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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the Met spending £5 million on Maddie McCann is unfair on others who have missing children

456 replies

Ilovemyself · 04/07/2013 18:24

I know how retched I would feel if I were in the McCanns position, and would want no expense to be spared in the hunt for answers.

But I can't help but think that this case has been so high profile that other cases must have funding cut or not even be followed up as the budget is limited.

I honestly don't know what the answer is, but it does seem this case has benefitted in ways others wouldn't.

I feel bad for thinking its unfair on others, but just can't help wondering how other victims of serious crime feel.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 16:50

I can't bring myself to read these threads - you wonder what happens to common decency, empathy and sympathy. Parents make mistakes every day and generally get away with it- they are paying for theirs for the rest of their lives- and kicking people when they are down is horrible.
It is like a witch hunt and people ward off evil with 'I would never do that, I am a good mother and therefore it can't happen to my child'.

I have lost all 3 of mine at some point and I was with them at the time. Luckily it was fleeting, but enough to panic. Had I not found them I would have hoped that people would by helpful, sympathetic and not judgmental and cynical about the way I 'presented' myself.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 16:52

It feels perfectly genuine to me noddyholder- and horrible to be an armchair critic when yours are safe.

noddyholder · 06/07/2013 16:57

And it doesn't feel genuine to me. I cannot do anything about that I can't make myself see something I don't. I never commented on the safety aspect I know nothing about that.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/07/2013 16:57

I agree exotic

ExitPursuedByABear · 06/07/2013 16:58

And that exotic is why I am surprised that this thread has not gone poof

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 16:59

You can keep it to yourself noddy and not have it on the Internet where Kate McCann could read it.

noddyholder · 06/07/2013 17:03

I am entitled to my opinion based on what I have seen. I doubt this would bother her tbh compared to some of the more outlandish things said. I have said they present everything like PR exercise and they do. Gerry himself said the fleck in his daughters eye was a 'great marketing ploy' I am commenting on that not how safe or not the resort was. I hope they find her they have certainly exhausted all possibilities it seems so this is their biggest chance with SY turning it from a review to a proper investigation. But money is not unlimited.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:04

Years ago I joined it to say it was a witch hunt and horrible, and it was eventually removed. I have kept off them since and only read enough on here to know that she is still being pilloried. You understand why you get lynch mobs! Truly vile treatment.

soverylucky · 06/07/2013 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noddyholder · 06/07/2013 17:06

I don't think she is being pilloried she has a lot of support too. It is like any of these things people form opinions. I am not sure what you joined etc you've lost me now. Lets hope the truth comes out. and they can move on

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:07

I can't bear to read anymore- luckily I don't have to live with it.
People should be ashamed of themselves. And respond how you wish- I am hiding the thread. I would report it but I expect it comes under MNHQ free speech.

janey68 · 06/07/2013 17:09

Good post plaiedian.
That is exactly what I was getting at.

Some people are just unbelievably naive about this case. They see the pictures of a pretty blond girl, the intelligent professional parents and they just lap up unquestioningly that events must have happened exactly as the parents assume (even though witness accounts are highly inconsistent) , they buy into the whole idea that the Portuguese police are a load of bumbling idiots (while the Met are the pinnacle of competence and integrity!) and they perceive any criticism of the mccanns as equal to people saying they must have harmed their child

It's really frustrating trying to have reasonable debate about it, and the use of public funds , though I have to say MNHQ seems to be taking a more rational approach nowadays and not deleting any post which dares to do anything other than worship the mccanns

I honestly believe if the mccanns had not been so obsessed with trying to maintain public image, it would have done their cause more good. If they had held their hands up and admitted that they were totally irresponsible by leaving their young children unattended, then perhaps they would have been more open to the early investigations and accepted that things like a reconstruction would have helped iron out the natural kind of inconsistencies which occur when a large group of people are tying to recall details.

I wonder whether they were motivated by fear of having their other two children taken away, or prosecution for child neglect, and that's why they were so intent on maintaining the line that they really hadn't been irresponsible. Ultimately it's done their image no good I think.

