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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nightmare playdates

20 replies

FragileTitanium · 04/07/2013 20:04

Just getting this off my chest really. Had a lovely little girl over for playdate with my DD. Picked her up from school, so busy parents didn't have to do school run. Asked her mum the week before what little girl likes to eat or whether there's anything she doesn't like to eat.

Apparently, little girls "eats absolutely everything".

Played it safe and made a homemade pizza for dinner. Little girl complained the whole time. It takes 20 mins to get from school to our house - every 30 seconds child said "Oh, HOW LONG." Little girl eats absolutely NOTHING. I literally went through every single thing in the house to tempt the little girl, and the only thing she would try was dry ryvita and a bowl of party sweets left over from a party bag. Not bread, not pizza, not plain pizza with nothing on it but tomato paste and cheese, not pizza base with nothing on it at all, not any type of cheese, didn't know what yoghurt was, no bear facts, no jam or honey, not any type of veg or fruit, no strawberries, bananas, not pasta, not rice, not any type of meat, not even ice-cream.....I didn't have anything left I could offer. Only a bowl of sweets....can you imagine giving a child a bowl of sweets as a meal when they come to visit? As I was suggesting things, the little girl was shouting "what else can I have".

Then parents forgot to pick her up. It was 7.30pm when they finally remembered to come and get her - 2 hours after the agreed pick up time. Oh, and they weren't answering any of their phones, so I thought something terrible had happened.

I was a shivering wreck.

While I'm getting stuff off my chest, another mother brought her daughter round for a playdate (i'd invited her and her daughter for lunch). . Told me her daughter was afraid of dogs (we have a dog) but that it would be character building for her to be around one. Then asked if it was alright if she just dropped off her daughter and went off for a little while. 5 hellish hours later, she picked up her daughter who was a shivering, terrified wreck even with our tiny doggy locked up in her crate the whole time (something I've never done before or since for that amount of time).

I have a lot of playdates and they're really lovely. These two have been recent horrors.....

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 04/07/2013 20:08

I think you have been very unlucky. For future reference, offer a visiting child a couple of choices (beans or peas type choices) then leave them to it. Some children just very fussy about eating at other people's houses but they will eat at least a piece of bread if really hungry.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 04/07/2013 20:11

When they go right they make life easier as your DC is entertained when they go wrong they are horrific and time slows to a crawl, picking up so late is an utter piss take, how could they 'Forget' !

SlimePrincess · 04/07/2013 20:19

Playdates sound like a complete nightmare.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 04/07/2013 20:20

Those are very very bad play dates.
But I once had a play date visitor removed by ambulance with suspected meningitis, which I think was very slightly worse.

SlimePrincess · 04/07/2013 20:26

O NO! Were they OK?

aldiwhore · 04/07/2013 20:32

I have learned from experience which child's parents 'forget' pick up time or don't bother texting to say they're delayed (absolutely no problem if they're delayed and tell me). The best was... agreed pick up time of 6 - 6.30pm, dad arrived at 8pm, MUM arrived at 8.05pm. !?! They're separated so you know, newly separated perhaps bad communication, perhaps a row ending in a stand off... who knows.

If a playdate does eat from a broad set of choices, they don't eat. Playdates now end when I take the child home at 6ish. If the child doesn't eat, then I tell the parents when I drop off the child.

So far, much as the playdates have been rather interesting, the children have been pretty lovely.

"Mama Mia's Pizzeria" always seems to go down well (and yes, I do the bad Italian accent) they make their own pizzas, it kills time and lessens the house trashing, and mostly, the children seem to eat these mostly revolting looking concoctions!

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 04/07/2013 20:36

Yes she was OK in the end slime, it was a very bad reaction to a more normal virus but it was utterly terrifying at the time.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 04/07/2013 20:36

Anything that lessens house trashing gets my vote!

lljkk · 04/07/2013 20:46

Blimey, do you have a Neon arrow and sign saying "Mug" over your head? Why do they treat you like that?

Child who wouldn't eat: fine, she doesn't eat. She's not going to disappear before your eyes.

