getting lost in the state system. DS would have survived anywhere just not sure if he would have thrived academically.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Hat every single UK parent needs to do is campaign for improved academic standards and options for the effective management of behaviour.

[YoniWheretheSunDontShine]

Goodness my mother worked as an accounts assistant for 6 years in a job she loathed and hated to send me private, we had no holidays, no frills or trims at all, just the basics, it was my parents who came to the school in an old battered banger etc....

And my school was very hot on kindness, empathy, etc we had a strong RE department but funnily enough it was rarely religious instruction in terms of Genisis or the bible, it was always moral dilemmas and what we can do to make the world better.

There was also a huge mix of backgrounds, lots of GP paid for children to be there....

[Dixiefish]

I went to a private girls' school and don't recall ever expecting to be treated like a princess. Just as well really.

I don't think private schools necessarily make kids arrogant or entitled (frankly that can just as easily come from the parents), but they do give them a sense that they can achieve anything - university, career etc - if the kids apply themselves, and steer them in the right direction. When I started work I came across several people who had been advised at their (state) school that there was no point them applying to Oxbridge, or even university at all, which I think is a bit sad.

We are agonising over this for our DCs' secondary education. My dad's work paid for me and my my brother, but neither mine nor DH's work is paying for our lot! We'd have to move to get into a decent state secondary round here, so that's probably what we'll do; they are in private prep school now, and though they're doing well there, tbh I'm not convinced they wouldn't have done just as well at state junior. They're certainly not ahead academically of their cousin, who goes to state school.

[GrimmaTheNome]

My DH was sent to a private school and says it was a mistake - it was a mediocre school, in an area with loads of grammars which he would for sure have got into and which he's pretty sure would have suited him better. It was the sort of school which was brilliant for music ... if you were a choral scholar but which told the other boys to just mouth along.

OTOH we sent DD to a private primary - the state schools near us are all faith of one sort or another - and we think that was money well spent (smaller class sizes, much better sports, etc) . For secondary - we could have gone either way; DD felt the state GS was 'right' for her and we really couldn't see anything about the private alternatives available which would serve her better. Turns out she's interested in electronics, so her gcses will include that and computer science which simply aren't offered at any of the private schools round here. So for her, with the choice of schools available here, private primary and state secondary was right. What is right for your children will depend on them and what schools are available to you - there is no simple answer.

[FormaLurka]

I went to a crap state school full of yobs and indifferent teachers. Consequently, I would never send my kids to a state school.

Its sounds quite stupid when you flip it around, doesn't it?

[Mumsyblouse]

Forma not ironic to me, that's exactly why I would prefer not to send my children to a state school, my own experience and that of my friends, plus seeing what I've seen of the current state schools from my friends' children which makes me think very little has changed and that, if they went to a similar type of comp that I went to, it indeed would be full of yobs although I don't think the teachers were indifferent, more overwhelmed.

I would send them state, to a grammar school, but would only send them to a comp like mine with a very heavy heart.

[RoxyFox211]

Yes, my parents used some of there inheritance from my grandad to pay for some of secondary school privately. I hated it so much I dropped out as soon as possible. Everyone had very different values to me & I felt like a complete outcast. I rebelled completely & (perhaps unfairly) have never forgiven my parents for taking me away from my friends. After my mum went to work as a librarian in a private school she said the standard of teaching was shockingly bad compared to state school regs. She changed jobs and said she regrets ever sending me privately.

[maddy68]

I sent my children privately
I wouldnt do it again if I had my time over , honestly I wouldnt

[maddy68]

pressed send too early - I work in a state school now and the teaching is far superior to that of the very exclusive selective private school my children went to

[FormaLurka]

We went to the open days for the Indies that we were considering. We crossed one off because the mums were like Stepford Wives. At another we were put off by the HM's "this school is for winners" type speech to the parents. One school had great sports and drama facilities but it's academics weren't brilliant. At the end of the process we were left with one school. DS was accepted and is currently enjoying it greatly so no regrets.

[FormaLurka]

... Going by other people's comments it sounds like they or their parents didn't do a good job of choosing the 'right' school.

[daisychain01]

One of the biggest differences between state and private education is the level of discipline and respect instilled. Good order in the classroom is at the heart of a successful and enjoyable education, but sadly the UK state system has lost the plot. Teachers in the state sector lack the empowerment to nip disruptive behaviour in the bud effectively (eg answering the teachers back, clambering under desks, using mobiles in the classroom to text their friends, dressing inappropriately, to name just a few examples IME!) which has an immediate and enduring knock-on effect in terms of achievement. This is because state school teachers are acutely aware that they have a vast range of pupils from every strata of the socio-economic ladder to try to educate. Not all children have the support and structure at home, sadly.

Thats a very long winded way of saying ...go for it if you can! Paying for an education ensures the school's ethos is focussed on good behaviour and respect - because the parents expect it, they are paying handsomely for that "product". It is the best investment you can make! My parents paid for mine and I thank them every day for that!

[Jinsei]

daisy, have you been into many state schools? Obviously, there are major disciplinary problems at some state schools, but your description is hardly representative. It certainly doesn't reflect what I have seen in the state sector. Perhaps you've just been unlucky?

[GrendelsMum]

Just on my own experience, I'm not sure I would.

My parents stretched themselves to send me to private school. Certainly I got an excellent education, but it was also very pressurised, and I ended up diagnosed as suffering from stress. (Possibly family issues as much as / rather than the school, though, to be fair.)

On my first day at Oxbridge, I met a boy I'd been at primary with, and who'd gone to the local comp. Seemed to make a bit of a mockery out of all the money my parents had spent on my education.