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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to give my dc coffee?

27 replies

Madmum24 · 04/07/2013 20:33

Genuine AIBU, I personally don't think I am, but am interested in the MN verdict.

My dc (12) recently did well in an exam and I suggested we go for a treat. She chose a well known coffee house, and wanted an iced coffee milkshake thing (which she has had once before)

So order it, then see two cashiers whispering together and one announces "Do you know that has coffee in it?" in a rather judgemental way. "Yes, it's fine thanks" I reply. Second cashier pipes up with "Are you suuuuure you don't want to change it for something without coffee in it?" Again I reply "It's fine thanks" cue strange looks from said cashier.

I am not a frequenter of these type of places so I genuinely don't know if there is an unwritten rule about children and one shot of espresso in a lot of milk coffee milkshakes.

So tell me MN, should I be ashamed of this purchase and stick to lemon barley water next time, or is the odd frappe going to do no harm?

Disclaimer: my kids eat really well, mostly home made meals, rarely fizzy drinks etc, so it is not as if we are trying to replace meals with poison coffee.

OP posts:
Aetae · 04/07/2013 20:36

No I don't think you're being unreasonable. Lots of people give 12 year olds caffeinated fizzy drinks without a second thought, I don't see how coffee is any different. Is caffeine good for developing brains? Not particularly, but once every now and then isn't the end of the world.

fluckered · 04/07/2013 20:36

if its kept as a once a blue moon treat cant see it being harmful. sure its the same as coke imo and that's bought and drank more freely by kids.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/07/2013 20:36

I bet they wouldn't have turned a hair if you had bought her a couple of cans of coke, each containing 32mg of caffeine.

CatsRule · 04/07/2013 21:20

Would they have acted the same had you ordered her a tea? I'm told tea has as much caffeine...not sure how true that is...but it still has caffeine or like others have said fizzy juice! Kids including small toddlers are.given all kinds of crap that people don't seems to see the harm in so I don't see why they were so judgemental.

I don't think yabu fwiw.

CloudsAndTrees · 04/07/2013 21:40

YANBU.

I wouldn't mind my dc having coffee any more than I mind them having coke. As it is, I don't like them having either, so it rarely happens. It will do no harm at all as long as its kept as a treat.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/07/2013 21:43

Oh FFS. YANBU. Those things are 99% sugar and milk. The coffee is an afterthought. But even if she had wanted an espresso, if it's once in a blue moon then what is the issue?

fuckwittery · 04/07/2013 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainSweatPants · 04/07/2013 21:45

Can't believe staff were so judgy Shock

Does she look v young for her age?

wigglybeezer · 04/07/2013 21:47

Mine have a real coffee every morning for breakfast from about ten, they aren't allowed energy drinks at all or coke except as a treat. YANBU.

Startail · 04/07/2013 21:50

YANBU
DD1 (15) has had tea in cafes for years, certainly since she was 12. No one bats an eyelid

DD2 has had coke since she was about 4 if there is no fruit shoot or apple juice (She is very difficult about drinks the price you pay for extended BFing, human milk is sweet, cows milk and water aren't )

WilsonFrickett · 04/07/2013 21:51

I find it quite amusing that people whose job it is to sell caffeinated beverages hoisted their judgy-pants at you for... Buying a caffeinated beverage. Grin

Of course the odd frappe isn't going to do any harm. Especially compared to coke, red bull and those god-awful energy drinks the high school kids round us clutch to their bosoms every morning.

I also have very fond memories of the P7 boy who was DS class buddy when they started school, who occasionally wandered in to the playground drinking a filter coffee in the morning. Lovely lad. He 'just needed a wee boost in the morning Mrs, eh?'

ariane5 · 04/07/2013 21:51

YANBU

Very occasionally dd1 11 has a very milky cappucino and she loves it. 2-3 times a week she has a cup of tea.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a coffee as a treat or even fizzy drinks every so often. Dcs have healthy diets and the odd treat won't hurt them.

