To consider donating my eggs in the USA...

[mrspuddleduckie]

...because any resulting children won't be handed my details when they reach their eighteenth birthday?

This is something I always thought I would do when I'd had all the children that I wanted to within my own family, but I am not comfortable donating and then potentially having a child try and get in touch after 18 years.
I want to help a couple, anonymously, and then leave them alone to enjoy their lives and vice versa.

There are people in my family who disapprove for religious reasons (not DH, obv, he is supportive) so I would want to do this quietly and privately and not worry about people finding out 18 years on as well

Has anyone else donated in the USA?

The reason the law was changed is that many children of donor eggs/sperm or closed adoption stated that it was very, very hard to come to terms with never knowing anything about their biological parents.

Not everyone feels this way. If you don't then maybe none of the children born of your eggs will but it's a gamble. Of course if they do find it traumatic you will never know....

Personally, I wouldn't. I know two children born from anonymous donor sperm, both boys in their teens. Both are finding the not knowing really difficult to deal with, much to their parents horror. Of course, this may be related to their ages so hopefully they will come to terms with it because it can't be undone (the decision to use an anonymous donor).

What actually happens when you donate eggs? I've been thinking about doing this for a while, but I'm aware that, at almost 35, I'm reaching the upper age limit.

itsnotahoover pm me and I will tell you about the process if you like? :)

I totally agree that you need to think about the children's wishes in the future. It's not really a selfless act if you are unwilling to take their feelings into account.

The rules were changed for a reason. And I feel that children in this situation absolutely should have the right to at least try to contact their donor parents.

We have a DS conceived using a male donor. I feel happy that we can answer all his questions as they arise - I will never need to shrug my shoulders and say, you know what, we don't know and never will.

It just makes me feel a bit uneasy and I much prefer the American idea of either choosing an open or closed arrangement and that's the end of it - it's very clear

And when does the child get to choose whether THEY want an open arrangement or not? Given, you know, that they are the ones who wind up living with most of the consequences of the decisions made by the parents/donors. Oh no wait - they don't. Why? Do you care about the child who is created by the way? Because it doesn't make much sense that you would care enough about the infertile parents to go through the whole process of donation for them, and yet NOT care enough about the child to give them what all children should rightly have.

Your involvement can end there, you don't have to actually ever meet the child or anything if you don't want to. No one has the right to talk to or meet another human. But the child has a right to know whose genes make them up, and a full medical history is also extremely important.

Basically, children are more important than adults and their best interests should be coming in as top priority. If you can't put a childs best interests first, then why are you creating a child?

And I do know that in the case of the parents, sometimes they don't really have a free choice about their donors, and they might have to go in one direction if the law, location, finances force them that way. But if the law allows a donor to be openID then the donor does have a free choice

mrp - the sperm donors do write a letter, yes.

itsnotahoover it's basically IVF without the last bit (putting the embryos back in) so if you search you will find loads of information on various websites about the IVF process.