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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Upsetting content - young mother and baby lay dead undiscovered for 'weeks'. Sad indictment of society today?

56 replies

Lionessy · 04/07/2013 13:53

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2355234/Mother-27-history-depression-month-old-baby-daughter-dead-home-seen-weeks.html

Of course, assumptions are being made but the poor woman was known to suffer from blinding headaches and had been rushed to hospital on at least one occasion. Nobody checked on her until she had'nt been seen for 'weeks'.

Poor baby may have died of starvation due to mother dying first. What a terrifying thought.

Should we just pass this off as 'these things happen' or should we as a community be more 'nosy' and show an interest in our fellow human beings at the risk of causing upset and being told where to get off.

I just find this unbelievable and very, very scary .

OP posts:

Owllady · 04/07/2013 17:47

sorry but I thought the same as hopalong, where was the dad fgs. me

halcyondays · 04/07/2013 17:50

You would have thought the baby's father would have had a bit more contact and realised something was wrong.

secondchances · 04/07/2013 17:50

The dad could have been away at work? On holiday? Don't jump to conclusions. That's not your place to judge when you don't know the facts!,

OctopusPete8 · 04/07/2013 17:55

That is awful, I can't think of anything else to say just awful

TigOldBitties · 04/07/2013 18:00

Yes I wondered about the father too. Even if he was working away you'd think he would expect to hear from them.

Also I just told DH of this case and the first thing he says about the depression is says who? Is it from a confirmed source or are they just speculating?

SaucyJack · 04/07/2013 18:07

YABU. Six weeks isn't that long to not see someone, especially if you don't get on.

Very sad tho.

TheRealFellatio · 04/07/2013 18:09

I think for the average 27 year old with a new baby 6 weeks is a really long time for no-one to notice or care that you are nowhere to be seen.

TheRealFellatio · 04/07/2013 18:11

And even for the not so average 27 year old. Did she have NO friends, NO partner, NO family member in contact, NO colleagues, NO good neighbours, NO GP/HV commitments where they were keeping an eye on her obvious issues? Not even ONE of those?

TheRealFellatio · 04/07/2013 18:13

second he was onbviously a totally absent father. What kind of a man does not contact the mother of his new baby for 6 whole weeks, unless he is not involved in their lives?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 04/07/2013 18:15

I grew up in a dysfunctional family which I left at the age of 17. I moved away to start my own life I knew very few people in my new area, actually scratch that, I knew no-one. If it hadn't been for the fact I worked I could've lain dead for a very long time before anyone missed me. The first person to come hammering on my door would've probably been my landlord demanding unpaid rent. I am not alone in my life experience so it is probably more common than we like to think for some young people today.

SaucyJack · 04/07/2013 18:16

I have plenty of friends who I wouldn't assume has topped themselves if I hadn't heard from them in six weeks.

TheRealFellatio · 04/07/2013 18:19

But hell you are speaking from the POV of a young, single, childless woman, and I agree it would be easy to go undiscovered for days if you had a job, and weeks if you didn't.

But we are talking about a woman with a baby, and two other children. There are all sorts of other people automatically involved there.

TheRealFellatio · 04/07/2013 18:20

Not to mention a history of depression and two children who have either formally or informally been removed from her care. There was a failure in the system somewhere here.

thebody · 04/07/2013 18:24

Jessica, that's a sad post lovely, I know we are online but some mumsnetters do meet up and am sure there's a group near you?

Op very very sad. Poor girl and poor baby.

forevergreek · 04/07/2013 20:19

Real - apart from dh we can go weeks without seeing anyone if working from home. Friends not in area, family not close etc.

I was home with 15 month old and newborn for 10 days when dh had to go elsewhere, we did tell my parents but no one actually called to check we were ok in that time. Ds2 was 6days. Never had hv/ doctor/ any other professional call either. I think it's more common than we think

aldiwhore · 04/07/2013 20:26

It's an utter tragedy.

I'm not sure it's a sign of the times or a sad indictment of society today, but rather society in general. Not because people don't care enough to break down a door, but that there are people in such desperate need in the first place.

I live in a close knit small village, yet I can go weeks and weeks without seeing anyone, or at the very least, successfully ignoring people's knocks.

I'm not sure what the answer would have been for this poor family, perhaps the HV's concern should have been raised, perhaps she could have involved the police, but how many times would she/he been in that situation of being ignored at the door... they have no power of entry. I ignored my HV successfully... would a legal responsibility to answer a HV's knock make things better or would it be punishing the masses for the sake of the few?

I did not get on well with my HV the second time around, she and I had VERY different views, I found her too much opinion and not enough 'duty'.... I requested no more visits, she visited, I was either out of hiding behind the sofa. Surely, that's my right?

Therefore I do not know the answer other than this is an absolutely utterly gutwrenchingly tragic story.

escape · 04/07/2013 20:30

It happened to my mum.
Found on Friday dead in bed at 6pm .
Last spoken to the preceding Monday tea time..
No cause of death ascertainable due to length of time before found..
Heartbreaking, undignified, just , indescribable really.

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 04/07/2013 20:31

Even if you didn't physically see anyone, surely people would call and wonder why you weren't answering repeatedly or even why you hadn't been on FB?

escape · 04/07/2013 20:35

Not that simple HopALongOn with some people..

AmyFarrahFowlerCooper · 04/07/2013 20:48

What people hopalong? If you have few friends, dont know the neighbours, have fallen out with family and no professional involvement, who else is there?

CalamityJ · 04/07/2013 21:43

Not being missed for 6 weeks is terrible to think of. Poor, poor baby.

CalamityJ · 04/07/2013 21:44

So sorry to hear that escape

minouminou · 04/07/2013 21:49

This is unbearably sad.
I'm hoping it turns out to be carbon monoxide and that they both passed at the same time, peacefully. The alternative is just harrowing.

thebody · 04/07/2013 21:55

Escape, we found our beloved fil, he had died on a Wednesday and we found him on Friday.

Not at all neglectful but the actual thought if him dying alone( and it would have been quick) is very upsetting.

You obviously loved your mum but didn't expect her to die.

Don't beat yourself up as she wouldn't want you to would she?

edam · 04/07/2013 22:10

Desperately sad, especially for her surviving children. Let's hope it was carbon monoxide and it took them both peacefully in their sleep.

I'm sure if the baby had been crying unattended, the neighbours would have heard and would have done something about it.

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