I think probably the way they come across in interviews is borne out of desperation that their child is missing and like plaiedian says , extreme embarrassment that they left their children; personally I don't think it's anything more sinister but I do think its wrong that they focused so much on trying to retain their image as caring parents.

Once the whole McCann machine had been set in motion, I guess it was a case of building on that image. If (for example) checks on the children hasn't been made as often as the parents claimed (and bear in mind there are inconsistencies in the timings anyway) then you can see why there would have been a reluctance to cooperate with a reconstruction. Whereas in a case where the parents have no underlying feeling that they have been negligent, there would naturally be less fear of cooperating

To return to the OP, these are precisely the reasons underlying many people's unease about huge sums of money being ploughed into this case at the expense of others. There are so many inconsistencies which could have been ironed out earlier if the focus hadn't been so much on PR. there is a limited pot of money. The case has already been given a two year review which other cases haven't had. It has been given more money and more publicity than any other missing person case .... And yet at the heart of the issue, there are still so many fundamental things which don't add up.

And finally to suggest that the Govt involvement and the Met taking it on is not influenced at all by the PR aspect of it is just nuts.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:10

Of course she has support too - that isn't the point. A family are in agony and we are debating it.
(The thing to learn is that if you lose your child don't brush your hair and wear earrings!)
Last word.

noddyholder · 06/07/2013 17:11

Why should I feel ashamed of an opinion. I could say you are OTT in your reaction too just in a different way. I feel desperately sad for teh child and hope there is a good outcome for her

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:12

After Janey's post I shall try reporting it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/07/2013 17:16

Janey

How lovely to be able to theorise about this and imagine you would do anything

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 06/07/2013 17:16

.....differently

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:18

I have reported the thread- we shall see.

janey68 · 06/07/2013 17:19

Agree noddy.
It's just cheap point scoring to try to claim that those of us who make any criticism of the mccanns are uncaring bastards.

I feel desperately sorry for them. I don't believe they harmed their child (that's just my gut feeling obviously- none of us on here can know) I imagine their life is a living hell.
BUT that doesn't mean we somehow owe it to them to gloss over the many inconsistencies, and indulgently say 'spend however many millions it takes to try to help'...
People are entitled to believe that it's not reasonable and equitable use of public funds. And it will be an extremely expensive mistake if the only outcomes from the investigation are ones which could have been discovered earlier, had the mccanns cooperated with the police questioning and reconstruction.

Finally It's irrelevant to bang on about 'there for the grace of god...' And cite all the times little johnnys ran off in the supermarket... FGS these children were routinely left unattended simply because the parents didn't want to use a babysitter or organise their arrangements so that the children in the party had adult supervision

janey68 · 06/07/2013 17:20

Report Away exotic. Like I said, MNHQ have a history of being very protective of the mccanns and I'm amazed the thread is still here! But it would be far more grown up of you to actually have the balls to tell me exactly what I've written which you deem reportable

noddyholder · 06/07/2013 17:22

I think you either think its ok to leave them or not There is no middle which is where the divide in opinion comes from. I wouldn't even leave my passport or phone in an unlocked apartment so I am probably over cautious tbh but I have never criticised them for their decision. My reasons for having dc with me on holiday is because thats what I consider a holiday.

soverylucky · 06/07/2013 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 06/07/2013 17:25

I am writing this in my garden, relaxing in the sun with my DS doing a BBQ and my other DCs safe- it feels very uncomfortable to be writing about a family who have had the worse happen. I would have thought that anyone would have found it uncomfortable- but perhaps we haven't moved on since women sat around the guillotine knitting.
I really will hide and leave it up to MNHQ to judge.

mumofthemonsters808 · 06/07/2013 17:28

Support for Janey's post here, sums up my thoughts.

janey68 · 06/07/2013 17:29

I couldn't give a toss how people are 'supposed ' to act in a crisis and I'm certainly not interested in the sort of baying mob mentality which says mrs McCann didn't look upset enough and remembered to put her earrings on, ergo she must be guilty.

This is about there being inconsistencies in the accounts of events and I imagine after 6 years there's very little chance of resolving those, whereas cooperation with a reconstruction earlier on could have been helpful in addressing those