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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is my friend/colleague taking the piss? This is long sorry

12 replies

DrDumbass · 03/07/2013 14:26

I'll try and explain this as clearly as I can but I tend to ramble so apoligies in advance....
One of my friends (Lets call her friend A, also a colleague) was admitted to hospital yesterday, its quite serious and she will be having surgery tomorrow. Friend B, (also a colleague) is also good friends with friend A.
Friend A is really very lovely and lots of people in the office are worried and so it was decided we would have a collection to get a card/something nice for friend A.
Friend B lives quite near to where friend A is in hospital and so said she would pop in and see her last night and take the gift (visitors are limited until after her surgery and so I am giving her/her family some space and visiting early next week).
I agreed to organise the collection as friend B was in meetings all day yesterday, but she was adamant that she wanted the gift last night. So I collected the cash, however, 1 of my colleagues were working from home and asked me if I could sub him til today (he told me how much), and quite a few people were in the same meeting as friend B so they said they would give me something today. (not a problem, we always sub each other something as we are all very rarely in together, and I know I will get something back).
So I got the gift which was the collection cash+my donation+the fiver I subbed a colleague+extra £12 (£12 is working on a £1.50 per person donation for those that didnt specify how much, if they dont give that much it wont be a massive loss and if they give more then we can get a little something for friend A's DH - perhaps a bottleof wine- as he is also struggling).
Friend B came in today and announced she is going tonight as Friend A had called her last night and asked her to change.
I have collected the remainder of the cash £14 (so not a bad guess) and so at lunch spent the extra £2 on some chocolate to go into the hamper gift I made up for friend A yesterday.
Friend B asked where the husbands gift was, I explained that once I had taken my cash out of it, that is what was left, she then said "what about all the money you collected this morning" So I explained again, but she cant seem to get her head around it, despite the fact its what we agreed yesterday. So great, she seems to now think I am pocketing the collection money and apparently has already said so to another colleague. great. AIBU for thinking next time she can piss off and sort this stuff out herself and stop spending my money?
I know I put myself in this position really by offering to help to start with.
Hope I got everything in there - phew its long.

OP posts:

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/07/2013 14:34

Just run through it again with her so she knows you're not pocketing the "extra" money you got today. Probably she doesn't understand that you already paid in the "extra" money you got today. Explain it in simple terms.

Original poster

DrDumbass · 03/07/2013 14:36

I have tried ghoul, I am at my wits end.
I said to her, that I donated x amount myself subbed colleague x amount and then put £12 extra to cover everyone elses, so the first £12 of what is collected is mine.

OP posts:

TheCutOfYourJib · 03/07/2013 14:43

Just write it down and hand it to her. Problem solved.

QueenofallIsee · 03/07/2013 14:44

She is clearly thick as pudding - email it over and let her know you take suggestion of stealing VERY seriously

Original poster

DrDumbass · 03/07/2013 18:33

Sorry for the delay in responding just finished work. Friend B left work to go hospital muttering about only having half a gift....I've not had chance to speak with her as been in a meeting all afternoon. Going to spell it out in an email tomorrow.

OP posts:

Fakebook · 03/07/2013 18:36

What an idiot. Yanbu.

DoJo · 03/07/2013 20:02

YANBU - I would say to her 'Look, if you don't understand the maths, that's fine, but please don't tell other people that I am dipping into a collection because that is not what happened.' If she carries on, I would consider a word with a manager about her accusations, or possibly an e-mail to everyone saying that you think there has been some misunderstanding and laying out the situation clearly to ensure that nobody feels hard done-by.

travailtotravel · 03/07/2013 20:14

Yes, spell it out in an email to her as that is a serious reputational issue at work and that gives you an evidence trail. I'd start with something like being "extremely disappointed in your response to ..." disappointed is a very satisfying word which can be quite loaded without being loaded if you see what I mean.

You could also make it clear to your boss that you are no longer so amenable to making collections in the future and explain why just to cover yourself but that might be going too far!

HooverFairy · 03/07/2013 20:24

I'd forget her opinion - do some damage limitation and email the others who put money towards the gift. Say that you know it sounds complicated but you'd hate for any of them to get the wrong idea about where their money went. Your 'friend' sounds like a bitch, I think she's trying to make you look bad. There was a thread on here about 'Wendy' friends, actually there have been a few. Take a look.

AllDirections · 03/07/2013 20:26

I would email her a breakdown of the money collected and what it was spent on and copy in everyone who contributed.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/07/2013 21:33

"she seems to now think I am pocketing the collection money and apparently has already said so to another colleague."
you need to nip this is the bud ASAP.

I would suggest an email to all concerned detailing what money was collected, from who and when (i.e. if you had to 'advance' that money) in order to have the gift ready for B's demands (and make it clear the reason you had to 'advance' money because of her time demand). Then maybe something along the lines of "I was very upset to hear that someone said that I was stealing some of the collection, and I hope the above clears that up. If that slander is repeated, I will be forced to refer the matter to HR. I would also prefer that any future collections are handled by someone else, as I do not want to be put in the position of having to defend myself against scurrilous accusations again." And maybe CC your boss.

ihearsounds · 03/07/2013 21:48

I would email her....

On Tuesday I put into. the collection xx of my own money.. Hw collegue asked me to lend £5 until following day for the colllection... Collegues x,y and z also asked me to sub them the money until following day, so I put in £1.50 each.
Total so far £xx, £17 which was owed to me.
On wednesday collected xx and after taking out money owed to me, left £x

Purchases made to the value of xx include --- item everything and cost.

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding. As you can see from above, £x money put in on tuesday was loaned to me, on the basis collegues would pay back wednesday.. So when the money was collected i took out what was owing to me.

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