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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that I am just pathetic

81 replies

suchawimp · 03/07/2013 20:12

and it isn't normal to be like this at 26.

I did something wrong at work and have to tell my manager tomorrow. I feel sick and am shaking and going hot and cold - I just can't seem to deal with stuff like this. It just makes me feel small and useless.

I don't know what she will say but it won't be nice. I hate being told off and really hate confrontation and raised voices. I don't know why and it is pathetic I know.

Is there a way to toughen up and get over this sort of thing?

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 03/07/2013 20:15

Everyone feels bad when this happens. I did something wrong a while ago and felt the same, dreaded admitting it. You will be doing the right thing to own up. If possible, try to think of how you are going to rectify the error, so you can tell the manager your solution too.

Good luck, i hope it goes well.

Mouthfulofquiz · 03/07/2013 20:28

It will be fine. Honestly, everyone makes mistakes and there is very little that can't be sorted out. Good luck and hugs :-)

LuisSuarezTeeth · 03/07/2013 20:30

What did you do? If it helps, being honest does endear you to the person affected.

Crumbledwalnuts · 03/07/2013 20:31

Do you have to come clean? Apologise and explain as little as possible. Be tough, be hard. Have you seen how many mistakes people earning wads and wads of money make, and they just get promoted or move on to better jobs? It's because they never apologise or explain. They just brush it off, pass it off or ignore it. Is this possible for you?

LuisSuarezTeeth · 03/07/2013 20:31

Owl ins is right - I have done X so I propose Y to fix it

ThreeEyedRaven · 03/07/2013 20:32

I'm quite hard in RL but stuff like this makes me feel exactly how you've described it. It's a horrible feeling and the only way you will feel better is to talk it thru with your boss. In my experience it is rarely as bad as you think it will be.

I know its hard but we really all do make mistakes and its all too easy to let your imagination run away with you.

Try and do something to take your mind off it. I promise this will pass x

LuisSuarezTeeth · 03/07/2013 20:32

Sorry, owlina

Fakebook · 03/07/2013 20:33

There shouldn't be a need for raised voices and confrontation. Everyone makes mistakes. Is your boss a bully?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 03/07/2013 20:37

Bad luck OP but better to get it off your chest, own up and you'll probably never make that mistake again, will you. Chin up, everyone makes mistakes.

ilovesooty · 03/07/2013 20:40

You aren't pathetic. I'm a lot older than you and I'd feel exactly the same.

Original poster

suchawimp · 03/07/2013 21:01

I just can't seem to be rational - I am actually scared. I keep playing what I have to do over and over in my head. :( My stomach is churning and I can't think about anything else. Can't even concentrate on reading a magazine and just sat though a 30 minute tv show and don't think I heard a word of it.

OP posts:

EarlyInTheMorning · 03/07/2013 21:04

Focus on the way forward, what you're planning to do to make sure it never happens again, lessons learned and all that

FayKnights · 03/07/2013 21:06

I totally sympathise and have been in your position and honestly how bad you imagine it to be it won't be as bad in real life I promise. Make sure once you fess up you have a resolution to the issue.

scripsi · 03/07/2013 21:08

I agree on focusing on fixing it. Also try to plan yourself a treat for tomorrow evening so that you can reward yourself for getting through the experience?
I am another one who is a lot older than you and would also feel dreadful: a lot of us hold ourselves to very high standards and can't handle it when we "fall short".

wharrgarbl · 03/07/2013 21:09

Would the ten-year rule help? (Will this matter in ten years?) It's one my sister taught me about things children do, or don't do.

Xmasbaby11 · 03/07/2013 21:09

It's normal to dread that - I'd be the same! It will be a great relief to get it over with. Good luck!

Snoopingforsoup · 03/07/2013 21:10

Most of us have been there and felt that way. I've worked for some horrors.
Be as professional as you can and once this is over, try some sort of assertiveness training which will help you deal with workplace confrontation in the future.
The symptoms are classic anxiety and they will subside once you've dealt with the situation.
The thought is often worse than the reality.
Good luck

MammaTJ · 03/07/2013 21:12

She will be more glad you have owned p to your mistake than mad you made it in the first place.

FayKnights · 03/07/2013 21:12

What did you do? Would you care to share and we can all make you feel better with our own stories?

NapaCab · 03/07/2013 21:13

Sounds like you are in a negative atmosphere at work. Any normal situation wouldn't cause you to get this wound up.

Is your boss bullying you? Don't underestimate how insidious this kind of thing can be. You might not even realize it's happening unless you sit down and think about it. Does s/he devalue your work a lot, criticize you, ostracize you?

Don't necessarily blame yourself: you might just be working in a hostile environment.

Hassled · 03/07/2013 21:14

I absolutely understand - went through something very similar a couple of weeks ago and was just beside myself. But the one advantage of having that level of dread and fear is that the reality is never as bad as your imagination has convinced you it will be - apologise straight away, take responsibility and that usually deflates the anger. Good luck.

wharrgarbl · 03/07/2013 21:15

Another technique to get out of the endless worry and obsession cycle (so familiar to me!) is to write it all down - write down what you're feeling, what you think might happen - but try to envisage as many outcomes as you can, from mild to diabolical. Get it all out of your system, if you can.

HollaAtMeBaby · 03/07/2013 21:15

Can you draft an email confession to get it all out of your head? Probably better to tell her face to face but maybe writing it down would make you feel calmer, and it could also help to get your thoughts in order so that you don't get in a flap tomorrow.

I also want to know what you did. I bet I've done worse

HollaAtMeBaby · 03/07/2013 21:15

ooh, x-post wharrgarbl :)

Original poster

suchawimp · 03/07/2013 21:17

I just know that I will get really hot and start blushing and stammering. I am a worrier by nature.

I just can't think of anything else. I don't know how I am going to walk into the office tomorrow.

I don't know how to approach her or what to say. My mind is just circling. :(

OP posts:

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