To move my ds's to a different school?

[SilveryMoon]

Posting here because I want an honest opinion. I'm not sure if I'm over-reacting.
I'll try to give the whole story now, so I won't have anything else to say and can just take on others opinions.

Right ds1 is just finishing year 1.
His reception year went ok overall. I had some trouble trying to get him to complete homework, we did some, but not all. I had a conversation with the teacher about this and she said that it would be ok for me to mark that we attempted it.
She was lovely, very friendly and very positive about ds1 in general. She did tell us that he was slightly below average in some areas, but not to be overly concerned as he was above average in others. His end of year report relected this and e were happy.
He then goes into year 1 and we attend the parents evening in October where we are told that he is an entire year behind where he should be, he has been flagged up as a cause for concern and receives extra support.
Ok. I told the teacher I was very surprised to hear that because of what i was lead to believe at the end of the previous year.
Y1 teacher said she will send some flash cards home with high frequency words and we will begin on raising his reading.
Ok, I am on board. She sends home 5 words, me, be, we, she and he. e have them for an entire halfterm despite me on a number of occasions telling her he reads them upside down and can me have more.
I tell her that I am fully on board with supprting him at home nd would appreciate some week-by-week guidance on what to look at. Nothin in response.
We go to the next parents evening to be told that he is improving, but there is a hell of a lot of work left to be done. I asked her what further interventions have been put into place and she said nothing, he attends a TA lead phonics group and she could not fully anser my question on how this impacts on his learning, because when I requested to see some of his work, she was still very negative about it.
i called for a meetin g with the head to discuss my concerns. She was very good, she said she will look into ds1's file but that after looking at his progress trajectory, he was on track for finidh y2 as average so there was no need to be overly concerned at this stage.
I told her that that is not the impresion his teacher has given me and i was disappointed with her negativity.
We then had an incident with ds1's glasses being misplaced. We were told we could go to school to look for them ourselves and on arrival, the ta said "can't you just get him another pair?"
I e-mailed the head to tell her of my shock at how we were wspoken to on this occasion.
I was invited in to a meeting with the head and the class teacher (had also raised some other concerns relating to ds1's academics). The class teacher told some outright lies in this meeting, saying she didn't hear the comment about the glasses, which she did. She was standing closer to the TA than I was.
Then when I told her that I was disappointed that I didn't get any guidance on how to help ds1 at home and that in fact the last time I asked she told me to google curriculum plans. This she heavily denied in front of the head.
At the end of the meeting, she agreed to give some guidance on what to look at at home, and to ensure he actually gets his himework and spellings to practice every week (as this seemed inconsistant)
We agreed to meet 3 weeks later to discuss how this wwas going. 2 weeks later, she had not done these things, so I e-mailed the head again to tell her this and said that I felt mine and the teachers relationship was permanently damaged due to her not being truthful in the meeting and not doing what she agreed to. i also stated that i didn't see the point in having the follow up meeting as no one is going to stick to what they say or be truthful (immature maybe) so I was not going to attend.
I got no response from this.
Now, they have mixed up the classes for next year. ds1 has been taken away from his friends and left in a class with the bullies and troublemakers.
I have requested a meeting/telephone converstaion with the head and the office staff said they'd get back to me. This was tuesday. Thismorning I called to chase it up, they said she is backed up ith meetings and they have not seen her.
I do not want ds1 to spend another year with the troublesome kids. Surely these children will take all the teachers attention and my ds will slip through the net again whilst he's quiet happy to laugh at the clowns.
Next years teacher will be a newly appointed one too so won't know the school.
If I don't get a response from the head, what else can I do? Contact govenors? Will they listen to my issues? will they be able to move my ds to a different nclass or should I just pull him out and get him in somewhere else?

Wow, that was long. If anyone's got to this point, thank you very much, and please be honest in any response

To be blunt and honest we moved our kids as the school wasn't good and managed by a fool.
The new school is a longer journey, longer day but 10 times better, don't suffer the poor standards, don't even bother to fight them, move your children

Thanks zumo Thanks for reading that mammoth post and for being honest

You are not over reacting and you should move him IMO.
The most appalling part of your account for me is that when challenged by you they have lied, I have encountered this at my son's old school and was also shocked. I find it hard to comprehend so called professionals who work with children who will easily lie to cover their tracks. Why work with children if you have such a poorly tuned moral compass.
My son changed schools & has not looked back. Good schools don't operate in this way. Accept that you can't change them or the system but take him out & find him a better environment.
TBH...how could his current situation be worse? the staff lie, the teaching is poor, communication is poor & they don't manage discipline in the school. Sounds very reminicent of the situation we were in.

If its possible I definitely would. This school sounds lousy. If your son is a whole year behind why dont they put him in a SEN class? My son started in year 1 (missed reception) and because he was a year behind he had some lessons with the SEN teacher and caught up by year 2.

I personally wouldnt worry about the upheaval for him. Is he generally outgoing? At that age I think they make new friends easily. Besides if he has been moved away from his friends already it wont make any difference. My son has been to 3 schools in years 1,2 and 3 due to moving area and he has never worried.

