AIBU to think this is unrealistic?

[Oodelaranana]

DSD is looking at secondary schools. Up until this week my DH has understood there are 2 options - a private school and a selective state school. DSD's mum let slip that they have decided not to go ahead with the state school entrance exams as the private school is the preferred choice.

The fees for the private school are way out of both households income and DSD would need a full bursary with all fees paid. She would meet the eligibility criteria and we presume it would help if she got a scholarship. She is very bright and works hard, also we think mum does some work for the school so knows the right people. It is certainly a real possibility.

However, DH feels there is no harm in doing the entrance exams for the state school as a backup. It's a good school even if not first choice and he feels that there is always a risk that the bursary may not materialise.

He mentioned this to DSD's DM who became extremely angry and stated it was an absolute fact that DSD was 'guaranteed' a scholarship and a full bursary. This had apparently been confirmed by the school when they went to an appointment.

Now all the exams and interviews for the private school take place over the next two terms so I can't see how they've got a 'guarantee' already. DH was going to call the school to gently sound out what the chances of a bursary might be. It then occurred to him that if something slightly underhand is going on then questions from him might scare the school and make a bursary less likely. Equally, it would be awful if mum had got the wrong end of the stick which wouldn't be the first time and DSD missed out through simple overconfidence.

We don't know a lot about private schools and how they work but do people think there might be some way DSD has got a genuine place (and the all inportant bursary) guaranteed already?

A scholarship and a full bursary are the same thing in ? terms, by the way.

DSD should take exams for both schools - it's ludicrous to suggest an untested child will walk into a full scholarship at a competitive private school.

Is she bright for state or for private school? There can be a big difference.

Bright for both - she already is a scholar in her current private primary which pays for the full fees and they have always confirmed that she has a very good chance of a scholarship at secondary level. They obviously are expert at getting DCs into private schools but this is the first time we have heard of guarantees. We understand from the information from this particular secondary school that bursarys are not necessarily linked to scholarships although scholars get them first.

Could your DH phrase it in the vein of "it would be great practice for her future exams - she can revise and sit them, but without as much pressure as will be on her for her GCSEs/ALevels and it will give her an idea what to expect" blah blah, or even work "bragging rights" into it somehow, the kudos of being accepted even if she then doesn't take up the place.
It would depend on DM's "vanity" I suppose for want of a better word, but it might work, and she could end up being very glad DD took the exams if something does go awry with the bursary scheme. It never hurts to have options.

I thought it was very unusual to get a full bursary and they tended to do a max of about 70% of the fees these days

Pombear - I rather fear any further suggestions on DHs part will result in DM doing the exact opposite and digging her heels in even more.

Yes, I understand from further investigations that it is unusual but the school does state they do offer full assistance with fees. Up to a third have some form of assistance (though not all 100% of course) which I think is unusual.

Hi - can I say it really depends on the school re scholarships/bursaries. I have found in my experience with my son, now at senior school, that certain schools can offer a substantial bursary, which can be up to 100% fees, based on parents' income/assets. Your child will have to pass the entrance process, and the school consider that they want the child at the school and offer the bursary. With scholarships, often the school offers only a small amount off, maybe 5,10, 20 or 50%, depending on the child's abilities. You would need to check with the schools you are looking at, about what their policy is regarding bursaries - some may only offer a small amount off. Check the school website, and/or contact the admissions registrar at the school. In respect of selected state school, I think it's a good idea for your child to sit the exams also, if it's not too much pressure for the child. It will give you a back up if the private route doesn't work out, and also in my area, the exams for the selected school were several months prior to the private schools, and it gives the child an idea of what sitting the exam is like, and practice for the private school exams. I think it's harder to get a child into selective grammar, because so many more children sit the exam, and because the exams are harder, and most selective schools do not interview the child, whereas private do. (So it's all based on one examination only). And by the way, in the case of parents not living together, some school bursary forms only ask for the income/assets details of the parent the child is living with, although any maintenance or money received from the other parent has to be declared.