Sirzy · 04/07/2013 21:52

I was expecting you to say she was 2 not 12!

How strange they even felt the need to comment

poocatcherchampion · 04/07/2013 21:54

I was expecting 2 as well! I give my 15mo sips of tea. Normally decaf but that's only cost I'm pregnant.

fuzzpig · 04/07/2013 21:59

YANBU. I hate coffee (well if I'm honest I haven't really tried it properly, hate the smell) but 12 is old enough for the odd one. It's hardly glugging red bull every day on the way to school is it :o

I definitely agree that if you'd bought them a coke they wouldn't have said a thing. Which is daft as surely it's just as bad if not worse. My 6yo has only tried coke very occasionally.

birdofthenorth · 04/07/2013 22:05

Yanbu, and totes ridic of the staff. Kids on the continent have coffee for breakfast much younger than 12. I sometimes give DSS -10- diet coke at weekends, just no more than two or three, and not into the evening for fear of sleep interference. The odd frappe is hardly going to kill them. Most 12 year olds have tried booze ffs! Maybe the staff were bad judges of age?

BlackholesAndRevelations · 04/07/2013 22:06

I was going to say the same re: coke; they wouldn't have batted an eyelid at that!

To the poster who gives her 3 yo sips of coffee... Doesn't she bounce off the walls?! Totally wouldn't risk it with mine! Wink

StrangerintheNight · 04/07/2013 23:40

YANBU. We were given milky coffee once a week at secondary school, but this was in the bad old days before coffee became an aspirational lifestyle drink for 12 year old girls. We all hated it.

Was in a cafe recently and a mother on the next table ordered a 'babycino' - ie just frothy milk - for her very small child. The waitress was obviously unfamiliar with the term (which is pretty ghastly but I think it's fairly widely used) as she brought over an actual cappuccino for the baby, no questions asked.

ALittleBitOfMagic · 04/07/2013 23:44

YANBU and I think the cashier were simply showing there ignorance ! Well done your dd i hope she enjoyed her milkshake ! I hope when my dd gets a bit older this is something we can do together I love the GrinGrin

SquinkiesRule · 05/07/2013 00:12

Silly cashiers.
My 8.5 year old orders herself a nice icy coffee drink when we go out, it's only about once a month. She gets no pop, and very little juices, mostly water and milk. It's a huge treat and if we averaged out her caffeine and sugar in take over the month I'm pretty sure she gets a lot less that other kids. The local coffee shop by us never bats an eye, they usually just ask if she wants whipped cream on top not that it needs asking

Original poster
Madmum24 · 05/07/2013 00:53

Thanks for the replies, in my background it is normal for children to drink coffee, so I was wondering had I made a horrendous faux pas by allowing her to order this.

strangerinthenight I haven't had the joy of hearing of a babychino before boak

The cashiers both looked teenaged, which surprised me even more, I might have understood the judgey pants looks from a much older person, and my dc is very tall for her age so definitely looks her age.

Glad to know that IANBU :-)

OP posts:
SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 05/07/2013 01:04

All mine drink the dregs of my coffee and have done for years, and they're all tea drinkers.

I'd much rather that than coke daily which many people don't seem to have a problem with.

At twelve it's a non issue surely Confused

SummerRainIsADistantMemory · 05/07/2013 01:09

And when I say dregs what I mean is they make off with half my bloomin mug!

I used to keep dd busy when she was under 2 in coffee shops by giving her a spoon and letting her at my coffee whilst I fed ds2.

And they're all partial to the cappuccino my dad makes which is just an expresso with froth.

Totally normal in the culture I'm from.

sashh · 05/07/2013 01:44

When did this "no caffeine for kids" start?

I'm not saying caffeine is good for kids, but when I was at primary school we would be given milky coffee in winter.

Now it would be unheard of.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 05/07/2013 06:27

My kids love coffee. My middle son, now six, has been drinking it since he was a toddler (started drinking the dregs of mine.) They don't get it often, but I let them have lattes if we go to a cafe.