I wouldnt bother with governors if you can just move him. Especially if the teachers just outright lie.

Thank you. I will look into it. The immature angry part of me wants to tell them just how I feel, how angry I am and how disappointed.
However, ds2 is just finishing the nursery and will start their reception in September and he is FLYING! We are very happy with his teacher, she is wonderful. He really is shinning, he is reading already and at the last parents evening, we were told he was already at the level he needed to be when he finishes reception! ill be painful to have to lift him out too

Ok, so now I need to find out how to go about it. Do I contact schools individually or do I need to go through the local authority?

Its not immature at all. Id be fuming, its such a let down. Id definitley tell them why I was taking the boys out. Thats a real shame about ds2. Wont he eventually meet the same teacher though? And since you got nowhere with the head it doesnt sound well managed.

If you decide to swap first look for the school and pick which one you want, it not guaranteed they would have places mid term

Move him.

I've been there and done that.

Similar to you I was told in Yr1 my DS needed an IEP/extra support but they then seemed affronted when I questioned times when the support just didn't happen and the lack of feedback.

Like you I ended up going to endless meetings and eventually realised they had no interest in addressing my concerns,and they were paying lip service to them by having a meeting and then eye rolling and carrying on as usual when I left. I decided I could endure 4 more years of pointless battling or just recognise it was futile and find somewhere else.

I moved him at start of Yr 2. It's been great, he's happy, sociable And made good progress.

If you do move him beware of 'Outstanding' schools. in my opinion they're great at the paperwork ie filling in the forms for SEN but often crap at actually addressing it, can have poor attitudes to SEN in general and a dismissive attitude towards parents, often arrogant of an oversubscribed popular school.

Judge a school on its ethos and attitudes and not it's ofsted rating which is about paperwork.

Move them. I wouldn't think twice.

Silvery your DS2 would probably go through the school without any issues. As he easily fits their mould. We had an older DD at the same school. Our DS who'd had no issues.

It's only when your child has some issues you find out how good the school really is.

We moved our DS and left our DD as she only had another yea to go and was happy there. It was a bit awkward, but what was best for both DC.

Your DS2 sounds like the sort of child who will do well anywhere so don't worry too much about moving him too.

Move . When we moved our daughter we just rang schools we liked to see if they had places in the year we wanted . Your issue may be getting into reception so you may end up with them at different schools until a place comes up for your younger son . If that's the case I'd still move the older one . Each year that goes by just leaves more catching up to do .

i had the same problem with ds1. i moved him the end of year 1.

was told he was very far behind, was in trouble every day over small things. the head was a nasty woman.

moved him, and hes caught up in everything, his teachers is lovely, no longer in trouble. was on numorouse ieps. when i had my first parents evening. other then the iep for writing and spelling she couldnt understand why he was on them. she also flagged up that he most likely has dyslixa and is being tested.

move schools. you will wish youd done it earlier.

im not sure if its a good idea to tell them angrly why you are moving him, as teachers tallk to each other and may cause bad feeling at the next school. but a letter simply stating that you dont think they are helping him and bad comunication is to blame.

Thanks guys.
I've just dropped ds2 at nursery because ds1 is off sick today (I work full time so don't normally get to go to the school) and I went to the office to do the whole "I'm here now and she'll see me bit" before I said anything the receptionist said "Monday 4pm"
I'll go to that and tell the head to move him or I will and will start now to look at other schools.
Thank you all for your reassurance and stories, had been a relief to see I'm not overreacting.

I think your relationship with the school is beyond the point of repair at this stage. I would definitely move my child in your situation.

If they fail to change his class, I would move him but at the same time write to the given ears and ofsted and he LEA to explain that your son has been failed. In fact write to the governors what ever you decide.

It sounds like you should move him. The problem that you have is that you do not know what other schools are going to be like for him, so I guess it is a stab in the dark in some ways.

I know that it is not for some, depending on circumstances etc but we moved our child to a private school with smaller classes and a really lovely atmosphere where they are very supportive of the kids and the kids of each other. They have bought him on leaps and bounds.
If money is an issue don't be put off as they may be able to offer you a bursary - we were amazingly lucky.

I would say that your relationship with the school is difficult. This could also impact on your ds2 so it's not really fair on either of them.
I've had a similar story with my ds1.

• His YR teacher went from saying he had significant problems, to he was ok and then Y1 'he has made a lot of progress' (ie. he learned diddly squat in Reception). He is still a little behind as far as the class goes, although on track to get 'average' SAT scores.
• There are kids with far 'worse' issues in the class so he has slipped through the net somewhat. I remember having a really positive parents' evening and then finding out (from my ds) that my ds was the last child in the entire class to have reached a 'gold' traffic light. So, if things were so great - why was this? I kept my mouth shut as I think he was just overlooked but sometimes things don't match up.
• He has some real learning problems and only after much pushing have I had an OT assessment and some treatment, which covers some of it, but not all of it by any means. We have also had no specific help for things to do at home. I have done my own stuff, though not too much as I don't want to overload him.