Dog case sounds awful, though, maybe mum thought she was doing something good to force her, can't figure that one out at all.

Aniseeda · 04/07/2013 21:34

Mine are thankfully beyond that age now but I used to try, if at all possible, to agree to take the visiting child home to avoid parents turning up late or children acting up and not wanting to go home, hiding while an ineffectual parent stood in my hallway saying 'come on dear we must be going' etc. I needed to know the end was in sight and under my control!

If they didn't like what I cooked, I'd offer a cheese/ham/jam sandwich or bread and butter.

Definitely one stage I am glad is behind me!

Original poster

FragileTitanium · 05/07/2013 06:38

Happy days! I did wonder why those two children never get invited anywhere given that they are so very sweet and the parents always seem lovely and friendly.

However, looking back over the years,I should have known. A few years ago, first little girl (she was 3 at the time) was dropped off at my DD's 4th birthday party and the parents didn't tell anyone they were dropping her off. The first I knew of it was at the end of the party the little girl asked me where her parents were and then ran off into the car park by herself to look for them. Cue me and about 6 other parents desperately running after the little girl....little sweetie could run really fast for a 3 year old. The little girl could easily have walked out the door of the venue, which was open the whole time, without anybody realising she was gone because noone knew to keep an eye on her. Oh, and they were late to pick her up from the party too.

The second little girl is a genius born from two extremely eminent people (won't say more otherwise they'll be easily identified). In desperation I put them in front of a Scooby Doo movie....that was a mistake.

Little girl asked my DD a question every 5 seconds, "How can that float?", "Why are they running", "What is that green thing doing?" etc, etc. In the end, my little girl just kept saying "Don't know", "Don't know". I was very proud of her for not screaming.....I'm sure I would have.

OP posts:

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 05/07/2013 06:43

I wonder if that little girl is actually used to the parents 'forgetting' and that is why she kept saying "how long" and being difficult?

pigletmania · 05/07/2013 07:56

Yanbu at all, the parents sound lie real piss takers and I would no have tem round again. They were using you for free childcare. If Chid does not eat set food, offer a sadwch or toast, te child will not wither away, and tell parents that they did not want to eat anything.

raisah · 05/07/2013 08:51

I am surprised at how little disregard people have for the welfare of their children. I am not implying that all you lovely mums would harm somebody elses child but essentially the kids are being left in the care of unchecked strangers. With all the current news of abuse etc I dont understand why people dont take more care of their kids. I read a thread where a new neighbour left the son with the op for a day quite soon after moving in. WHY would they do that?

BarbarianMum · 05/07/2013 09:03

But raisah, you can't identify potential abusers by looking at them. So you have 2 choices - your child never goes to others to play without you or you take a chance.

Most people get to know the other family a bit but chatting 3 times in the playground doesn't really guard against anything.

Original poster

FragileTitanium · 05/07/2013 17:31

Wise words from experienced mums re the food thing!

I've always thought that one of the nice things to do when hosting a playdate is offering really delicious things to eat that the little ones absolutely love. It's such a joy to see them enjoy the food they love.

OP posts:

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 05/07/2013 17:46

When mine were little I used to go to great lengths to prepare inventive, delicious and nutritionally balanced meals for visiting children. Without exception they received faces. I now put the oven on and shove in either pizzas or chicken legs and oven chips (with corn on the cob if feeling virtuous). Life's too short.

Nanny0gg · 05/07/2013 17:57

They eat nothing!

Original poster

FragileTitanium · 05/07/2013 19:39

Thanks for letting me get it all off my chest....have just eaten a garlic laden home made pizza for dinner.......YUM.

Yes I am very greedy and eat a lot.

OP posts:

Snog · 05/07/2013 19:59

Stressing about what other people's kids eat is OTT imo.
They either eat what you serve or can have bread and butter.
Worst case they eat nothing and eat something at home instead...or not.
Unless the children you invite round to play have malnutrition it matters not, surely?
My dd is super fussy. I tell hosts not to make or offer her anything special, just let her eat or not. I would be mortified if they went to special effort to accommodate her fussiness...and I don't think it would do my dd any favours either.

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