To feel very stressed out about the amount of mess that my dd makes?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I have always found the amount of mess that my dd (now 5 years old) makes extremely stressful. It started with the huge amount of washing when she was a baby and got worse as she strated ''exploring''! Plus all the toys everywhere, painting and craft mess, sticky finger marks on walls and piles of dirty washing etc.
I know that everyone says ''lower your standards'' but I find it a constant battle to keep the house in an even acceptable state of affairs. I rent and I'm a single mum and they do periodic inspections so if I didn't clean the house my landlord wouldn't be happy and I don't want to live in a mess.
I don't want a show home, I just want to be able to relax and enjoy my dd without her spilling something, getting all her toys out everywhere, pulling cushions and throws of chairs, breaking things and making things dirty.
IMO opinion , it is the most stressful part of parenting; the constant drudgery sucks the joy out of parenting and makes me feel snappy and resentful.
I work 25-30 hours a week so I can't stay home and do house work 24/7.
I am having a massive clear out at the moment. I am going to try and start a reward chart to encourage dd to help tidy things as at the moment she says she won't help as she hates tidying. It's really getting me down and making me feel resentful. In fact it's probably ruining my relationship with dd and I just want to enjoy her and relax.

I have no suggestions to make, just wanted to say you're not alone. I'm a single Mum to two children and the mess they make drives me crazy.

I feel like I'm spending all my time nagging at them to tidy up after themselves.

Today my DD who is 4 years old, trampled grass all over the carpet, messed toys up everywhere and dropped a bottle of juice onto the floor. This was all done after I'd just finished cleaning the house from top to bottom.

She then got some spaghetti and broke it into tiny little pieces all over the floor. I actually cried with frustration (disclaimer I'm actually having a terrible day today anyway for other reasons which is probably why the spaghetti incident reduced me to tears!)

I can't handle mess either. Rules which mine have grown up with are

• food only at the kitchen table.
• drinks on the table so minimise spillage
• wash hands/face as soon as finished eating.
• arts/crafts at table only and no glitter ever
• toy storage is key and put away properly when they are done with.

The place isn't spotless but it isn't too bad usually.

I rarely go to bed with a messy house - no matter how tired I am at night i know I hate getting up to last nights dirty dishes !

Now if you find a way to reduce the washing please let me know

I completely understand, I have two who between them can cover the front room in toys and food crumbs within minutes.

My eldest is 4, she tidies up toys. Periodically throughout the day I will say tidy up time and if she isn't playing with it anymore it gets tidied up by her straight away. She will also hoover without the heavy pole attached. I make her wipe the table too.

She makes dens and takes her gazillion bloody soft toys off her bed and brings them all to the front room, but at least she will then play quietly without talking at me incessantly.

I try to keep on top, but TBH until the 16 month old is in bed it will never be tidy.

Star chart sounds like a good plan, they have to help tidy in school so why not at home?

Hi there, So I'm not alone then? I know a bit of mess is healthy for them and mud pies are great etc....unless you are the one who has to clear up after them 24/7!

Im lazy so I have the rules too like alk eating at the kitchen table inc snacks and drinks. Art stuff again is only at the kitchen table. They can make as much toy mess as they like but we spend 30mins before bed putting all toys in toy boxs in bedroom and sittingroom or they dont get bedtime stories.

I feel your pain, I really do. Not everyone can tolerate living amongst clutter and mess. I know it drives me mad too. Its got a little easier now Dd is at school. However I still have a very busy almost 2 year old whose life's work is undoing all my hard work tidying.
Its like painting the forth bridge really, its never finished.
I think there is a happy medium to be found somewhere between not caring at all and being a complete control freak!

Does she get your attention when she makes a mess ...even if it's negative?That might be your answer.

Ignore,ignore,ignore the mess for a week.At random times,point out and praise the behaviour you want..eg if she doesn't make a mess doing something,make sure she sees your happiness with her.

A lot of what you have described is solvable..messy/spillable stuff only to be used at kitchen table,and the rugs/cushions etc are sorted within 2 mins if the doorbell rings.

I really echo chocos rules. Getting rid of food crumbs and spills does cut down on the tidying up. As does restricted place for arts and crafts (and playdough)

Also, at 5, she can put her toys away, so after dinner, 15 minutes of putting away before bath. (too tired and hungry before dinner) That is easier if there are specific places - all the dollies in the buggy, all the cars in this box etc

Food/drink in the kitchen and no TV until toys all away.

There is still shouting and nagging but the house is relatively tidy

Wait until she is 13.

I know this is an unpopular view but in my opinion a lot of children just have far too many toys - you have to be super strict and just not allow the crap stuff into your home. I am lucky as for whatever my reason my DS just wasn't particularly interested in lots of toys - of course I don't know if this was because I just didn't allow the level of toys to accumulate or he genuinely wasn't keen on toys but I used to be amazed when visiting other children to see the volume of stuff they were 'allowed'. If we were give too much stuff it went straight to the charity shop .

I agree with you Ragwort but she does have far too many toys; trouble is therre is a wierd sentimental value attched to many of them and I would feel like a meany giving them away.