Basically, what I am saying is, you need to work with the school, you need to manage them and not expect them to be really pro-active because you will be unlikely to get that anywhere (you just need to go on some of the boards on here to see how much the parents have to do for kids with any additional needs). I have become friendly with the head and the deputy over the past 3 years (sometimes through biting my tongue), which helps now in terms of getting him the help he needs.

I think if you have a choice of a school which is just as good or better, then I would go there. There are bad teachers and bad TA's everywhere though. Remember for the future to try and keep the head at least on your side. It's very hard for head teachers to be 'against' their staff so it is better if things are not turned into confrontations.

To be honest, I would have been annoyed about the glasses comment, but let it go over my head.

I would move if I were you. I teach Year R to Year 2 and think the lack of consistency in what you were told could initially be put down to a different approach of teachers. However, the rubbish response when you were given words to learn that were NEVER changed is pathetic and really a sign that they don't know what they are doing or can't really be bothered. We give our parents huge amounts of info and advice along with homework activities to support the children's learning.

I don't really think the glasses thing would upset me. My Dd used to lose hers regularly and I never thought that was down to the school.

Judging by what you say about next year and your worries for his new class/teacher I would move him. A fresh start for you all is probably what you need. Good luck!

Thank you again, everyone.
Marigold I completely understand what you're saying. I often have emotional responses to situations which then obviously affects my ability to deal with them.
I am a TA. I work at a SEN school. My ds's school know this and always try to fob me off with "you understand how difficult this is" and "you know how things are in a classroom" and comments to that effect. The last time I spoke to the head I told her that the last thing I wanted was to be a pain, but that I was concerned about my son's progress, and whilst I would try to show my nderstanding of the difficulties of their jobs, I was attending these meetings as a parent.
I said I didn't want to look back and think that I'd not done enough and that I had failed him and I hope they understand that I just want to make sure my son gets the support he needs.
I feel I am very diplomatic (sometimes to the point where I talk myself out of having a problem), and I have never raised my voice or gone into a meeting cold and angry. I'm close though.
I know of one other parent who has been up to the school and made an official complaint about this teacher for the exact same issues I have. I also know of another 2 who feel the same as I do.

I don't want my son to spend another year with the boy who introduced him to the word 'paki' or the boy who talks of knives and 'dying' people, or the boy who at least once a week throws my son (and others) to the floor, or the boy who punches girls, or the boys who in my ds's words are "bullies and really silly and naughty but it's funny"

The thing that wound me up about the glasses was that it was the last day of term and I had out a note in his bag to ask if the teacher could remind him to bring them home because I didn't want to go 2 weeks without them at home.
When I called to say they weren't in his bag I was told "there're not here. He didn't bring them in this morning"
I said "because he didn't bring them home yesterday"
She tutted and told me we could come and look for them ourselves.
We got there and he couldn't remember where he'd last had them which is when the ta made her comment.
maybe she didn't mean it in the way I took it, and i know she'd have had the ump and just wanted to go home, but on top of other things, I was really cross.

I'm a teacher and without doubt this has been horrendously handled and I'd be withdrawing him now, not for next year. I'd also let the governors and lea know why.

My ds was bullied in p3 and it only took us once taking him in first thing and saying how unhappy we were to get the bully (not him) removed from his class and sanctions put in place. They were exceptionally accommodating over the 2 years dd2 was in a wheelchair. We had a bit of a "facedown" over dd1 p7 class, but worked out well in the end.

A school should listen and respond quickly and appropriately. It is never all right for a teacher to lie. Totally unprofessional. If I lied I'd expect a report to the GTC Scotland about it.

Poor wee thing. Sounds like he's trying really hard, and the support isn't there!

I could have written this myself. School said no problems. Then suddenly identified them then did nothing. Dd moving in Sept. We're having to pay sadly as all good local schools full.

I moved my son when he was 7, due to bullies. The school handled it very badly. They kept my son in at break time, thus punishing him and not the bully! In the end I lost all faith in the school so I moved him. Great decision. He thrived after that.

Thanks Weegie This is the thing, about unprofessional conduct.
A child in my class went home without his hat one day. His mum came in and said X was beside himself and could we look for it. I said of course. If I had told her to just go buy him another one, I'd be hung drawn and quartered by my head! Ok, the children I work with are ASD and the loss of favoured items is very traumatic for them so I expect this is taken more seriously than that of a mainstream child in a mainstream school and what with there being so many children to a class, I know that ds1 needs to take responsibility for his poccessions.
I have no way to prove what she said to me in terms of the googling curriculum plans, my word against hers.
We also had a bit of a strained conversation about IEP's. She insisted that ds1 had one, and I questioned why it wasn't sent home, because I would have needed to see it and co-sign it before they could work from it. She told me that was not the case and parents aren't informed of targets that their children are on.
I told her that I work with IEP's daily and that I kno exactly what they are, what they are for and the process of implementing one. She continued to insist he had one and I didn't need to see it. The head of SENco then called me to tell me I was right and that the teacher had misunderstood his individual targets to be that of IEP and that ds1 was not at the stge of having an IEP but just personalised targets that were classroom contained.
Must dash to collect ds2 now. BBL