Would you be pissed off about this?

[DonnaMoss]

Please go easy on me, I am terribly hormonal (pregnant) and I want to go ballistic about this but not sure if Im overreacting.

Dd (aged 4) goes to nursery at the local primary school and will start reception there in Sept. She started nursery in Sept last year and due to work etc, we have to rely on a childminder and MIL to pick her up on set days. School were notified when DD started, who would fetch her on which day and it has worked really well.

Up until 4 weeks ago. Childminder had to have surgery and so for the last 4 weeks we have had to rally the troops so to speak. My mum had a week off, I had a week off and we have relied on good friends to collect Dd from school. (Please dont flame me for having to work, I have to work and so does DH) MIL has been ace and done more pick ups for us too.

On Monday this week I sent a note in dd's bag to say that dd's godmother would be collecting her Monday and Tuesday. I got home Monday night and the note was still in the bag and all the teacher had said to godmother upon collection was "who have you come to collect?" before handing Dd over. No questions around who are you etc. Ive no way of knowing if the note was read as it was returned to us.

Dh had a word at drop off on Tuesday and was basically fobbed off. They said they keep all the notes on file and noted his concern but that was that.

Well, its happened again today with FIL doing the pick up. Todays note still in the bag and no questions. FIL does go with MIL now and again for pick ups but does that mean its ok to just hand her over when MIL isnt there?

So as not to drip feed, they had a new teacher at Easter so maybe she is still learning the ropes but surely this is basic child protection? Also I may be looking at this a bit OTT as we have nasty estranged family members who I would never allow near my Dd.

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Can you agree a password with the teacher so that they know who is allowable?

Yes I think thats the next step, Dh and I talked about doing that, then we would know if they have read the notes! But should I raise it again with school?

That is terrible. At my niece's school they have a password system. My sister will notify the school if someone is picking her up then you have to give the code when you get there. Just to hand the child over to any random person is awful.

They should not be handing your Dd over to random people so YANBU to be concerned BUT, on collection it would be obvious that your daughter knows her Godmother, Grandfather and is aware that they are picking up that day.
Putting notes in bags rarely works at that age. You need to phone them and speak to the office and ask for the message to be passed on.
I would speak to the Headteacher and explain what has happened and say that their safeguarding procedure doesn't seem to be working.

I think this is normal - my DDs frequently went home with friends' parents at short notice and I never thougt to inform the school that someone new would be picking them up. Maybe I'm too laid back, but I'd prefer it that way. What would happen otherwise, if you were unable to pick up a DC at short notice, and the school refused to let them go home with anyone else??

They are definitely very strict about this with my DS's nursery and only release him to known carers unless told otherwise. I heard them stopping someone from collecting the other night until they had telephoned the parents because they didn't know the person and hadn't been informed. They also stopped one of the other nursery parents from picking up a different child as well as her own.

I would be very concerned if they weren't even checking who people were. You shouldn't be putting notes in bags though. Speak to the teachers yourself.

I take your point about the bags, although in a morning children hand their bags to the teacher so as she can empty them and put in newsletters etc to send back to us. We had to buy the bag from school, its specifically for communication etc. Sorry, I didnt make that very clear.

At my ds's school they ask the child if they know the person collecting them.

If you are worried, it may be worth a mention. It could be that they have checked with your dd to ensure she knows the person doing the school pick up. In my situation, that would be good enough for me. I've never had help with drop off or pick up outside DJ and school out of house club. It sounds like your short term alternative care is quite complicated. I think a note to explain different people will be helping out and that your dd will know who it is.

Do speak to them about safeguarding.

They need to tighten up.

Our nursery does passwords.

The other week one of the staff refused to hand over a child until they went and phoned the parent to check all was ok.

I think given that it has been a patchwork of people picking up, the nursery are going to be used to the idea that it will be an unfamiliar (to them) face and at 4, your DD is old enough to show if she knows the person or not. They may want to tighten their procedures to meet official regs but on a practical level it seems ok to me to be honest.

You are expecting too much.

If you want to be certain that a message has got to the teacher, then you need to speak to the teacher! Or at least phone the office. You cannot reasonably expect a teacher to spend every morning looking through thirty book bags.

I'm a TA, we send stuff home in the book bags and we check the book bags when we are expecting something to be in it, like when we ask for permission slips to be signed, but we have young children to see to before we have time to rifle through every bit of paper that gets left in book bags by children and parents to check for notes.

If you have concerns about family members you don't want near your dd, then it's your responsibility to tell the nursery staff about it.

Perhaps your dd told the staff that she was going home with grandad so they didn't need to question it. Maybe they know that there are going to be different people picking up at the moment so they weren't as strict as they usually are.

YANBU to be concerned and raise the issue, however, given your circumstances (nasty, estranged family members) I do think YABU to have just put a note in your child's bag.

Surely speaking to a member of staff in person, or at the very least phoning and speaking to their key carer would be a more appropriate way of ensuring a very important message gets to the right person at the right time?

Absolutely what clouds said, can't believe you risked the note in bag method twice!

Unless there is a home-school log which is definitely read every day, you must either speak to them face to face or by phone (if you trust that message!)
Book bags aren't always opened.