Divide her toys up in different boxes,take a new one out each day and alternate them.But only when the place is kept tidy enough (you'll have to settle for tidy enough,it will never be perfect when you have a normal healthy child living there)

I can't stand mess either - I spent a mad hour chasing my 2yr old round the playroom tidying up one thing while he tipped out the next box. He was like a demon possessed!

I have a 5yr old and it does seem to be too late to smuggle toys out the house to the charity shop/2nd hand sale. He has a party on Saturday so we'll get a pile of more toys to fit into the house somewhere.
I spend all day sending my 3yr old back to tidy things he's finished with, in the hope that my 2yr old will take a hint and do the same.

Zoning things, rationing and de-cluttering helps. My nemesis is breakfast cereal on the floor. It's like Groundhog Day. A ball pit is good for containing a messy toy like duplo in a smaller area (I have a 2yr old)

.. you know sometimes you should just let these things go...

I was adamant that my son wouldn't have playdough, glitter, paints - as I just couldn't bear the cleaning up afterwards and (actually - if I was honest) the mess that was created during the activity.... I used to conjour up every excuse as to why this was not a good idea..

I regret this immensely now - as during conversations with my now adult son - he registered this disdain as he would have liked to experiment more and perhaps develop a more "creative side"...

His most poignant memory from his childhood was when we both fully dressed larking around in the garden and chucking buckets of water/spraying the hose at each other ... not messy I admit but at the time it was a little bit outside the normal stuff that I wanted to do - but sod the wet clothes - we had a ball.

Make a mess - have fun - clear up - they are only little for such a short space of time and then you look back and wonder where the time went...

On a scale of 1-10. Where 1 is heaven and 10 is death. How important will it be in 5 yrs time?

Jesus my dd1 (18) and DH make horrific mess! I mean mindless lazy bastard mess. It regularly take me to the edge when I get in from work and there is a full load of pots in the sink and the house trashed . Twats!!

I don't give a monkeys about toys every where so long as there are boxes to separate Lego, brio and play Mobil so you can actually find bits to complete the game and board games get put back.

I do mind damaging mess, spilt drinks, chocolate and paint.

Please keep these things in the dining room and be sensible.

Most of all OP you need a sense of prospective, there were times when I didn't bother getting my toys out because DM would insist on tidying up half built Lego cities or airports.

I LOVE the idea of no TV until toys are put away. My 5 year old could adhere to it, the 2 1/2 year old - not so much. Actually I think he's the culprit in our disaster zone. Even if he did clean up, he's distracted from TV five minutes in and goes back to playing while the other one is sucked into the show.

I go on my rampage, warpath "Toy Round-ups" meaning I'm so sick of tripping on stuff, seeing bright red, blue and yellow plastic throw-up on every surface that Mommy goes postal. While 5 year old is attached to the tube, 2 1/2 year old watches me grab a gigantic black trash bag and snatch up anything that hasn't been played with in a month. The bag is usually splitting open by the time I'm done and the kid's asking "Doing, Mommy? Doing?" And I snap, "NOTHING. Just cleaning up. And SHHHHHHH! about it!"

Then the bag gets stealthily tiptoed to the basement and shoved in a corner. Later when I have even more privacy if the boys are at school or daycare (rare) I load up all the "not played with in a year" stuff for charity. Ahhhhh. Sweet relief of the dumped load of crap.

Next month: birthday, Christmas, Easter, whatever, and a new load gets shipped in from Grannies. Yay.

I understand.

some tips I think might help ... baby wipes everywhere. great for faces and little spills etc. my 4 year old knows a long time now that when he is finished its the bin or sink (obv plastic dishes). finished a yogurt? in the bin spoon in sink. when he drops a toy to go do something I say pick it up. even if he puts it on table or couch its better than the floor. storage or big toy box that they can throw things into themselves and no night time snack/tv til done.

as for arts and crafts ... i'm the same. however have started to ease up as ds loves it. same with playdoh. usually do it on a bath night, on kitchen table. he goes on with the glitter glue (not the sprinkle stuff but in a pen) and the scissors and pritt stick and markers and paint .... has a ball. his clothes are that days dirty clothes or an old tshirt. we clean up let his master piece to dry then bath. just buy eashable stuff, water based ... even lay down a cut open bin bag on table and celotape the edges or something. but you will be glad cos they LOVE it.

arts and crafts only allowed on kitchen table while I potter around doing other jobs. have a cheap plastic container for it and it stays up high.

reward chart is good if she is stubborn. big rule of mine is (especially when friends over) cant start one thing without finishing/cleaning up the other. want to do a jigsaw? ok clean up the lego first.

I have a very high tolerance for mess and have often wondered how clean freaks cope with children. I manage to keep the house in a reasonable state and that is good enough for me.

Get a toy box in the living room and sling everything in there when she goes to bed. That'll help.

It's hard when you're a tidy person and suddenly the house seems "wrecked" :)

DD is 2 and I let her make mess but I get a bit too fussy about going round trying to keep everything reasonable!

It's a hard habit to break and I feel more relaxed if the house is presentable. We rent as well and our landlord isn't fussy but I am!

I'm having a clear out of toys this week as they just build up. Lots of big crates around to chuck stuff into helps.