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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - nasty work comment re evaluate priorities

17 replies

Shrinkshy · 04/07/2013 19:18

Hey everyone I'm quite new to mn my background 28 married 3yrs work full time NHS no kids but thinking to start next year (want to prepare, lower BMI etc)

At work I needed to do a 360 feedback form from my colleagues and someone made a very nasty comment about me that frankly was inappropriate inaccurate and a personal attack. She (its anon but assuming she) said I was lazy and seemed disinterested in the team amongst other things. My supervisor was also taken a back by this comment as he didn't think I was at all. I have worked for 5 years in nhs for many different teams always got glowing feedback hard working enthusiastic etc. anyway ended up crying to my boss (pre menstrual today lol!) so upset. I was a difficult time for me the time I got the feedback in April/may as a close friend died suddenly and I was stressed with exams too.

I've taken a day off tomorrow just don't feel like working with them / her ( I have a feeling I know who said it) AIBU to be upset? The form will go on my permanent record and I do t think whoever wrote that really realised it would tarnish my name and possibly my career. Lucikily my supervisor is writing a report to sort of reject the evaluation form - he thinks the whole team was under a lot of stress then and I must hav caught someone on a bad day

Anyways..... I'm starting to really just feel I've had enough with work.i used to be such a career woman always striving but comments like this just really hurt me and turned me off. I think part of me, a big part, is ready to think about children and the next stage in my life. I just wanna quit! But I know that's totally silly.

aIbu to be upset? How would you handle it? I only have one month left in this team and I will never see them again....should I just be gravcious? I'm the type of person that really takes things to heart I need thicker skin....

One thing I've taken away from it is to not overwork myself to the point I'm stressed burnt out its not worth it. I'm going to start simplifying my life, the ppl in it (get rid of toxic friends) and do things that make m happy. The worst is I loved this job but obviously someone doesn't like me.

Appreciate any words of advice/tips/thoughts xxx

OP posts:

MrsLyman · 04/07/2013 19:24

Wow, you seem quite stressed in general. I think you're bring a bit over dramatic. I suggest a nice cup of tea and an early night and see if you feel better in the morning. Then take a look at why you let this comment get to you so much, as it really isn't worth throwing your whole working life away over.

BrevilleTron · 04/07/2013 19:27

It took me a long time to realise that it was ok for people not to like me. Because it was ok for me not to like everyone either.
Everywhere you go in life, you will find people you just don't like and who don't like you.
It's hard when you find that someone doesn't like you. But it really is ok.
Someone has made that comment. Understandably you feel hurt. But.
It's not the most important thing in your working life.
99% of the people DO like you. That's a good margin.
Try to focus on that.
It's only ONE person who doesn't.
Majority rules.
Pick your head up and carry on.
Sounds like you are doing ok. That comment will not follow you about.

You are doing fine OP. don't worry about the little things.

Pancakeflipper · 04/07/2013 19:29

It was a comment by 1 person and your boss thinks they were talking crap. Head up and go and do your job. They might be making personal comments on everyone for whatever reason. Don't let it get to you.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 04/07/2013 19:30

Are you a doctor on a training track? Quitting would not be a good idea!

Original poster

Shrinkshy · 04/07/2013 20:39

Lol thanks guys not quitting just need a holiday!! Advice appreciated so much going to enjoy my long weekend with family friends and fun :) not gonna let this silky comment get to me xxxx

OP posts:

sameoldIggi · 04/07/2013 21:06

360 degree feedback is the work of the devil. Ignore.
Whoever thought them up should be shot.

hotbot · 04/07/2013 21:07

1 poor 360 feedback........... Not to be taken seriously.

aldiwhore · 04/07/2013 21:14

YANBU to feel upset.

I also wouldn't be at all surprised that the person you suspect is NOT the culprit.

A record with no criticism at all is not to be trusted. A few blips can be a good thing, especially if you've got the back up from your boss.

Enjoy your holiday.

I remember being utterly distraught that for my PDR my boss marked me down as reaching the expected level... I had sweated blood to make a difference, instigated procedural changes way above my pay grade, I NEEDED acknowledgement... I was gutted with the 'okay' mark.

