To stand up to my sister about what my dad wants.

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My Df went to live with my sister from his home town two years ago the town where he lived all his life, due to illness my sister was in a position for him to go and live with her 300 miles away, and he has had a wonderful two years living with her and being cared for wonderfully. I live 200 miles away too.

he is now very very ill in hospital and I have been going to visit him as much as possible this weekend my sister mentioned that when my df died the best for his funereal to be where she lives and dad has lived for two years he would have the faith funeral
he wanted but in her town where she lives.

Now here is the problem my dad has gone to the same church for nearly 80 yrs was school governor at the local primary school for 35 yrs they have a cup named after him, was well known and respected in the community the church was a very important part of his life I feel his wishes were that he would have his funeral there and the mass he wants.
my dis says that it would be really expensive to get him back and that my other dis who lives in the home town wouldn't want to organize his funeral, although I dont live there I do go back and would help arrange it.
The money shouldn't be a problem as dad would have made arrangements I really just think that is what he wants we cant ask him as he is too ill, I am the youngest and find it difficult to stand up to my diss and seem to get railroaded in what they want. I really appreciate that she has cared for him so well in the last two years but feel I need to stand up for what my dad would have wanted.

I feel this needs to be sorted as emotions are already very high due to my dads illness and it would be more diffcult when he dies.

Difficult, if your dad hadn't discussed his wishes before with the family and he is too ill to do it now.

Are you sure he didn't " arrange everything" when he became ill 2 years ago? You said your were sure he would have done?

you were

yabu your ds has looked after df for 2 years, I think that should give her the main choice.
last year my du died and my 2 cousins had exactly the same situation they fell out big time and havent spoken since. Its really not worth the argument, it wont make any difference to df.

Can you not have a quiet ceremony in his current town and a memorial service and reception in his home town later?

You don't know what he wanted. What you feel isn't fact. I'd leave it to your sister, she's being sensible.

have the funeral in sister home town, family event,

then have a memorial service a little while later in his home town.

Cant cant say that it would be his choice to have his funeral in his old home town as he has never told you that is what he wants.

In default of any instruction being left by him then i do think your sister should have the final say in the funeral as she has been the one caring for him.

Very sorry for what you are going through. Have the funeral in your sister's town then you arrange a Memorial Service in his Home Town for a later date.

Was you thinking of him being buried in his home town church ? As I would ask first as sometimes they only allow people from the parish... I wanted DH buried in the village where he used to spend a lot of time but as we dont live there he had to go to the parish cemetry (which is miles away, village only a mile). They might make exception due to his history.

Arrange a memorial/remembrance service in the old town.
They don't need his coffin to celebrate his life, they really don't.
And when its over and he's laid to rest, where is it better for him to be in terms of loved ones tending?

So sorry about your dad.

A memorial service later would also give the school time to plan some involvement and more people to attend from church, if that's something you'd like.

As above - a memorial service is a fine idea.

Also, remember that your dad took the decision to cut physical ties with the place 'where he had lived all his life', went to your sister's and had - as you say - a wonderful two years there. I'm not so sure he would mind having a service there as well.

Very sorry for what you are going through.

Meant to say that fighting about this is really only about distracting yourselves from the pain of the situation. Don't fall out over this, its sortable and you need each other.

Thankyou for your reply's I would never want to fall out of this as really appreciate all my sister has done for my dad as I couldn't have due to my circumstances.
I think the best is then a funeral and mass in his faith where he lived the last two years close family and friends will travel.
and then arrange a memorial service in our old home town where lots more people can come.
I just wish I didnt have to think of this at all just want whats best for my lovely dad

We did just that under very similar circumstances - except that he had told us that was what he wanted. It worked really well and both ceremonies were lovely. I actually preferred the later memorial, held 6 months down the line as I hate funerals and it meant by that stage the grief was less raw. It ended up being a lovely celebration of his life and quite a few people who had not been able to make the first service were able to make the second.

Hiya, sorry you are going through this. My dad died last year. I know he hated the thought of being cremated, but that's what my mum organised and tbh I think she made her decision partly on cost. I felt a bit bad but I understood my mums reasons and the fact she was married to him for 50 odd years and looked after him for the last 5 years, I figured that her feelings were most important, maybe even a little bit more important than his wishes which unfortunately by the time he died he had forgotten.