I know now that actually the higher praise could have worked against me in the future, and that actually my boss HAD recorded my hard work, but from a stats point of view, had he marked my as high as he'd liked, if I'd then worked to rule, or even slightly less well then it would have been noted that my work had deteriorated. Which looks worse.

I don't sweat blood these days, I don't work to rule, I remain comfortably above where I need to be to get where I want to go.

Scrubber · 04/07/2013 21:17

Your boss is on your side and the rest of the feedback is good. Try to dismiss this person's comments. It probably says more about them than you. Chin up!

GrendelsMum · 04/07/2013 21:21

A friend of my DH's once told him that if everyone liked you, you were doing something wrong, and I think there's probably quite a lot in that.

Do you actually want everyone in your team to like you? It doesn't sound as though you like them all.

bankofmum · 04/07/2013 21:24

If we give feedback at work, we have to give evidence and examples, e.g. x does not seem interested in the team because she doesn't join in during team meetings. Otherwise everyone could just dis everyone they didn't like. Ask your boss to ask the feedback giver for specific examples

lunar1 · 04/07/2013 21:29

Dh got his first crappy one before his final review before getting his ccst, he was devastated. It was really Nasty and uncalled for. He knew exactly who did it too. Try not to take it to heart, it says way more than them than you.

WilsonFrickett · 04/07/2013 21:32

You go back to your boss and say 'as you know, I was surprised to hear feedback x yesterday, would it be possible for you to go back to the person and ask for specific examples of when my work came across like that, as clearly that's something I would like to work on in the future.'

And honestly? Grow a thicker skin, stop stressing, stop crying, stop taking random days off and put your big girl pants on and get to work. I don't think your self image of 'a career woman' is matching up with your presentation to be honest.

FishfingersAreOK · 04/07/2013 21:32

I would rather be described as lazy and disinterested in the team than over-dramatically busy (you know the sort of people who are "OMG I have SO much to do, I am so important..yadeyadeya") or overtly interested or familiar with their colleagues (invading space, asking too many personal questions).

Not really making light of it OP - it would make me churn too. (stupidly sensitive) But I have tried to move on/am learning to not let other people's opinions/comments make me so upset.

So this opinion could be viewed as a positive from a different point of view. Or maybe is from someone is is too familiar/over dramatic - so doesn't like the calmer more appropriate approach you have,

Think on the feedback - is there any element you need to work on? If yes - move forward making changes as appropriate. If not - ignore. People have different viewpoints. Some people are also crap at proper feedback and so it comes across negatively.

Oh and 360degree feedback is an awful invention!

marriedinwhiteagain · 04/07/2013 21:38

It cannot ne used against you insofar as your future career is concerned. Most appraisal systems have an appeal procedure so you could challenge it and ask for the nasty comment to be removed. It's a job - go in, do it, use money.

sallysparrow157 · 04/07/2013 21:45

360s are bloody horrible the way they're used in the nhs, an anonymous bitching board with no comeback. I've had loads having been in the nhs for ages, most comments have been nice, generally the critical ones have either been constructive or about a specific occasion someone has been annoyed with me (I refused to re write a prescription when I was on my way to the resus trolley and my 'not right now' may have been a little sharper than it could have been!). I have however had a couple of unpleasant and in my (and people I have spoken to since) opinion not accurate. I remember those far better than the lovely comments!
If it is one bitchy comment amongst 5 years worth of lovely comments, it says far more about the person who made the comment than it does about you. Also, your supervisor will know the people filling your form in and will know if this person has a reputation for being nasty (seeing as they obviously do not agree with the comment it obviously isn't a true reflection of you as part of their job as a supervisor is to find out from your colleagues what they think of your progress)
All of us at some stage will have one nasty bugger say something on a 360, most of us will also have a negative comment that is constructive and helps with our progress. The powers that be, when looking at your appraisal results, will expect this and will look at a general trend, they will take no note of one nasty comment amongst 5 years worth of people telling you you're doing great, don't worry for a moment about that

passmetheprozac · 04/07/2013 21:45

Just how bad is your pmt? If I had that on one of my really 'bad' days I would be floored. Wait until you come on then re think your reaction.

I am not trying to dismiss your feelings, but if your pmt is as bad as mine, well you are not thinking clearly.

Take the day off, chill out. You have been caught on the hop.

Reevaluate in a week. Enjoy the sunshine :)

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